The Kaczyński Twins
"Suck my Duck."
~ Kaczyński after winning elections
Kaczyński are in reality conjoined twins, composed of Jarosław Kaczyński and Lech Kaczyński. Together they form a single superhuman entity called simply Kaczyński or Kaczor (duck) with many wonderous traits and powers. He is generous and kind to his friends, but deadly and swift against his enemies.
Kaczyński has many forms and stages, and continually acquires more power through killing, assimilating and draining the life force from his opponents. Starting from Imperfect Kaczyński, he achieved important levels of power like SSJ18 and the Hamster Stage. Normally, only one brother is visible at a time, but in emergency situations (like the form of election specific to Poland) Kaczyński can transform into fully fledged cojoined twins with unearthly powers like Law Anihilation, Sense Destruction or Nepotism Aura.
One big passion of Kaczyński is Moon stealing (for fun - he always returns the Moon some time later).The theft of the moon was inspired by the fact that it was made of cheese,however Kaczynski substituted it for a large rock which was later proven by Nasa officials after samples were retrieved by the Apollo missions. Nowadays, the stressful life as Poland president and prime minister in one causes regular, monthly excercises in Moon stealing, as it relieves and refreshes him. His other passion is... well... hm... He's over 50, has no bank account, has a cat and lives with his mother...
Kaczyński leads (and sometimes drags) his own pocket party, called Outlaw and Injustice. It is called that with very good reason and Kaczyński is very proud of his toy and tool. The party recently came into government in Poland and has already had some great achievements:
- Actions against the Parade of Inequality, composed of the enraged heterosexual minority, who demand equal treatment with homosexuals (the majority favored by Kaczyński).
- The making and execution of many laws encouraging nepotism, bribery and slavery. Kaczyński states humbly: "I have simply legalized the existing state of affairs in Poland. Corruption is not going out anytime soon, so why not reap its benefits?".
- Assimilating the competing party, named PO (Puking Ovens) and making it a sacrificial goat.
- Successful cooperation with Andrzej Lepper, against all odds and despite the differences between them.
- Creation of the Love Police, a special unit with gas weapons causing instantaneous multiple orgasms (regardless of gender), rendering oppositing forces completely useless in a humanitarian way.
- Making a non-aggression pact with ducks, Poland being the first country in the world to be relatively free of these vicious beasts.
People who acknowledged Kaczyński is gay:
- Vin Diesel by saying "He is gay."
- God by saying "Thou shalt not pass."
- Donald Tusk by saying "You ought to have insured."
- Kitten by saying "Huff."
- Oscar Wilde by saying "Resistance is futile."
- Yoda by saying "Gay he is, play with boys he does."
- Your Mom by saying "He's my husband."
- You by saying "Hi, dad."
- He by saying "See? That's your dad."
- Nobody by saying ""
- Chris Pronger by saying "Another guy to have an affair with."
- George W. Bush by saying "He is not gay."
- Harry Potter by saying "Expelliarmus!"
- Darth Vader by saying "Khh."
- Jesus by saying "Ye who is not racist towards the Kaczyński shall go down."
- Pope by saying "Habemus gayam."
- Winnie the Pooh by saying "Kaczyński is my Honey."
- Ratzinger by saying "Sieg Quack!"
- Elvis by saying "Thank you."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger by saying "He'll be on your back."
- Allah Ackbar by saying "Just drop the soap..."
- Osama Bin Laden by saying "And then I found myself with the habit of always turning my back against the wall."
- 50 cent by saying "I take you to the candy shop."
- Maxlam by saying "I'm sure he have eat my cake!"
- Michael Jackson - "Sometimes we visit orphanages together. He brings the sweeties."
- Andrzej Lepper
- Theodore Kaczyński alias Unabomber (the twins' attention-seeking younger brother)