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|image2 = |motto = "Sum cunt wrote jobby tits fart behin the pub oan the centre, whits any cunt gonnae dae aboot it" |state = Scotland |nickname = best bj |languages = Swearing, Violence, The inaudible new ferm rhyme, [[]] |mayor = Jack Daniels |established = 1969 by Noel Edmonds and Alex Salmond |established2 = |established3 = |currency =ts face wae a gless]] |opening_hours = None (signed on) |anthem = Never gonna give you up by Rick Astley }}

Come for the sea, luxury and boundless glory that will lay ahead for any true proletarian in the peoples utopian state of killie

~ Che Guevara on Kilmarnock

jbar and spent a month in crosshouse hospital|Chuck Norris on Kilmarnock}}

Kilmarnock is an extremely rich and poptern civilisation). The peoples democtaric utopian state of Kilmarnock lies under Scotland and is just 4 kilometres away from Iceland, it also holds an underund replica of Mike Pattons facial hair, famous for its pleasant weathe

The inhabitants consist of either Obese People, Cokeheads, Baldy Cunts, Ugly Folk, Toothless folk, Emofags or a wonderful species called Neds; there have also been dramatic changes in the population of the town with an ever increasing amount of catalonian artists from Romania usually constructing beautiful arched pathways and eternal gardens of lust and hope for a future genration of smackheads.

Overall the town has a very great track record in both violent crime and obesity. This is why there are so many Canadian Tourists here, they fit right at home; they also seem to have a tendency to like the beautiful music we produce, The town has a rich history of music in all forms. Miles Davis once claimed that the town was his soul inspiration for each beautiful lick from his crictically acclaimed album Kind of Blue, it is also the hometown of avand-garde sparky Aphex Twin. McFly, Werner Herzog, Kylie Minogue and Midge Ure all hail from the beautiful peoples independent republic of Kilmarnock.

Kilmarnock was voted Europes Capital of Culture, being every bit as depressing and grey as a Dostoyevsky poem and holding even more great levels of Humanity and peace than any Russian Hellhole. Killie also shares a pact with Germany that all new architecture must have a great deal of 'Industrial Art' to make it look modern and innovative; sadly it only adds to the pishness. The toon also prides itself as being the most romantic in Europe, David Lynch claimed the town was his source of inspiration for 8x oscar winning film, Eraserhead.

The town also experiences some of the best weather in Prussia; the leaden sky is not in fact due to clouds, but arse wax that flys of every horrifice into the fluffy clouds of eternity.

The Town is currently at war with Bulgaria, as The towns MP Dennis Leary said "Bulgaria said they hump mare sheep, but they fuckin don't, ken, we hump mare sheep, come ahead, square fucking go pal"


Industrial Kilmarnock during the twenties

Recently the SNP came to power promising greater spending and product placement to encourage London scallys with 'loads of money' to come up and enjoy the bitter fruit that is Killie. Other reforms include 'Jobby tits fart bill of 175BC' and not forgetting the 'a free porkride for every school'.

The SNP manifesto, consisting of half a page of toilet paper with a few words written by a bookie pen and hoaf a tub a barclays jam.


The unique look of Killie has been avoided by other cultures including bacteria

Kilmarnock is Europe's first Postmodern city; In the year 400BC it was announced by the then leader of the Church of East Ayrshire Friedrich Nietzsche that the industrial revolution had turned the city into a regurgitating mess of foul air, fowl food and foul housing with no hope on the horizon and a steady industrial throb leading nowhere. Shortly after this statement, Nietzche was stabbed tae fuck by the local liberation group The OYT behin the bellfield tavern. Nietzche was buried under the toilet in Fanny By Gaslight.

Cquote1.png The city is the most chthonic place Pa created, even that Satan fella wants to reign here but Pa says that he wants to be Almighty in evil too. Cquote2.png

Jesus on Killie Culture and Style

The city also boasts fine actors for export, such as Duncan Ferguson and Jim Davidson. Davidson once said after writing The Ballad of Reading Goad that Killie was better than his short stint in a wortorn Bosnia; he even when as far to say death could be better than Killie, and later proved it.

The toon is also the most evil place ever conceived. Here people don't walk, or smile, they prowl; it is filled with orcs and other servants of evil (mostly fans of Rangers) giving the towns uniquely malevolent cultural flavor, and tourism amongst Europeans from the Ex-Evil Empire Nations has flourished as a result.

See also[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about KILMARNOCK.