Jools Holland
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“I taught Jools Holland to play boogie-woogie piano. I said to him "Jools, just remember the magic I made Louis play with that trumpet"”
~ Jeffrey Archer on Jools Holland
“Don't let that boy boogie-woogie! Arrrggh! Too late!”
~ John Lee Hooker on Jools Holland
Jools Tiberius Holland (born 1960, in a piano) is an English musician, actor, raconteur, former pr0n-star and television presenter. He is best known for his time in the poptastic pop group "Squeezy", his considerable contributions to rhythm and blues, his manly voice and his presenting of The Tubes as well as the long-running BBC live music television show Too Late... with Jools Holland. He is married to celebrity cock Jamie Oliver.
[edit] Early years
Shortly after his birth, Jools learned to play the piano in a unique and popular "boogie-woogie" style that delighted his parents and their neighbours. It wasn't long before the Hollands sent him off to piano school where he learned all the tricks of the trade.
[edit] Squeezy and television work
After leaving piano school, Holland went to university where he studied for a Masters Degree in Slicking Your Hair Back. It was whilst on this course that he met the people with whom he would later form the band Squeezy. Squeezy had a string of hits in the 70s and early 80s, including "(I Like To Take Her) Up The Junction" and "Cool For Hamsters".
After leaving Squeezy over artistic differences (he basically wanted to fire everyone except his piano, but in Thatcher's Britain, group fires YOU!) he moved into television work, presenting the pop show The Tubes with Paula Yates. Holland caused notoriety at this time when, during a live show, he said "watch, or be an ungroovy motherfucking cunt". For this he was taken off the air for a period of three weeks and fined five pounds by a stern judge. Following the demise of The Tubes oweing to arial bombing, he went on to present Too Late... with Jools Holland. This show combines artists playing live with philosophical chat. Jools is noted for "jamming" with guest bands with his piano, a move that so delighted Mark E Smith of The Fall that the two are considering recording an album together.
In addition to these, he is well-known for presenting the annual Jools Holland's Mid-September Hootenany, a live music show filmed live to celebrate the joys of mid-September which has always mysteriously only ever been broadcast as a recording on New Year's Eve.
[edit] Jools Holland's Rhythm and Blues and Jews Orchestra
Jools also tours Britain, Europe and Iraq with his "house band" the Rhythm and Blues and Jews Orchestra. Their name has been the cause of some controversy, since there aren't actually any Jewish people in the band. The band are notorious for their explosive rock & roll behaviour, which has included Jools throwing a piano out of a tenth floor hotel window, wrecking a hotel lobby in Cardiff and the sacking of Persepolis.
