(Murderus Sheepus) Anyone who has travelled to a petting zoo or the infamous town of Bethel, Vermont knows about the dangerous and deadly, killer sheep. On the outside, they look like a cute and cuddly, fluffy cloud with a tail, but on the inside of that soft wool lives a cold blooded killer. They learn their nasty ways from the behavior of black dogs and they are easily provoked by light-blue underwear.
The First Killer Sheep
The First ever killer sheep was recorded in 365 BC in the greek history of Thucydides. Thucydides stated that the sheep was summoned in a ritual by the ninja village of Athens by the high summoner Pericles (man responsible for building the parthenon and stringed cheese).
Apparently the sheep was created for the soul purpose of destroying sparta! In the following battle exactly 327 spartans did battle with the sheep, however upon realising their task was impossible they turned and fled having lost 27 men. Picking on the Persians instead. The sheep carried on its rampage soon decimating the almost the whole of greece. If it weren't for PUGSY BEAR!
As children in need successfully raised 93884727263474736487284001 pounds to save the children of greece they were able to summon forth a giant mechancal Pugsy to do battle with the sheep. History here becomes blurred but as far as we know the battle still wages this very day the two collosal warriors still fighting it out within Area 51.
To this very day after the sheeps attack little remains of sparta. However its offspring still roam the lands attacking unwarey travellers. Each more violent than the original sheep.
The History Teacher's Last Hurrah
During a second period European History class, one of these sheep realized that it was time to kill the teacher who was bad mouthing the original killer ship. That douche bag! During a discussion about the Holy Sheep of Poder the sheep jumped through the window and started chewing the teacher's arm off. The students tried to stop the lamb but to no avail. All of the students in that class were killed. This was only the first of the many murders committed by the lamb.
Now take a short break in this article about Killer sheep. Get up and stretch your back. Maybe get something to eat or drink. After a few minutes, when you feel refreshed and ready to learn again, sit down and finish the article.
Mary Who Had a Little Lamb
Following the vengeful murder of the cruel history teacher, the sheep moved on to fight against other sheep injustices. The first logical target was Mary who had a little lamb along with a little stuffing and gravy. The sheep, who was calling herself Nia, went to the school where Mary learned her sheep torture techniques. Nia was disgusted to see Mary dragging the sheep behind her with a ring of barbed wire as a collar. Nia waited for the right time, she could already taste her revenge. Once the little lamb made the children laugh and play cruel sheep torture games, Nia struck. She started by snapping all of the little children's necks and then she tied up Mary. She started the torture of Mary by slowly licking her face and then biting off her nose, much like the way Hannibal Lecter bit people, except of course, Hannibal ate people and he was a person, but Nia was a sheep, looking for revenge. The torture continued like this until Mary only had a torso left. Then, Nia set fire to the school and left. This was not Nia and the little lamb's last kill. After the murder of Mary, the two sheep went to the the bloodiest sheep death camp in existence, Shear-World, and plotted the murder of Little Bo Peep.
Little Bo Peep, Killing Her Sheep
After having killing two oppresors of sheep, Nia and Lamb X (which is what the little lamb was calling himself) went and started to plot the murder of the worst sheep torturer of all time, Little Bo Peep.The lambs were often torutred with exotic instruments from Euthanasia.
The two sheep started by calling secret meetings at night with the sheep who lived in the Shearing Camp. The two sheep learned that Bo Peep forced the lambs to follow her out into the woods. Then she would leave and force them to find their way home. If the
lambs weren't wagging their tails when they returned, they were beat with Bo Peep's whipping cane. After three weeks of plotting and planning, the Sheep Army struck. Lamb X and his team, Fluffy Squadron, snapped the necks of guards with super high kicks. Nia and Team Cuddles went straight to Bo Peep. They cut all of her hair off and fed it to her. Then, they ate her arms off. This is now the calling card of killer sheep worldwide. After eating her arms off, they threw her into a giant vat of itchy wool, not the nice cuddly stuff you get at Christmas. After the torture of Bo Peep. Lamb X, Nia, and the rest of the Sheep Army rested easy for a while. Now, the Nia lives in Bethel, VT again and she terrorizes the defenseless townsfolk.
Other Killer Sheep
Many other killer sheep have disgraced the Earth with their nasty presence. One of the most famous killer sheep was an apprentice under the Killer White Rabbit that appeared in the historically accurate film, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This sheep was tamed by King Arthur and Sir Vladimir to attack the French and eat their arms off. However, the sheep went totally, insanely, nuts and ate the English and the French's arms off. But, to climax, are the African Killer Sheep, the most dangerous of the lot. They have emmigrated from the mountain of Killersheepmonjaro and have settled in the murderous plains of the Yorkshire Dales. They have been known to kill Americans (the meat) and blame it on unsuspecting communists for no known reason at all.