Kelsey Grammar

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“He's my voice! how flattering! Mabey the next time i try to kill Bart Simpson, i could disgusie my voice as Frasier to trick him! (laughs miniacally, then accidentally steps on a rake, mutters)”

~ Sideshow Bob on Kelsey Grammar

“He really needs to study his grammer.”

~ Junior High School Teacher on Kelsey Grammar's Grammar

“I have hunch that, given the current trends of statistical sexual intercourse charts from the last 3 years, I have a 19.5% chance of getting laid tonight.”

~ Kelsey Grammar on Secks

“I'm listening.”

~ Dr. Frasier Crane on Kelsey Grammer
Kelsey's wacky antics in "Cheers" won the hearts of viewers everywhere but, alas, signaled the beginning of the end and also was a warning of things to come.

Kelsey Grammar, also known as Kelsey Grammer, Grammar Kelsey, Granma Kelsey, Kel Grammy, Special K' and R Kelsey, is the son of Howie and Kevin from famous pop sensation Blue Man Group. Kelsey, or 'The Kelster,' as his closest friends call him, was abandoned by his parents, as he was born with a rare skin condition that prevented him from being blue.

Kelsey began his career in the music industry. In an attempt to impress his estranged parents, he released the song 'I'm blue on the inside'. Sadly, the record was shit and ruined Kelsey's life, turning him into a liquid.

Alcoholism however, turned out to be Kelsey's saviour. He became a regular on NBC's reality television show Cheers, the show about people who spend all day in a bar and never seem to work or get drunk. The American nation fell in love with his wit and sex appeal. Kelsey used his new found fame to invent 'Grammar', which is something to do with words and punctuation. Grammar has profited heavily from the use of grammar.

Following the closure of the Bull & Finch pub, Grammar went into show business as a sidekick for the popular childrens' entertainer, Danny Bonaduce. Bonaduce claims that he was never able to remember Kelsey's name because it had too many syllables, but Grammar claims that it was because Bonaduce was illiterate. Whatever the case may be, Bonaduce always addressed Kelsey as "Bob".

Kelsey Grammar, star of hit comedy shows Cheers, Frasier and that shitty new one where he's a shitty anchorman.

Due to Bonaduce's severe gambling debts, "Sideshow" Grammar was never paid for his performances. Unfortunately, Grammar was not technically an employee, but rather an indentured servant of the show who lived in a deluxe refrigerator box in an alley next to the studio. With no money, and no options for leaving, he turned to crime for wages and framed his boss to take the fall. Much to Grammar's dismay, his plans were foiled by a young robot, named Bender. Grammar was incarcerated and released several times. Each release resulted in an even more shameless parody. Despite the lack of originality in the parodies, 'Sideshow' Grammar was provided a platform to showcase his talents, reviving the interest in his previous invention of 'Grammar' (although this author believes it to be highly overrated).

Grammar was hugely popular and brought Kelsey wealth beyond his wildest dreams. Kelsey used his wealth to have a life-changing operation that turned him blue, like his fathers before him. The operation was a complete success (see picture, left), and has brought Kelsey the love and respect of his parents, as well as a place in an army of freaks led by Captain Picard.


Grammar is engaged a long-standing feud with fellow actor Denzel Washington, regarding Washington's use of grammar, and his portrayal of Grammar in the forthcoming epic Grammar, The Movie.

Kelsey with cast of Cheers, those loveable drunken bums.

Notable TV and Film Roles[edit]

  • Dr Frasier Crane in Cheers (1984-1993), Frasier (1993-2004), and Nobody Cares (2004-2005).
  • Benito Mussolini in various forged documentary footage (1922-present) and The Erotioc Adventures of Il Duce (1986).
  • Sideshow Bob in The Simpsons (1990-present).
  • William Shatner in Star Trek VIII: The Long, Slow Decline (1992).
  • Stewie Griffin in Family Guy (1999-present). Many people often say that Stewie is voiced by Grammer's Frasier costar David Hyde Pierce. This is a common misconception. So, yeah.
  • Himself in the Friends episode 'The One With Kelsey Grammer In It' (2001).
  • Himself in Why I Hate Denzel Washington (2004-2005).
  • Roger the Alien in American Dad (2005-present). An alien that can be ape-shit crazy up your ass.
  • Shitty Anchorman in that shitty sitcom that nobody likes or watches (2007-present).
  • Prostitute Number 984 in the Spanish remake of Planet of the Apes.
  • Random Captain in Star Trek The Next Generation . In this role he was very fond of taking his clothes off and asks at Captain Picard if he likes sex and if he is having any right now. See Below