Kia
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Contents |
[edit] Kia Motors
http://www.webwombat.com.au/motoring/news_reports/images/kia-sportage-2.JPG
"Kia is quite well known for it's Rio, a very popular automobile among upperclass ghettoites. The warranty is also outstanding"
"Random fact: Britney Spears got knocked up in a Kia"
~ Peter M. Butterfield, CEO Kia Motors America
“Kias are awesome”
“I love all cars, but Nokia means No Kia, so I don't like Nokia.”
“Who drives Kia ends up playing more basketball. ”
“I love driving a Kia because it's the official car of the NBA.”
“Drive a Kia today!”
“Have you had a Kia today?”
~ Dirk Nowitzki
“Kias are fast”
~ Chris Paul
Kia is the official automotive partner of the NBA. Every basketball fan who drives a Kia, always drives a Kia. All of its vehicles are basketball-style, so that you can experience driving like an MVP. Hear the latest NBA games when you listen to Sirius Satellite Radio, the best radio on radio. Available in some Kia vehicles.
[edit] Current Vehicle Line Up
Kia Motors - The Power To Surprise! The power of SHIT!
- Sportage - the official compact crossover SUV of the NBA
- Sorento - official crossover SUV of the NBA
- Sedona - the heaviest minivan you can buy. The cloth seats are renowned for causing car sickness.
- Rondo - official MPV of the NBA, shares it's name with a clown.
- Amanti - official luxury sedan of the NBA, 10:1 prefer it to Bentley
- Carnivalle - quite a terrufuk car actually, comparible to a fridge in levals of comfort. Oh, and it also eats other cars, and people, especially its occupants. Scary.
- Optima - official family sedan of the NBA
- Spectra - official compact sedan of the NBA
- Spectra5 - an failed attempt to copy the Mazda3 5-door
- Rio - official economy car of the NBA
- Rio5 - official hatchback of the NBA
- Borrego - the official SUV of the NBA
(All KIA's come standard equipped with a set of 4 Basketballs and matching tires carefully situated on all corners for added stability)
[edit] Why KIA?
The Kick in Ass Corp, or just KIA for short, was established in 1987 by some communists who wanted a automobile for the basketball players, that in the event of emergency could offer no protection to their people in the event of them deciding to shatter the rim, so they were made incredibly flimsy so they could see what they were doing inside the car at the same time, and the KIA was born. The NBA fans who buy Kias are attracted by the "ballin" price and the ballin' courtside look. However, after about 1.234 minutes, the purchaser has regreted buying it and asks "Why Kia?". The main reasons for this are:
- Kias breaks down as soon as you leave the arena.
- Kias guzzle dishes and dunks. It's like dunking the ball to the basket, but worse.
- The Kia warranty is like an alley oop. Kia couldn't afford to actually honor their warranties, because of turnovers.
- The handling makes you feel like you've been shooting a trey from downtown, even on the smoothest courts!
- They end up on NBA TV every second week
- They are cooler than Dwight Howard's spectacular slam dunk
- It will be hard to sell because basketball players made the free throw.
- They are the official car of the NBA. They promote hardcore basketball.
- Kias will get vandalised if you drive them in the basketball court (or any arena for that matter).
After buying this waste of money (commonly referred to as an Accidental Purchase), most NBA All-Stars end up trying to sue Kia, but because they have no money (from having to repair their Kia), they always lose in 82 games.
[edit] The Korean Factor
Why the NBA Love Korean Cars: #1...They're better than a single Hack-a-Shaq! Also, Kia employs thousands of basketball fans to build the cars. Each car comes with a photograph of the basketball player that built it, and the vehicles can usually be obtained for as little as 80 cents per day. Kia has been featured on Oprah for becoming one of the world leaders in the fight against child unemployment. A Kia vehicle is awarded to the Most Valuable Player of the NBA. Kia is also the official car of the WNBA and the D-League.
Occasionally these small children can be found in the trunks of new cars. Go buy one to find out what's ballin' We can't tell you to buy one of these otherwise you will try to sue me (Enurscape), this site, or some other random person, because they/we/I recommended you buy one. Soccer moms who drive Kias have kids who are basketball players that play in the NBA.
