Johnny 5

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“A short circuit is also something to do with electricity.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Short Circuit

“Johnny 5 must be disassembled”

~ George W Bush on Johnny 5

“No disassemble.”

~ Johnny 5 on Disassemble


Johnny 5 is a military robot, originally created for good (warfare, murder, nuclear weaponary) that turned evil (human rights activist) after being struck by a bolt of lightning.

Early Life[edit]

Johnny 5 was assembled at Nova Robotics under a contract from the US government to deliver democracy (killing and violence) to foreign countries. Originally named Number 5, he preformed a number of field trials, such as slaughtering many enemy soldiers and causing widespread destruction. Happy with the tests, the government ordered a further 4 be produced, numbered in a similar style to Number 5.

The Lightning Strike[edit]

One day as Johnny 5 was charging at his station, a scientist who was conducting a weather experiment on a nearby clock tower accidentally caused Johnny 5 to be struck by lightning. This made the robot self aware. After flirting with a coffee machine, Johnny 5 killed a grass-hopper. After moralising on this for some time with Oscar Wilde Johnny decided that he must change his programming, to take out the safe guards which the humans had planted in him to prevent him from not killing.

Evil Johnny 5[edit]

Today, Johnny 5 lives in hiding, only occasionally surfacing to demand an end to war, murder,kitten huffing, violence, discrimination, hatred; to champion the cause of the innocent, the powerless, the helpless; to demand rights for prisoners; to raise the amout of illegitamate children by 10000%; to raise awareness of environmental issues; to demand a world were people would simply be nice to each other.

Fortunately the US government has been successful in ignoring these calls for years, except for Al Gore, who is a crypto-fascist, and inventor of ManBearPig.

See Also[edit]