Kaiser Wilhelm II

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“DAMMIT!!!”

~ Wilhelm II on the outcome of World War I

“I'll finish the job!.”

~ Adolf Hitler on not finishing the job

Wilhelm II (German: Prinzen Friedrich Wilhelm Viktor Albrechten von Preußen; English: Prince(n) Fredrick Wilhelm Victor Albert(en) of Prussia(en)) Was the last Kaiser of Germany and Prussia and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize 1914. He is best remembered by his love of France and the Nobel Peace Prize he won on the same year he started World War I, to which the Nobel Prize Commitee replied:

Crap.

Contents 1 Before Life 1.1 Early Life 1.2 Adolescence 1.3 Inventions

[edit] Before Life

Wilhelm II's father, Prince Friedrich Wilhelm Nikolaus Karl (AKA Flirtz because of his charisma) happened to be a prince in the German Royal Family. Before Wilhelm II was born, Flirtz would ofter attract lesbians by wearing a skirt (a tradition which he passed on to his son), posing as a woman, until he got her in bed where he revealed he had a penis. During one of his bouts, however, he accidentally got Queen Victoria's daughter pregnant, thus Willy was born. Not knowing what else to do, they got married.

[edit] Early Life

Kaiser Friedrich Wilhelm Viktor Albrecht was born on January 27, 1859 to his father and his mother. Due to coming out the wrong way, his left hand was deformed. He was suprisingly open about his deformity, letting everyone who wanted to see it see it, and he even demanded that all pictures of him show his withered left hand; however it always turned out hidden for some reason. In Wilhelm's words:

The camera hates me.

Also during his childhood, his father taught him the manly art of wearing skirts, a tradition still practiced by some in Germany to this day. Wilhelm hated the skirts, though, because he was not a transvestite like his daddy. When he was 6, he was tutored by a 39 year-old man named Georg "Orgy" Hinzpeter. It was reported that Georg never praised WIlhelm for his efforts, except when he really pleasured him. Despite (or possibly because of) the trauma he faced as a child, he

would grow up to be an ambitious, belligerent, and mildly crazy leader of German Empire. But not yet! You're still in the Early Life section, silly.

[edit] Adolescence

As a teenager, WIlhelm was given a mediocre education at Kassel in the University of Bonn. His teachers said that he was gifted with intelligence, but he had quite a "cantankerous temper." 16 bottles of vodka were found later that day in the teachers' lounge. Wilhelm was quite interested in the science and technology of the day, so he studied that. He was also accused of Megalomania in 1892 and again in 1894 by Ludwig Quidde.

[edit] Inventions

Very few know that Kaiser Wilhelm II was a very prominent inventor in Germany. Among his inventions was the Kaiser roll, a breadstuff so hard, you'd think it was something The Rock was cooking. Another invention of Wilhelm was The Wilhelm Scream, an emo band. It is well-documented that emo music started in Germany.