July 17: Dog Days Begin (Summer), Professional Copiousness Day (Uncyclopedia)
- 800 - With the Roman empire in shambles, the Dark Ages begin, ushering in a time of mysterious axe wounds and serfdom.
- 1717 - The Blackbeard Catering Company (pictured) is founded, offering full foodservice and a variety of bar items including rum and grog, all at competitive rates.
- 1934 - Faced with demands to clean up its act, Hollywood introduced the Hays Code, which set guidelines for things such as the use of negroes in film.
- 1948 - The U.S. Presidential ticket of Strom Thurmond and his New Hampshire Merchant Cat, Stripey, garnered over one million votes in the general election.
- 1955 - Disneyland establishes its independence from Pixar.
- 1995 - The Snopes website comes online, and the truth and validity of countless rumors and urban legends, such as the safety and sexuality of children's toys and children's icons, respectively, are quashed.
- 1981 - Absolutely nothing of any consequence happens.
- 2005 - Misquoting Jesus, a book by Bart Ehrman, is published. Within a few short weeks it becomes the center of a firestorm of controversy, most of it defending Jesus' accomplishments as described in the Bible, among them "champion surfer" and "speedboat owner".