Kim Deal

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Kim.jpg
Kim Deal
Biographical information
Homeworld

Ohio

Physical description
Species

Bassist, Guitarist.

Gender

Female

Hair color

Black

Eye color

Two pools of loveliness.

Chronological and political information
Era(s)

1980s, 1990s, 2000s

Affiliation

Pixies

  [Source]

Kim Deal (June 10, 1961 - April 9, 2003) was an American cafe owner, who turned sex god pixie femme fatale in 2 days.

Early life[edit]

Born to a chipmunk and Marilyn Monroe, Deal's childhood was marred by the fact she had an identical twin sister, who Deal still believes is an alien. Deal flunked out of clown college at 19 and took up working in her parents cafe. She became such a hit with truck drivers that the cafe offered "Kim's Deal" on Wednesdays which involved a burger, a soft drink, and an enema, personally administered by Deal herself. There was no vegetarian alternative, due the facts that nobody cares about vegetarians, because they are stupid. "You don't win friends with salad" She remarked.

It is not precisely known when Deal started playing music, but it believed that it was yesterday, or maybe the day before at most. But about half an hour later, she was so proficent at guitar that she turned to bass to combat the boredom.


Pixies[edit]

Kim Deal on the cafe promotion poster.

Deal joined the Pixies on her 9th birthday, with other members Frank Black, David Lovering, and Joey Santiago. Deal was the bass guitarist, because she didn't want to outshine the other less talented members because she could simply play it all. She wrote two songs while in the Pixies, named "Gigantic" and "Absolutely Fucking Massive".

With the Pixies success, Deal became a professional poker player, and won $100,000 at every sitting. She also had many boyfriends including Homer Simpson, Joseph Stalin and Oliver Cromwell. With the Internet revolution, she had her own website, www.paulmccartney.com, that was regularly updated with the whereabouts of John Lennon.


Post Pixies[edit]

She left the Pixies to become a stand up comedian and bounty hunter in 1993. Pixies lead singer Frank Black was so self assured about Deal's eventual return to the band he erased her number from his phone. It was a costly mistake for the band and Frank Black, who faded into oblivion while Deal became world famous in "Kim Deal and her Magnificent Technocolor Dream Boat" which was a TV dating show set on a cruise ship.

Death[edit]

the only known picture of Deal's killer.

Deal died from a professional hit. The killer was never caught and only one picture was ever captured. The killer is believed to be in Virginia.

Tributes to Deal came in the day she died, from Sonic Youth, Kurt Cobain, Kim Jong Il and Tom Hanks.

Kim Jong Il, the North Korean leader remarked "She was fantastic. Her songs were amazing. The way she went down on me was incredible. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a South Korea to invade".

See also[edit]