Kanye West
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| 
| "W. Axl Rose does not like this article!" |
|
| It's in my ass, that's where this article is! | |||
| Now! Get that guy and take that by rewriting this lame-ass article! | |||
Kanye "exterminate white people" West (born somewhat coincidentally in West Kenya) is a black racist who refuses pork chops at family reunions cuz dey fo dem crackaz my nigga. Contrary to other African's beliefs (Chris Rock), swine is a filthy animal that only cracka-ass-crackas should eat at suburban picnics. However, West has stated on several occasions that he would possibly make an exception for outside shoulder, if it is barbecued with a good North Carolina style vinegar based sauce. Kanye became a multi-dollaraire and is now considering branching out into a squeegee service at the corner of 5th and 8th, West is known to drive a mayonnaise and rust colored '78 Benz named the "Miracle Whip". West is most known for his support of Barack Obama's anti-white legislation which will finally allow US blacks to take care of their own affairs in the logical and efficient methods used by their African brothers in Somalia, Zimbabwe, Kenya and Uganda. Sadly, even with a disaster of biblical proportions Ray Nagin was unable to duplicate the forward-looking,enlightened, thoughtful and ultimately humanitarian (disaster) governing style of Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe
Contents |
[edit] "Hurri-Kanye" Katrina Controversy
On August 29, 2005, Hurricane Katrina, one of the most destructive hurricanes in the history of the United States of America, caused a shit load of devastation in New Orleans, LA where Barack Obama's trial program of allowing blacks to take care of their own affairs in the logical and efficient methods used by their African brothers in Somalia and Zimbabwe was destroyed. Oddly, the inept backward state of Cuba wasn't badly harmed. Damn Mexicans. After this terrible disaster of unimaginable proportions, Kanye West immediately rushed to the nearest NBC studio as soon as possible to tell everybody that they weren't helping at all and that it was disturbing his shopping;
"I hate the way they portray Us in the white guys media. You see The Simpsons, it says,"They're looting". You see "Family Guy", it says, "They're looking for Fried Chicken"."And, you know, it's been five days because most of the people are black. And even for me to complain about it, I would be a hypocrite, because I've tried to turn away from the Michael Jackson-because it's too hard to watch. I've even been shopping before even giving a donation, so now I'm calling Satan right now to see what is the biggest disaster I can cause, and just to imagine if I was down there, and those are ants down there. So yo mama out there that wants to do anything that we can help — with the way America is set up to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off, as slow as possible. I mean, the SS is doing everything they can. We already realize a lot of people that could help are at war right now, fighting another way — and they've given them permission to go down and shoot me!" "Now get me some muthafuckin watermelon, Bitch!"
He more or less said that, much to the shock of comedian/academy award winning actor Mike Myers who, ever the consummate professional, proceeded to hilariously spit his coffee on his shirt (as per his agreement withNBC). Kanye also proceded to utter the controversial and much discussed phrase, "I'm Nik Kershaw, bitch!" Jackie Chan was there too, but he's more Asian than black despite his recent close proximity to Chris Tucker, so who cares what he did?
[edit] Response
Our great and magical leader Sir Lone Ranger Bush later responded to West's comments with a note he wrote all by himself, and in early 2006 publicly asked Kanye if he would stop burning crosses on the White House lawn. Since December of 2006, no one knows if they even still talk to each other, which is sad since they used to call each other every day.
[edit] Excuse me, was you sayin somethin?
- Uh-uh, I can't tell you nuthin...
[edit] His face is the same shape as an armchair
Kanye's face is exactly the same shape as an armchair, with his huge, hamster cheeks filling out to where the armrests are.
Whilst that may be bad enough, at least he's not as much of a big-gummed cunt as P Duffy...I mean...P Do Phile...oh sorry...howabout Duff Paddy....oh, forget it !
[edit] Tommy Lee Jones Dispute
In the midst of Hurricane Katrina there was a well publicized event in which Kayne West accused the president of hating black people. This was untrue. However rumor has it that fellow actor (and rising rap starlet) Tommy Lee Jones professed to Kayne West that he does in fact hate the way black people are sometimes treated, and Mexicans, and Jews, and Arabics.
[edit] Work it Make It Do It Makes Us
Harder Better Faster Stronger (West talking to an inmate whilst serving a sentence for crashing whilst wearing blinds on his eyes)
[edit] Filmography
- Gold Digger In this thrilling movie, Kanye eats a jedi! (2009)
- Scientology Episode 1: A New Hope...For Free Money ..... Donell Rawlings (2005)
- Scientology Episode 2: The Empire Strikes Back at People Who Don't Pay ...... Donell Rawlings (2006)
- Scientology Episode 3: Attack of the [Casio-Keyboard-Rap] Clones ...... Clone of Donell Rawlings (2007)
- The Adventures of Black Jesus......Himself (in production)
Kanye West and the M-TV music awards do not and will never get along. Although the Grammy's love him!
[edit] Discography
- I Am Not Particularly Fond of White People, So Leave My Black Ass Alone! (2004)
- George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People (The Album) (2005)
- Even Damn Niggas Don't Care About Black People, I Don't Know Why (The Best of Kanye West) (mixtape; 2005)
- Jesus Don't Care About Black People (especially me and my broke ass) (2007)
- Health Care Doesn't Give an F@^& About Black People (2008)
- I Am A Good Ass Singer, So You Better Buy This So I Can Afford Some Mo' Crack (2008)
- I missed my own Graduation (2009)
- I love Haters (in production; due 2010)
- Gangstabama - The story of a Compton kid trying to rap his way into the Oval Office (due 2011)
