“Dad? We are the good guys, right?”
Kim Jong-un, also referred to as "Kim Jong Number-Un", "Launcher Of Failed Missiles" is the son of the worlds greatest dictator of all time without an mustache, Kim Jong-il. He is the grandson of Kim Il-sung, the ever shining sun and zombie-president of North Korea and now,a future glorious dictator of the North-Korean Empire. He was born, somewhere someday, although the capitalist nations avoid imagining Kim Jong-il during coitus. It is assumed that Kim Jong-ils semen left his penis between 1982 - 1984. Possible songs played during the sex are Big in Japan, One night in Bangkok or (I just) died in your arms tonight.
Not much known about the life of Kim Jong-un. He was hidden by his father in Switzerland where he was forced to learn English, German and a weird French accent. At the age of 14, he became sexually active. He likes romantic nights by candles,walks upon sandy shores and mass executions. Rumors also surfaced that Kim Jong-un holds the Guinness World Record for "Fastest Poo Trajectory Speed" at Mach 2.
“The world's most dangerous projectile, is not a bullet or an arrow but Kim Jong-un's poo.”
His father slowly began melting in the sun, so he decided it was time to present his son to the curious people all over the world. North Korea experts expected Ils first sun, Kim Jong-nomnomnom. But he made him self unpopular while visiting Disney Land in Tokyo and puking all over Space Mountain. Kim Jong-girl, the second son of Il, is also not good enough for a political career in the glory country of North Korea. Instead of him, Il appointed his more masculine sister to the political comitee. Nevertheless, the leader of North Korea needs a penis, even if its a short one! So Kim Jong-un is the only guy whos left to take the lead after his father will be gone.
As long Il is still alive, Un will get control over the army and learn how to domineer people that are less powerful then himself. After everybody in his country is afraid of him, he will take charge of the korean nucular program. He will bother the southern neighbour with subterranean atomic bombs just to shake the country and ruin there dishes in the cupboards.
After his dad will be dead, he will appoint the army to Jean-Claude Van Damme, who will be renamed to Kim Jong-Claude. The main function of Un will then be organizing oversized military parades where the most beautiful potraits of him an his ancestors are shown. The painter of the best portrait is allowed to look ten minutes over the south korean border.
At February 2010, a 5000 year old song was found in an old cellar in Pjöngjang which is definitively glorifies the birth and leadership of Kim Jong-un. All children learned this song - spontaneously and without being forced in any way! The song says, that Un will reunite Korea as a communistic paradise for every human, except Americans. The USA will be banned from the Earth and sent to space just by his will!
How he came to power
His father,glorious emperor Kim Jong-Il,died from a terrible heart attack.He publicly announced that all people in country need to show up on main square and divide themselves in groups of 10.They will be given 10 straws,but one is shorter than others.It is a sad day for a person who takes out shortest straw,because he will live,and the other ones will be sacraficed in glory of their great emperor. He also promised a new - clear future for North Korea.
A New Hope
It seems that we have lost. North Korea will crush us all and we'll live in suffer and pain. But there is hope! According to a boy in Switzerland who was visiting the same class, Un likes Basketball and Michael Jordan. SO maybe he can be tempered down with a special edition of Space Jam on DVD.
Relationship with Uncyclopedia
According to the political bureau of Uncyclopedia, Kim Jong-un has nothing to do with them. All similarities with the name and the bad sense of humor are accidentally.