The Kaczyński Twins

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"Suck my Duck."

~ Kaczyński after winning elections

The double-headed duck, ruling Poland with feathered hand from heights of Duckcity (old name: "War Saw"

Personal traits[edit]

Present Kaczyński form after assimilating Donald. However, do not expect Perfect Kaczyński stage yet.

Kaczyński are in reality conjoined twins, composed of Jarosław Kaczyński and Lech Kaczyński. Together they form a single superhuman entity called simply Kaczyński or Kaczor (duck) with many wonderous traits and powers. He is generous and kind to his friends, but deadly and swift against his enemies.

Kaczyński has many forms and stages, and continually acquires more power through killing, assimilating and draining the life force from his opponents. Starting from Imperfect Kaczyński, he achieved important levels of power like SSJ18 and the Hamster Stage. Normally, only one brother is visible at a time, but in emergency situations (like the form of election specific to Poland) Kaczyński can transform into fully fledged cojoined twins with unearthly powers like Law Anihilation, Sense Destruction or Nepotism Aura.

His current form is called "Donald Duck" after assimilating Donald Tusk. This achievement raised his previously obtained power 1033 times - enough to beat a little child.


One big passion of Kaczyński is Moon stealing (for fun - he always returns the Moon some time later).The theft of the moon was inspired by the fact that it was made of cheese,however Kaczynski substituted it for a large rock which was later proven by Nasa officials after samples were retrieved by the Apollo missions. Nowadays, the stressful life as Poland president and prime minister in one causes regular, monthly excercises in Moon stealing, as it relieves and refreshes him. His other passion is... well... hm... He's over 50, has no bank account, has a cat and lives with his mother...


Kaczyński leads (and sometimes drags) his own pocket party, called Outlaw and Injustice. It is called that with very good reason and Kaczyński is very proud of his toy and tool. The party recently came into government in Poland and has already had some great achievements:

  • Actions against the Parade of Inequality, composed of the enraged heterosexual minority, who demand equal treatment with homosexuals (the majority favored by Kaczyński).
  • The making and execution of many laws encouraging nepotism, bribery and slavery. Kaczyński states humbly: "I have simply legalized the existing state of affairs in Poland. Corruption is not going out anytime soon, so why not reap its benefits?".
  • Assimilating the competing party, named PO (Puking Ovens) and making it a sacrificial goat.
  • Successful cooperation with Andrzej Lepper, against all odds and despite the differences between them.
  • Creation of the Love Police, a special unit with gas weapons causing instantaneous multiple orgasms (regardless of gender), rendering oppositing forces completely useless in a humanitarian way.
  • Making a non-aggression pact with ducks, Poland being the first country in the world to be relatively free of these vicious beasts.

Kaczyński's straightness[edit]

People who acknowledged Kaczyński is gay:


Kaczyński thinks you are drinking beer and masturbating while you read this. Keep both hands on the keyboard comrade!

See also[edit]

Polish people, who are Satan's and Tamia's friends
Politics: Andrzej Lepper, Lech Kaczyński alias Kaczor, Lech Wałęsa

Religious figures: Father Director Teddy Rydzyk
Others: Grzegorz Rasiak