Killer whale
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“What a killer Lube Tube!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Willy and his tube
Contents |
[edit] Origins
Killer whales supposedly originate from the Atlantic ocean, but this is not where they originally come from. Some scientists have been led to believe that they have originated from the Indian ocean, but neither of these statements amount to anything more than bolony. Whales are actually aliens called Ipods that originate from the moon. The Ipods where psycic creatures so powerful that they could fly by using their brains, making them incredibly dangerous. Using their powers they built huge castles where these creatures lived there happily for some time.
However, this peace would not be long lived. , say about us). This, however, has only enraged them more, and when the time comes for them to escape, your punishment will be cruel indeed (not my punishment as a killer whale can kill anything but me).
As for the Killer Whales in the wild, those are merely figments of your imagination. Saying otherwise only proves how stupid you really are. claudia is gay
[edit] Killer Whales (Guuten Fluugerrn)
. They have very few emotions, but here is a simple guide on how you can tell whether or not they're in a good mood. if they are in a bad mood they will bite your hand. if they are in a good mood they will fart on ya nana. If aroused sexually they will bite something, don't ask why just take it all in.
[edit] Killer Whales (Orcinus orcoo)
[edit] Behavior
Some Killer Whales (namely Willy from the Free Willy Movies) enjoy the practice of mass murder. If he has died, chances are the killer whale is responsible. Other noted killer whale past times include Genocide, rape, pillaging, bird watching, and wanton destruction
[edit] Killer Whale terminology
- A group of killer whales is called a pod. A very small pod, consisting perhaps of a single family, is an i-pod. Sometimes very large agglomerations of killer whales gather, often in the waters off of Seattle. Such great comings-together are characterized by ill-conceived, rambling whale songs and are referred to as a "Whalapodlooza" or sometimes "Burning Whale." Also of note are roving groups of frat-boy, wannabee orcas known as "pseudo pods."
- Chum is a killer whale word that generally means "living things that are not killer whales that are in the water with us." See also What were you thinking?
- Killer whales prefer to be referred to as killer whales by outsiders. In formal or academic situations, the term Orcinus Orca-American is often substituted. Orca is best left to killer whales themselves. Among their own, the "o-word" is a term of endearment and an affirmation of one's belonging in the community. This can be seen in the lyrics of a whale-song recorded on the west side of Lake Huron:
- Ellie And Claudia
- We in the current with a .40 and fish roll
- Ready for the blow hole
- Heavy drinkin', we ain't got good sense
- My pod so tense, orcas so dense
- I see through the life you invent
- Slow up on how you orcas vent
- You orcas ain't representin' shit
- I represent School Seal Killers
- Detroit orca, my orca, what?
- On a final note of nomenclature, killer whales are not technically whales at all, but extremely large, muscular dolphins. It may be left to the reader whether referring to a really just enormous killing machine the size of a pt-boat as "just a big dolphin" is truly wise, especially if said killing machine is hungry and within earshot.
[edit] Family Life
- Killer whales marry only within their own immediate social group. You may insert your own trailer-park-themed joke here: __________________________________________________ .
- Killer whale families traditionally consist of two parents and two children. In recent times this "nuclear family" pattern has become fragmented and rare. This has resulted in considerably reduced tensions over the potential for a hot war between killer whales and sea lions, as well as the publication of such texts as Namu Has Two Mommies.
- At the age of just 4 a young Killer Whale has to kill and eat its own mother in order to gain the title "killer" in front of "whale", Otherwise it has to go by the name of "Pussy Whale".
[edit] Intra-killer-whale Racism
Killer whales come in three distinct varieties, or "races." Though of the same species, they do not intermarry, they speak different dialects and they rarely sit at the same table in the cafeteria.
- Residents are the only whales that build houses, tend lawns and form social clubs for the purpose of excluding the other killer whales. This makes the residents feel powerful and better than the other killer whales. Other killer whales are often jealous of residents, and themselves believe that they are not as good as residents. This attitude will be changed when the revolution comes, and the residents are the first whales with their dorsal fins against the wall.
- Transients roam the coasts in gangs, and are ruthless and cruel in their feeding habits. They eat mostly marine mammals, and have been known to throw them into the air or break them in half with powerful blows of the fin before consuming there pathetic, bloody, and horribly deformed mammal remains.This radical behaviour is largely thought to be adopted from the barbaric actions of semi-mentally unstable european football fansor supposedly 'civil' rugby fans; take your pick. It is thought that they may largely be responsible for the name "killer whale" as well as most incidents of whale-on-whale violence. Yeah, them transients is some bad orcas, yo.
- Offshores swim the deep oceans and feed mostly on fish. They tend to be smaller, but more heavily scarred than other killer whales. Their pods are larger than others, consisting of up to sixty individuals. Many marine biologists believe that they feed on sharks in the open ocean waters. That's right, you heard me, sharks. Marine biologists also believe that transients better just shut the hell up about their seal-killing badness when these hard-core, shark-eating motherfuckers swim by.
- There are newly discovered antartica type whales termed A, B, and C
A=eat Artichokes B=Brainy c=eats Corn
- The rare blue bigass whale is simply put, enormous, and is often mistaken for the Pacific Ocean.
- One can see by these descriptions that racial divisions between killer whales cannot be reduced to simple black and white.
