Jumanji

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Officer Blackman and bystander watch in horror while Roseanne eats a boar alive!

Jumanji is insane and utterly, distastefull. Who ever reads this book could very well asplode.

The Book and how it came to be[edit]

The name Jumanji is called that ever since a turtle named Jimanji donated blood to the author, on the condition that the book would be named after him. Unfortunatly the author made a typo, but nobody cares.

Jumanji was written in 1962 by Mark Henry a.k.a Sexual Chocolate. And Illustrated by Tim "The Tool man" Taylor of home improvment. The book took 20 years to publish due to the a-changin-times and the hippie movment. Finally in 1982 Jumanji was published by a old man named Ed Mcmahon of Publishers Clearing house.

The insane Ed Mcmahon, proprietor of Publishers clearing house and all things evil.

Unfortunatley The two man Duo known as Sexual Chocolate and Tim Taylor didnt recive any money, for they were never picked as a winner of Ed Mcmahon's publisher clearing house contest. No knock at the door, no ballons, no suprize visits....it was a cold november indeed. In a fit of rage Tim Taylor Assaulted Sexual Chocolate and was found guilty on 6 counts of Treason, 7 counts of rape, and 1 count of jay walking. uhhh-ahhh.

As for the book[edit]

It was about a jungle-themed role playing board game that has animals, Grues and Roseannes and and other jungle elements that magically appear where the players are when they are Roke-playing. The storyline of the book is that the children playing the game must keep the house looking neat before their Masters return from the Feilds with whips. Barney, a purple dinosoar in all of Sexual Chocolateand Tim Taylor's books appears as a Dentist on wheels in the third illustration. The Dentist Drives a old 1993 Oldsmobile Cutlass Sierra, and he preys on the children throughout the novel. He try's to use his un-disenfected utencils on the unsuspecting children, so that he may spoil thier little gums. But he is smited halfway through when the white ranger comes and sticks a 22ft strippers pole through his chest. The book ends with the house in dissarray, and the children recive a harsh whipping..much to the pleasure of Tom Arnold. It was a delicous book, Highly Reccomended by Rico Shavez

The Movie[edit]

Thumbelina's husband is found in a fish bowl by Petor.

After being trapped in a jungle game for 26 years, Alan Parrish (Robin Williams) is released from the game. But, no sooner has he arrived that he is fucking shit up again, and this time sets the creatures of the jungle which include: Roseanne, Grues and Barney loose on the city. Now it is up to him to find the altar of Kazikstan and spread the blood of a sheppard on the plate of forgivness. Instead, he finds two little children to use as pawns in this fucked up game. Kirsten Dunst plays the part of Judy Sheppard, a Dominatrix of the game. Her brother Peter Sheppard (Bradley Pierce) accompanies her and Robin Williams on thier journey. When they find the board game and try to play it, all hell breaks loose. The house they are in starts to turn into a war zone as thousands of nazi troops march into town. Then a jungle appears and starts to ruin the house they are in (the kids parents are gonna kill them) and they desperatley try to break the stupid game by spitting on it, burning it, and hitting it with a pinto. Aye, But to no avail. Eventually they execute Robin Williams and the curse is broken. Long Live Gandalf they Cried as thier torches burned into the night!

See Also[edit]

Zathura, another pamphlet written by Tim Taylor, it has also been adapted to film, penny-show, comic book, lunch box, ice cream, and condoms. its story also involves a group of kids and a Transexual adult who find a magic board game, but the theme is a fantasy of Bill Nye the science guy, Rather than a "jungle" theme.

Trivia[edit]

  • The film was originally going to be titled "XXX ANIMALS RUNNING WILD" but the MPAA were not comfortable that the title suited the PG rating the studio were edging for.
  • Kirsten Dunst was 53 when this film was shot - it took 200 men 10,000 man hours to make her look 12 in every cell of the film.
  • Nobody likes Kirsten Dunst.
  • The scene where Robin Williams has a full beard was not scripted. He vanished 6 months before filming and appeared on the first day of filming smelling of whiskey with a full beard, rags for clothes and was screaming at full volume.
  • The studio decided that Robin Williams wouldnt notice if they destroyed his house instead of an expensive set so they relocated filming to the Williams mansion.
  • Jumanji is based on a true story about a board game made from the bones of Aztech priests. The board in the movies is an exact replica and a historian (brought in to oversee factual accuracy) died when she saw the words "Jumanji" on the boards display.
  • Jumanji is Monogolian for "Movie that is doomed"
  • The Movie Zathura was written as a Parody of Jumanji but no one watched Zathura after scientists released a report in 2002 confirming that you can only watch one movie as bad as Jumanji before you die from boredom.