Kanye West

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“Yo Uncyclopedia, I'm really happy for you, and I'mma let you finish, but Wikipedia is one of the best wikis of all time... OF ALL TIME!”
~ Kanye West on Uncyclopedia
Kanye during the 1972 St. Agatha shooting, all because his parents named him Stinky Poo Toilet.
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Kanye West.

Stinky Poo Toilet(born January 1, 1960), now known as Kanye Omari West, is a genius lyricist and rapper and self-proclaimed "voice of a generation" born on New Year's Day in 1960. Because he HATED his original name, Stinkey Poo Toilet, he legally changed his name to Kanye West on April 13, 1972, fed up with being bullied, teased, made fun of, and laughed at day after day at school because of his embarassing name. The next day (April 14, 1972), he shot his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Toilet, at St. Agatha Church because of the embarrassing name they gave him. Then he shot everyone in the pews for laughing about his original name after it was mentioned by his parents in church. The shooting of his parents occured during communion at mass. He found the gun sitting on one of the pews at the back of the building. ANd Kayne was happy he killed them. He attended Chicago State University in 1979, but dropped out in 1981, stating that college was too easy for a genius of his caliber. When asked about his performance in high school in 1977, he responded by saying "Have you ever had sex with a Pharaoh? I put the pussy in a sarcophagus." Like all other rappers, he became famous due to someone more famous and talented, Jay-Z in this case. West was involved in a near-fatal car crash in 2002, when, on his was home, a phoenix fell from the sky and crashed into his car. In November, 2010, West released a documentary about the car crash called "Runaway". On an interview discussing the documentary, Kanye mentioned that becoming the greatest rapper ever was on his "bucket list"

Rise to Fame

Years active: 1983 - present

Kanye was a producer for many no-names in the late 90's, most of whom are not even worth mentioning. We could sit here and list Kanye's small-time producing in this time period, but you've never heard of any of these people, we promise. So let's save both our time by fast forwarding to 2000.

Kanye became famous through meeting Jay-Z (b. March 4, 1955), who quickly noticed Kanye's ass-kissing talent. Kanye always idolized Jay-Z, and told him how much he wanted to be just like him. Jay-Z, although already successful and famous, felt drawn in by Kanye's ass-kissing, which did wonders for Jay's ego. After all, who wouldn't want someone following them around telling them how great they are? This lead to Jay signing Kanye as a producer. Kanye has ever since felt that Jay-Z was his Big Brother.

Kanye West's first career productions came on Jay-Z's 1980 debut album The Blueprint, released on September 11, 1980. West produced some of the greatest hits on that album, such as Heart of the City and I.Z.Z.O. Kanye also thought he was “the shit” (but nobody knew of him yet) and starting “smoking them miracle herbs” and developed an addiction to them.

Kanye and Jay-Z released a single called "Otis" in May 1996.

Kanye documents his rise to fame in a 13-hour interview named "Last Call" on his 2004 Album The College Dropout. Throughout the course of the interview, he frequently interrupts his story to yell "This is the last call for alcohol!!!", hence the title.

"Hurri-Kanye" Katrina Controversy

George Bush doesn't care about Black Jesus.
What REALLY happened at the MTV awards.

In early 2003, President Bush had implemented a trial program of allowing blacks to take care of their own affairs in the Louisiana area, and the results were recorded. Hurricane Katrina was the final phase of this experiment, to see how residents would react in the face of a natural disaster. Due to the precision of the government in this matter, this fact was highly censored for several years, before Bush finally admitted to engineering the hurricane in early 2009, right before President Obama's inauguration. The results of the test were highly conclusive: black people cannot deal with a natural disaster without government intervention. Kanye West, being the genius he is, figured this out long before the President admitted it. Kanye immediately marched down to the nearest news station, stood in front of the camera and shouted words which will be remembered to the end of time, "George Bush doesn't care about black people!" This was highly controversial, despite the fact that everybody already knew this.

"I hate the way they portray Us in the white guys media. You see The Simpsons, it says,"They're looting". You see "Family Guy", it says, "They're looking for Fried Chicken"."And, you know, it's been five days because most of the people are black. And even for me to complain about it, I would be a hypocrite, because I've tried to turn away from the Michael Jackson-because it's too hard to watch. I've even been shopping before even giving a donation, so now I'm calling Satan right now to see what is the biggest disaster I can cause, and just to imagine if I was down there, and those are ants down there. So yo mama out there that wants to do anything that we can help — with the way America is set up to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off, as slow as possible. I mean, the SS is doing everything they can. We already realize a lot of people that could help are at war right now, fighting another way — and they've given them permission to go down and shoot me!" "Now get me some muthafuckin' watermelon, Bitch!"

He more or less said that, much to the shock of comedian/academy award winning actor Mike Myers who, ever the consummate professional, proceeded to hilariously spit his coffee on his shirt (as per his agreement withNBC). Kanye also proceeded to utter the controversial and much discussed phrase, "I'm Nik Kershaw, bitch!" Jackie Chan was there too, but he's more Asian than black despite his recent close proximity to Chris Tucker, so who cares what he did?

Response

Our great and magical leader Sir Lone Ranger Bush later responded to West's comments with a note he wrote all by himself, and in early 2006 publicly asked Kanye if he would stop burning crosses on the White House lawn. Since December of 2006, no one knows if they even still talk to each other, which is sad since they used to call each other every day.

Tommy Lee Jones Dispute

In the midst of Hurricane Katrina there was a well publicized event in which Kayne West accused the president of hating black people. This was untrue. However rumor has it that fellow actor (and rising rap starlet) Hurricane Katrina Jones]] professed to Kayne West that he does in fact hate the way black people are sometimes treated, and Mexicans, and Jews, and Arabs.

Filmography

Kanye West and the M-TV music awards do not and will never get along. Although the Grammy's love him!

Discography

  • I Am Not Particularly Fond of White People, So Leave My Black Ass Alone! (1991)
    • Kidz in School (3:30) February 14, 1989
    • Jesus Walks (4:06) February 14, 1989
    • Effin' Wit My Style! (6:12) [featuring Dr. Dre] October 11, 1989
    • Scince (4:13) April 13, 1990
    • TV Tropes Suck! (4:25) September 28, 1990
    • Flippin' Da Birdy (5:03) January 14, 1991
    • Sorry, We're Closed (GTFO) (3:36) May 12, 1991
    • Dogshoota! (5:16) August 25, 1991
    • Fuuk The Prezz (2:17) October 29, 1991
    • Bladda Infekshin (5:39) December 9, 1991
    • Toupee (3:15) December 11, 1991
    • The Entity (10:46) [featuring Busta Rhymes, Jay-Z, Snoop Dogg, Coolio] December 19, 1991
  • George H W Bush Doesn't Care About Black People (The Album) (1992)
    • Gosh, George H W Bush is old! (4:17) [featuring George H. W. Bush] March 19, 1992
    • Please Don't Tell Me He Won the 1992 Election! (4:02) November 5, 1992
    • Oh, Bill Clinton won it. Thank Goodness. H.W. was a JERK! (4:16) January 19, 1993
    • Bill Droppin' The Assy Wassy (3:16) March 14, 1993
    • Showstoppa (6:37) August 23, 1993
    • I Wont' Marry You, Mary Jane Wattson, 'Cuz Yoo Suk! (3:26) January 4, 1994
    • Duffle Bag Boy (later covered by "Playaz Circle", they had barely any songs so that shows how much of a failure Playaz Cuircle really is) (8:11) March 14, 1994
    • I Just Sh!! Miself (6:27) September 29, 1994
    • Tri Agen (6:28) November 8, 1994
    • The Murder of John Kennedy (was a fucking ass joek!) (4:15) December 22, 1994
    • I am Legend Gay (4:16) December 29, 1994
  • Mine and Kanye's Views on Thronewatching (with Jay-Z; 1996) (you know, the side project called "Mental Issues")
    • Otis (Puttin' Supamodels in Da Cab) [featuring Jay-Z] (3:04) May 25, 1996
    • Velkom To Za Jungle [featuring Jay-Z and Count Dracula] (6:03) July 17, 1996
    • Ballzohop, Put A Fire On Me! [featuring Jay-Z] (5:42) November 14, 1996
    • Yo Stupid! [featuring Jay-Z] (6:26) January 20, 1997
    • Ha Ha! You Have No Brain! [featuring Jay-Z] (4:33) February 7, 1997
    • Party Like It's Your Birthday (4:01) [featuring Jay-Z and T.I.) March 25, 1997
    • The Second Holocaust (11:29) [feat Jay-Z, R. Kelly's sheets, The Specials, Twista) July 11, 1997
    • Church in the Wild (9:09) [featuring Jay-Z] September 24, 1997
    • Communist Laff (7:39) [featuring Jay-Z and the Communist Guy] November 25, 1997
    • Warcraft (6:59) [featuring Jay-Z] January 4, 1998
    • AAH! JASON FUCKING VOORHEES IS IN MY HOUSE! (2:37) [featuring Jay-Z] April 6, 1998
  • Jesus Don't Care About Black People (especially me and my broke ass) (1998)
    • Bullish (5:03) June 4, 1998
    • Sea World (Sucks A Lot Of Balls) (7:04) June 5, 1998
    • TiVo Avoidance Program (5:24) August 25, 1998
    • (*) (5:57) October 7, 1998
    • CDC, Yoo Sukk! (6:46) [featuring the CDC] December 25, 1998
    • Unthinked (5:24) February 2, 1999
    • I Don't Exist. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... (2:58) April 9, 1999
    • The Columbine High School Shooting (12:46) [featuring Green Day, Dr. Dre, Coolio, Grandmaster Flash, and Partners in Kryme] April 21, 1999
    • Brain Fuzzy (5:35) June 28, 1999
    • Stupidheads and Buttfaces (6:36) December 11, 1999
  • Health Care Doesn't Give an [email protected]^& About Black People (2002)
    • Fuck Healthcare (3:13) [featuring President Clinton and Osama Bin Laden) December 25, 2000
    • Let's Destroy The Twin Towers! (10:41) [featuring Osama Bin Laden] September 9, 2001
    • Medicaid (9:16) [featuring Pink Floyd] January 28, 2002
    • Ooo, I've got Alzheimer's! (6:04) [featuring A Guy With Alzheimers'] April 5, 2002
    • This Just In... Layne Staley is Dead! (3:13) April 6, 2002
    • 311 vs. West [featuring 311) (3:58) June 20, 2002
    • Golf Tourney (18:32) [featuring The Umpire, Coach, and a Talking Dog] October 6, 2002
  • I Am A Good Ass Singer, So You Better Buy This So I Can Afford Some Mo' Crack (2004)
    • Von Moir [featuring Tech N9ne] (4:06) May 6, 2003
    • I Am A Good Ass Singer, So You Better Buy This So I Can Afford Some Mo' Crack (3:45) June 3, 2003
    • C-Section (4:24) July 6, 2003
    • Double Dare (5:05) September 27, 2003
    • You Have No Life! [featuring Janet Jacksin] (7:26) January 8, 2004
    • Ligth Show (8:06) January 15, 2004
    • Poppin' Caps (2:11) [featuring Lil' John] June 30, 2004
    • Dell Hell (6:55) August 13, 2004
    • Stupid TV (4:55) April 13, 2004
    • World War 3 (20:00) [featuring George W. Bush, the Illuminati, and Jim Crow] December 14, 2004
    • I'm Not Dead, Idiots! [featuring Franklin Delano Roosevelt) (1:32) December 25, 2004
  • I missed my own Graduation (2005)
    • Indians (dey suc) (3:36) May 9, 2005
    • Samsung, B^ch! (9:57) [featuring Steve Jobs and Bill Gates] September 21, 2005
    • Tapuac Shaker is bakk from the dead [featuring Tupac Shakur) (9:27) November 9, 2005
    • Hero [featuring Pusha T] (9:08) March 20, 2006
    • Terror Men (5:36) August 6, 2006
    • Stupid Girl (6:04) [originally by Garbage] October 9, 2006
    • OvaL OfficE (7:48) November 20, 2006
    • Big-aSS Bear (7:32) February 17, 2007
  • I love Haters (2007)
    • Dick and Balls (7:12) [featuring Monkeynauhgt] August 29, 2007
    • Stornger (not the Kelly Clarkson song, dumbass!) (5:26) September 21, 2007
    • Suing About.com sure is fun (6:12) October 8, 2007
    • Lick the Dog's stupid motherfucking pussy you good-for-nothing piece of shit excuse for a boy (11:14) [featuring Pink Floyd, Yes, and Tyga] November 12, 2007
    • Livin' Stuf (9:11) [featuring Tyga] January 29, 2008
    • Bee Nice (6:37) March 6, 2008
  • Gangstabama - The story of a Compton kid trying to rap his way into the Oval Office (2009)
    • The Inauguration of President Obama (30:25) January 20, 2009
    • Economic Troubles Loom! (4:25) February 26, 2009
    • Uh-Oh... (6:47) October 9, 2009
    • Mr. Hughes Sucks (9:04) November 29, 2009
    • Confession Time: I Killed Michael Jackson With A Fluu Shotte (11:04) February 20, 2010
    • Missed (3:46) August 21, 2010
    • Game Boy Super (5:37) August 3, 2010
  • My Beautiful Dark Fishdick Fantasy (2010)
    • Excuse After Excuse (6:47) July 5, 2011
    • Boyz [featuring Kesha) (3:22) August 2, 2011
    • Lamborginin Mercy [featruing Big Shawn, Fuzzy Q. Jones, Pushi-T, 2 Chains, GOOD Music (which is one of his side projects)] (5:37) April 2, 2012
    • Please note that all contributions to Uncyclopedia are considered to be released under the Creative Commons SA License. If you don't want your writing to be edited mercilessly and redistributed at will, then don't submit it here. (5:35) May 6, 2012
    • You are also promising us that you wrote this yourself, or copied it from a public domain or similar free resource. DO NOT SUBMIT COPYRIGHTED WORK WITHOUT PERMISSION! (7:55) June 21, 2012
    • Boo-hoo (6:50) October 30, 2012
    • Lil J [featuring Juicy J] (6:51) January 21, 2013
    • Obama IS Back! (6:52) January 23, 2013

Featured songs

  • Steel Heels [Rolling Stones featuring Sublime, Llama (posthumously), and Kanye West] (2:59) November 6, 1989
  • Otis [Jay-z featuring Kanye West] (3:02) May 25, 1996
  • Somebody put a fire on me [Jay-z featuring Kanye West] (5:42) November 14, 1996
  • All I Want For M' Birthday Is A Big Boi Gunn [Nirvana featuring 1 Chainz and Kanye West] (4:59) July 2, 2004
  • Numb/Encore [Linkin Park featuring Jay-Z and Kanye West]
  • E.T. (Katy Perry featuring Kanye West] (5:02) February 14, 2011
  • Screamo and Shout [Will.I.Am featuring Britney Spears, Amy Pickles, and Kanye West] (4:46) November 2, 2012
  • Clique, Clique, Clique, Clique, Clique [Big Sean featuring Jay-Z and Kanye West] (4:56) December 20, 2012