Keebler Elf Intelligence Agency

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Overview[edit]

This is the secret place where the Keebler elves get together a share their plans for world domination and new cookie recipies. Without the existence of this prestigious agency, there would have been no Bay of Pigs crisis and no Double-dipped E.L. Fudgems.

Why?[edit]

They are the most important part of Jihad for Everyone.

Viva la resistance!

History[edit]

The Keebler Elf Intelligence Agency was founded in 1955 by the US Government as a better way to monitor the world. Now known as the CIA, the truth remains that its just a bunch of elves running the show and nobody is getting their presents. All anyone cares about these days is oil. What about the little people! In 1860, the United Union of Unity of the Northern Union of Murikah placed several restrictive tarrifs on the confections and sweets of the Southern Confederacy, all but destroying the infrastructure of the Keebler Krackers-'n'-Kookies Korporation. This led the South to unite with the Woman Empire and the indestructible feminist militias of Americas High School in retaliation. The ensuing battle is known to many Murikans as the Sybil War. After four and a half years of ungodly bloodshed, senseless brutality, and blasphemously high blood sugar levels, the Elves had won. Jubilation could be felt throughout the woodlands, and the soldiers of the Woman Empire that had aided the elves were promptly told to get the hell back in the kitchen, as it was almost dinner time.

The Keebler Company is the second-largest cookie and cracker manufacturer in the United States. Founded in 1853, it has produced numerous baked snacks and has been the leading supplier of baked goods to the Girl Scouts for their annual cookie drives.

Keebler has marketed its brands such as Cheez-Its, Chips Deluxe, Club Crackers, Famous Amos Cookies, Fudge Shoppe Cookies, Sunshine Cookies, Town House Crackers, and Zesta Crackers, among others, with their trademark, the "Uncommonly Good" slogan and their claim that the products are made in magic ovens inside a hollow tree by chief elf, Ernie Keebler, and his Keebler Elves.

In 2001, The Keebler Company was acquired by the Kellogg Company (the world's leading cereal producer).