Kid Rock

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Kid Rock, born of Scientologist father Jack Dossin and Scientologist-Christian-Hindu mother Shrek, was born and raised in South-Korea, (just North of Camerica). Kid Rock is in no way related to Hank Williams Jr. although many idiots do seem to think so. His father hid his gayness from his mother. One of Jack's secret gay lovers, Gandalf the Grey, often molested Kid Rock as a child, and threatened to kill him and his family if he ever told. He would often end rape sessions saying "keep it secret, keep it gay." Kid Rock was emotionally disturbed by matters and began hating himself. When he was in school, other kids beat him up for his faith in Scientology.

Although, Kid Rock was smart and didn't believe any of it and tried to talk himself out of going to "church" with his parents. For his denial, his parents began to beat him rapidly with a shovel and a wet noodle. To make matters worse, his mother found out about his fathers gay love affair with other men and walked out on Jack and the Kid. Mr. Dossin ended up with a disease called Molophobia (a disease associated with having huge dicks shoved up one's ass.) This std was life threatening and Kid Rock feared the death of his father would lead him to his legal god-father, Gandalf the Grey. In all his dipression, Kid Rock began cutting himself.

Mr. Rock often finds himself embarrassed by the fact that his only real hit in the UK was 'All Summer Long', which was shit.

After becoming successful, and actually creating two semi-good albums (Devil Without A Cause and Cocky), Rock went into "fuck it" mode and decided it was time to make shitty music. He began by stealing from Metallica, who had actually stolen from Napster (but don't tell Lars that). After that, Rock proceeded to make a self-titled album that nobody bought, and then "Rock And Roll Jesus", which should have been called "Jesus Wouldn't Listen To This Shit." And that's what it was. Shit. If you lived in America through the summer of 2008, you heard the song "All Summer Long" somewhere around 4,039,403,278,497 times. But that's just an estimate. Considering the song sucked ass, you might not have noticed...

[edit] Stepping Into The Spotlight

When he became a teenager, he turned to himself to get over his emotional stress, and began masturbating. The masturbating became so intense that he soon developed a strong likeness for men and clean shaven deer. His homosexuality often cause more bully beatings and more cutting of his wrist. Eventually Gandalf moved in with the father and son and Kid Rock became more terrified of coming home every day. Like most teenagers, he decided to look for a part time job.

He landed a job at a bar playing the acoustic guitar, but was fired for his deep and emotional lyrics, such as his song "I hope you get cancer and die" which he wrote about Gandalf for molesting him. One day, he came home from school and saw his father anal fucking Gandalf and then he ran into his bedroom and began song writing. Later that evening, while his father was making pancakes and pickles for dinner, the Kid overheard Gandalf on the phone, talking about selling Kid Rock himself into sex slavery.

Remembering Gandalf's threats he was too scared to tell anyone and decided to take a bus to Hollywood to try to get a recording contract. He eventually received one with Gay Records and his first single "I want to fucking murder you while a pig gnaws on your shoulder blade" skyrocketed to number one on the east side (gay side).

[edit] The Shooting

Kid Rock's "The History Of Cock" Tour sold out arenas everywhere and made him rise to fame in less than 3 weeks. Although he was begginging to feel happy again, a fan started stalking him. He became frightened again and life was falling back downhill for the Kid. The phone calls and harassment became so intense Kid Rock was going insaned, scared to sleep. One message found on his answering machine from the stalker, reported "You don't know the history of cock the way I do."

Soon, society thought Kid Rock was going nuts when he was found curled up in a ball in the corner rocking himself and mumbling the same thing over again. He was sent to a mental hospital, "Resort for Retards" for 7 years. On November 13th, 1919, the date of the Kid's release from his menatl hospital "Resort for Retards", he was shot by childhood molester Gandalf the Grey (today known as Gandalf the White). Fellow molestation victem Frodo Baggins was also shot for 'telling' earlier that same day. After the two murders, Gandalf repordedly shot himself, and said "you shall not pass" before he took his last breath.

He really does love balls in his face on Christmas Morning from the Black Santa. He needs to make sure that he get's it all.

Kid Rock On The Shooting; "Well you guys have to remember, i'm a self proclaimed bad-ass"

• Raw Asshole
• Cock-and-Balls Jesus

[edit] Songs

• I Hate Myself
• Sliced Veins
• Dark And Gay
• Hollow Inside
• I Hate You For Everything You Did To Me Like Molesting Me As A Child
• You Ruined My Life