Journey

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Steve Perry condensing the nonsense
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Journey.

Formed by O.J.Simpson and Stephen Perry after the controversial trial of Mobb Deep v. Vagisil, Journey pioneered the way for disenfranchising African-Americans.

Although it is not known exactly where Perry came from, it is widely assumed that he was born. Other theories suggest that he was created by Harriette Tubman to be the patron saint of Black People; this theory, however, was abandoned in 1997 when it was discovered that Perry was in fact a pterodactyl fetus. As a child growing up in the Great Depression, Perry had little aside from his Blue Öyster Cult c.d.'s and his collection of glass unicorns. In his early teens, Perry began pursuing a career in music. His influences varied widely, ranging from Will Smith to Emo Hitler, but it was then that Perry began to create his own sound. His big break came in 1977 when he was chosen to be the lead singer for local blue-grass band, Motley Crue. This band was also the launching pad for Your Mom and You.

In June of 1993, Steve Perry was arrested for multiple counts of kitten-huffing and prostitution. Soon after, it was discovered that Perry had become romantically involved with Theo Huxtable to whom he had given AIDS. To make up for it, Perry decided to make Theo the lead singer of his new band, The Dave Matthews Band. The duo sold several billion albums before calling it quits in December of 1996 when Steve learned that Huxtable was addicted to NBA Live '95.

After sinking into a deep depression, Perry once again began hitting the gay night club scene in San Francisco. It was there that he met his future brother and Puritan Jonathan Cain. After the Great Battle of Milwaukee in 1997, Steve and Jonathan decided to round up all the survivors and create a band to be named Journey, taken from Algonquin for "They who huff." Two of the survivors, Toucan Sam and George Carlin wanted to join the band, but Toucan Sam was in prison on charges of sodomy and the vehicular manslaughter of George Carlin.

The Kingdom of Journey Prior to the Cat Huffing Epidemic. It is well known that the capital was Cockflopopolis ruled by Minoricles.

The band's other members consisted of a can of Spam, Kool-Aid guy, Tyler Durden and the Berenstain Bears. They were an immediate success and began touring relentlessly with contemporaries Fall Out Boy and Bjork. Currently, their number 1 single can be heard on Dingo and the Baby in the Afternoon, hosted by Bob Barker and Carmen Electra. It's called "Ridin' Dirty" featuring Krayzie Bone.

Steve Perry and Theo Huxtable in happier times.

The Rise and Fall[edit]

Still riding high from their new found success, Journey decided that it was time to break into the movie industry. With the experienced hand of director Steven Spielberg to guide them, Journey starred in their first feature film, "Ernest goes to Africa." The film bombed at the box office due to its sexually explicit inter-species erotica love scenes, but Perry knew that a major movie career was in the cards for Journey. Their next film, "Ernest Goes to Africa but Doesn't Stay Too Long," starring Clint Eastwood and Kenny G was an immediate hit, dazzling audiences and critics alike. Joel Siegel raved, "Djibouti is the capital of Djibouti!," and then immediately burst into flames. But the good times were soon to end; a chance encounter with notorious drug-dealer and crime ring overlord Dolly Parton would nearly destroy Journey, and lead Perry down a very dark road.

Steve Perry during a 1999 performance in Osaka, Japan.

Battle With Drugs[edit]

It is not known how long every member of Journey had been doing drugs, but their songs can tell us. Classics such as "Move Bitch, Get Out Da Way!," "I Walk the Line," and the less well known "The Star Spangled Banner," are clear indicators that the band was in need of serious help. After an altercation with the Juggernaut, in which Steve was paralyzed, he decided to re-evaluate his life. No longer huffing the orange kittens, Perry was seen gallivanting with several spousal abusers, Nicky Hilton and the Rolling Stones. Mick Jagger, a great Viking who is known for his on stage antics, and 90mph fastball, quickly put Perry in his place by telling him to, "Get off of my cloud." It was then that Perry realized that Journey was more than a feeling, as Boston had earlier suggested. It is not known whether he did get off of Mick Jagger's cloud, but Perry quickly called on the help of childhood friends, the A-Team and Captain Caveman to get him through this ordeal. This was a life altering event for Perry which would revolutionize the way people listen to music today. Perry had been through it all: the good times, the bad times, even when the Jeffersons had to move to the East Side to get a piece of the pie. He had only to remember what a great man had once told him. That man was Oscar Wilde. He simply said, "Stephen. Don't stop believin'" History was made.

Little Known Facts About Journey[edit]

  • Journey was once featured in an episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles entitled "Where's the Rat King?" This episode was never aired due to Steve Perry's blatant refusal to wear clothing during filming.
  • Journey declared war on Ireland after playing a show there. When their motives were brought into question, the band said, "Hey, I thought that it was anyway I want it...because that's the way I need it."
  • Steve Perry was found outside of the Zoologischer Garten Berlin with a panda in one hand and an ice cream cone in the other. When confronted by the local German police, also known as the KGB (but we'll call them KKK for short), he threw the ice cream cone and ran. Once caught, the KKK asked Perry why he didn't just throw the panda in an effort to get away. He simply stated, "Would you throw away the one you love?"
  • Journey used Rick Allen's lost arm to write several important documents regarding the early history of Europe. These were later to be named the Magna Carta, The Catcher in the Rye, and the Penthouse August 1999 edition.
  • Steve Perry is Godzilla.
  • Steve Perry hates Godzilla.
  • Journey has not only pioneered the way for Kitten Huffing, but they are currently working with Stephen Hawking and Oprah on ways to huff the Megafelis.
  • Journey frontman Steve Perry murdered famous Spanish matador Axl Rose during a performance of their hit song "I'm Going to Murder Famous Spanish Matador Axl Rose During a Performance of this Song."
  • Journey leads the world and its surrounding planets in ant-porn production.
  • Steve Perry, or as his friends call him, "Steve Perry," will always be remembered as the first Ethiopian-American to be shanked by Theo Huxtable.
  • Journey is well known to have played an annual show at the Oscar Wilde residence every Thanksgiving. When asked why they love to play an annual Thanksgiving show, Journey stated that, "We do this every year not for the fame, not for the fortune, but for the simplicty of showing them jive turkeys who's boss!"
  • Steve Perry created the universe by round house kicking Little Miss Muffett into a glacier.
  • Steve Perry has an alien implant in his throat. Much of Journey's success can be attributed to the hypnotic sounds emitted by such implant.

Other band members other than Steve Perry[edit]

  • Jesus (on bass guitar)
  • Spartacus (on backup vocals)
  • Chuck Norris (on drums)
  • Jer-Bear (bagpipes)
  • Machamp the pokemon (on lead guitar(s))
  • Oscar Wilde (songwriter)
  • SAMUEL L. JACKSON (keyboards)
  • Sam Totman (Beer Drinker)

Discography[edit]

  • Tourney (1975)
  • View of the Past (1976)
  • Before (1977)
  • Eternity (1978)
  • Creation (1979)
  • Insertion (1980)
  • Led Zeppelin IV (1980)
  • Raptured (1980)
  • Imprisoned (1981)
  • Neal Schon Shreds like a Motherfucker On This One (1983)
  • Steve Perry Solo Album plus Neal, Jonathan Cain, Randy Jackson, and a Fat Bald Drummer (1986)
  • Journey: Greatest Hits (1988)
  • Steve Perry Solo Album 2 Featuring the band Journey (1996)
  • Showin' Them Jive Turkey's Whose Boss (1998)
  • Showin' Them Jive Turkey's Whose Boss Live in Vegas New Year Show(1999-2000)
  • Some shit with some singer (2001)
  • Some shit EP with some singer (2003)
  • Some shit LP with five singers who aren't Steve Perry (2005)
  • Fall Out Boy: Greatest Hits (2007)
  • Some kick-ass LP with Jeff Scott Soto singing lead (2008)

Singles[edit]

  • "Big, Juicy, and In Love" featuring The Rat King
  • "Who Da' Man!" featuring Chingy
  • "Baby's Got Back Bacon" featuring Mike Jones
  • "(I Just) Died In your Arms Tonight"
  • "Eye of the Tiger"
  • "Hot Blooded"
  • "Yeah!" featuring Ludacris and Lil' Jon
  • "Keep On Loving You"
  • "The Final Countdown"
  • "Dance, Dance"
  • "Swallow That Load"
  • "Homage for Satan"
  • "God Save the Queen"
  • "Jingle Bells"

See Also[edit]