Kick-Ass

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Kick-Ass is a film directed by Matthew Vaughn starring Aaron Johnson. It signifies the beginning of a new age in popular culture, and by popular culture, we mean everyday life. Seriously, you just wait. Soon enough, the world will be run by little girls with deadly weapons and populated by teenage wannabes in wetsuits. You'll see.

Plot[edit]

The film tells the story of Dave Lizewskipiklewkafzkizkiretard, a nerdy teenager with a life of awesomeness. One day, out of sheer boredom, he decides to become a superhero. He dons a Mardis Gras costume and mask and becomes Kick-Ass: Defender of the Innocent Asses. But he decides that's not catchy enough, and just calls himself Kick-Ass. However, things don’t go very well for him the first time out, and he contemplates quitting, after all, he does get covered in period blood, raped and stabbed. He also loses his clothes because the period blood was acidic and came from the mangina of an Alien, and people call him gay. But he figures he ought to keep on keeping on and tries it again, this time with some resemblance of sucess. Through his adventures, he comes into contact with professional vigilantes Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage) and Hit-Girl (Chloë Grace Moretz). They’re out to stop drug kingpin Frank D’Agangsta (Mark Strong) and Kick-Ass—in a way only an untrained buffoon like him could—gets involved. Hit-Girl proceeds to pwn everybody while Kick-Ass dukes it out with Frank D'Agangsta's son, Red Mist. They both make an epic fail, but somehow, Kick-Ass manages to blow up Mr. D'Agangsta. The End.

Characters[edit]

Kick-Ass: The supposed star of the film. He's a nerd with way too much free time on his hands.

Red Mist: It's McLovin, but as a supervillian.

Big Daddy: If Adam West and Frank Miller had a freakish love-child, it would probably be a lot like Big Daddy. He's cool. Fo shizzle.

Hit-Girl: Hit-Girl's awesomeness is too big for this article.

Legacy[edit]

The film has become most popular with nerds on the internet, as well as film buffs. The latter of which obviously has more credibility. Regardless, the most interesting part is that conservatives and old people think the movie is morally unsound. Right, because a movie that contains the phrase "Fuck you, Mr. Bitey!" should totally be taken as a moral guideline for life.