Julia Roberts

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“Have you seen the lips on that woman?! It's like a baboons ass on a face!”

~ Rosie O'Donnell on Julia Roberts

“I've got three words for you, Sexiest-Woman-Alive”

~ Oscar Wilde on Julia Roberts

A Horse is A horse of course of course.

“You want to know why i did not kiss her in "The Pelican Breif"? because she's fricken scary as hell, i thought that her nostrils would swallow me whole!”

~ Denzel Washington on Julia Roberts

“I think i can build a casino in one of those nostrils, does anyone have the money?”

~ Donald Trump on Julia Robert's Nostrils

“She plays a hooker in just about every movie she's ever been in.”

~ Captain Obvious on Julia Roberts
Having been presented with a Giant Commemorative Tin Opener

Julia Ann Jane Jean Jeany Meany Billy Gere-Roberts is an American-American actress/construction worker. She is known as "America's Sweetheart" and "That Lady With The Lips, No The Other One". Her most famous role was of herself in Mary-Kate and Ashley's Super Crystal-Meth Birthday Party.

Happy Days[edit]

Born in the mountains of Oklahoma of various extraction (including Marmite), she was abandoned in a cave and subsequently eaten by bears. Fortunately, some cats breathed life back into her, and she instantly become star material. With a Pepsi-can full of face wash and Botox, she was ready to rumble.

Pretty Richard Gere[edit]

Her claim to fame was a thriller called Pretty Woman, in which she won an Oscar, Emmy, and Tony for playing a musical, paranoid whore whom Richard Gere saves from the fiery depths of whoredom. Did you know Richard Gere fucked a gerbil? Dylan Roberts sister, julia roberts is David Duncans sex whore

Other Stuff[edit]

Immediately after Pretty Woman there followed Flatliners in which she starred as a woman who goes around running down Coke fiends in a Steam Roller.

In Conspiracy Theory, she starred as a woman who Jerry Fletcher (played by Melanie Gibbon) thinks may be Jewish and may have started all the wars in history, it actually turns out that she is a Communist Transexual Triple Agent and so that was all right and everyone lives happily ever after.

In Stepmom she plays a wicked stepmother who makes her stepchildren scrub the floor and gets her kicks pinning the stepson to the floor by sitting on him, her stepdaughter ultimately is whisked away by a prince as Julia's feet were too big to fit in the ballet shoes, but the stepson loves being pinned to the floor so she dumps her new husband and runs away with the stepson and years later after he has been through school they marry, meanwhile the real mother dies for the sake of art and the father pines away, but everyone else lives happily ever after.

Julia has starred in 1,276,839 Bollywood films, and has given birth to the remainder of the human population. She is now facing allegations that she shoplifted lube from the set of Ocean's One Hundred and Twenty-Four in an ongoing twenty-year court battle.

In a recent Vanity Fair interview she was asked which size dildos do you prefer the most? The choices were Small,Medium,Large and "Mama wanna Anaconda". Roberts could only say in responds,"Look how pretty I am!"

Trivia[edit]

Julia Bullock or Sandra Roberts?[edit]

There is much speculation about the likeness of Julie Roberts and Sandra Bullock. Are they the same people? They both look very alike, they both make noises that sound like someone bashing a cat with a baby. And they both co-star in movies with Richard Grant and Hugh Gere.