Killer helper monkey

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The Killer Helper Monkeys are the most dangerous creatures that exist on earth. Often confused with killer monkeys or helper monkeys, the Killer Helper Monkeys have been linked to a large of deaths and insane people in Australia, Britain, USA and Uzbekistan.

Origins[edit]

Evil Monkeys are thought to be related to Killer Helper Monkeys

The exact Origin of the Killer Helper Monkeys is still unknown. Thought to have evolved from Helper monkeys, the Killer aspect is believed to have developed from a life of fast food and too much day time television. This was probably helped by exposure to Mexican Kungls sandwiches. In an order to ensure their own survival, the creatures are believed to have taken up killing as a way of exercising, after being told they were not suitable for a life as professional athletes.

The first sightings of the Killer Helper Monkeys stems from Greystanes in Sydney's far west, however these were ignored for many years, due to the socio-economic status of the region which has lead to the suburb being labeled as a 'hole' by Australian authorities.

Killer Helper Monkeys have since expanded to now be found in most parts of the world. (More in The spread of the monkey).

Spread of the Monkey[edit]

Unlike this monkey, the killer helper monkeys cannot fly

Where will you find a Killer Helper Monkey? Is there anywhere that is safe? Well in short, the answer really is no, they are everywhere. Due to the similar appearance to helper monkeys, the creatures were very quickly moved around the world from their origins to help work as call centre operators.

Their clear ability to not be able to speak a word of english, nor understand human emotions or logic made them extremely popular by most companies in the western world. The plans however by the companies did fail in most regards, considering the Monkeys were unable to use the phone, and were easily distracted from their main task of annoying customers by the throwing of fecies.

The killing of staff human staff members did not play a part in the sacking of most Killer Helper Monkeys around the world, that said a number still hold jobs today, including some high profile positions in well known companies such as HIH.

Confusing the Monkey[edit]

Within here are some Monkeys comonly confused to be Killer Helper Monkeys:

Watch out he has a sword!

Killer Monkey[edit]

They look like Killer Helper Monkeys, but there is no helper in them, in fact all they do is kill, they wont then help you afterwards when you die. Good idea to not stick around them, especially with their swords and all.

As you can see in this picture here, the plain Killer Monkeys carry with them hoods so they can blend in with people on the 'westside' of every city, thus making it slightly more difficult to pick them out when travelling around.


They seem to give guns to everyone these days

Human[edit]

Yes they look like Monkeys with Guns, but they really are just humans. Possibly not wise to be near these guys either, they don't look all that trust worthy.

As you can see here they seem to just give guns and helmets to anyone these days, whether they want to be in a war or not.


Twas the best of times, twas the blurst of times

Typing Monkey[edit]

From the A Thousand Monkeys all using typewriters type of monkey. Relatively harmless, though don't go near them with liquid paper.

It says these monkeys were discovered in the late 1984 by the famous Guatemalan explorer Cher, after her plane crashed in the New Jersey and she accidentally discovered the gates of hell, which were surrounded by monkeys (it is said that these monkeys were the inspiration for Dante Alighieri's famous romantic comedy: Harry Potter and the Journey to the Center of the Earth).


In memory of the poor soul who would of been destroyed when taking this photo

Kangorillia[edit]

Honestly If you see this thing, just stick away from it, its for your own good really, trust me, it just doesn't quite look safe to be around....

They supposably go under the name of Kangorillia though not a lot is known about them except that they can be summoned out of thin air by melting a bunch of bananas, a kangaroo egg, and a carton of unfiltered cigarettes in a microwave for 3 minutes set on high according to the website on them.


Mr T.[edit]

Oh no he has laser eyes!

Mr T pittys fools, what this has to do with Killer Helper Monkeys I don't know, but he seems to keep reappearing in things to do with Monkeys on this website, so he is here.

What to do if you come across a Killer Helper Monkey[edit]

If you happen to come across one of these Killer Helper Monkeys, what should you do? This is a very interesting question as the only thing known to stop Killer Helper Monkeys is the Kookiebird however you could just try running from it?

Just standing there and letting it kill you really isn't the smartest thing you could do.


Also See: