Killer Gardener

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“If I could sum up gardening in one word, it would be orgasmic.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Gardening

The Genesis[edit]

Gardening is a Middle Eastern religion jacking most of it's ideas from Islam. It began as a death cult. Popular myth is that it was started by the prophet,Steve Martin, when actually, it was started by Edward Steichen and Louis IV. The cult mainly just sat around and got high off inhalers all day. In 1357, the woman's rights activist, Santa Clause, brought it to America. He jacked the holy book of Gardening, called "Chicken Soup For The Teenager Soul" from Costco, then called "Pizza Hut" and threw it across the ocean with a little help from his friends.

The Post Genesis Years[edit]

During 1915-1948, gardening became popular. Everyone wanted a lawn that could kill their no-good sneaky neighbors. And then, Robert Johnsenburg came up with fertilizer made from ground up cats, the lawns flourished, and neighbors started building homes further and further away to avoid stray killing strands of ivy. File:Toon xeriscape-gardener.jpg

Current Situation[edit]

We now have weed whackers and more grub worms, reducing the need to live far apart, although there are some cases of people dying by grass suffocation (note the suffocated deer in the picture).

Note the truck of witnesses trying to escape before the grass strikes again


We expect to eliminate the threat of killer grass in the next few years, unless Oprah unleashes her wicked plan to overtake the world with Bill Gates at her side. But maybe the public will kill Oprah and evil Gates, who knows, big brother does, big brother knows all.