Konami Hideato

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Discovery of Snake in 1869. While working late one night in her garden, Ms Hideato found a sample of Snake. At first she thought she had struck Gold but later analysis proved this not to be the case, it was just an ordinary platinum.

According to reliable legends, Hideato went on to develop a sense of humor, and wrote books on topiary and became an part-time Administrator for Uncyclopedia.

The Early Years[edit]

She was born in 1848 in Kāneʻohe (Hawaii) to a large family. Her mother enjoyed repairing fishing nets and dancing with the frequent sailors who came visiting the islands. Her father is not known. When only 10 years old, Konami showed a huge talent for gardening, having planted 2.5 acres of beets in less than a day. As she grew older, farmers from all around the district would come to her for 'advice', earning her a nice little income.

The Discovery[edit]

On August 17th, 1869, it was a hot and stormy night, and the daily beet pick had not been completed. So Konami, ignoring warnings about lightening strikes, headed back out to the garden to get those last few beets. During one violent bout of thunder and lightening, she found the first of many Snake amongst the beet bushes. This changed her life completely.

Within two short years of the initial discovery, she was penniless. All her family had left home, including her mother and 'uncle' Joe. The bank was pressing to take the farm away too. It turned out that her legal advisors, who helped with the Snake claim, formed a company called "Snake Oil Inc" to provide tax benefits for Konami. Instead they had slowly embezzled her through the company books and eventually disappeared.

The Later Years[edit]

Instead of this crushing Ms Hideato, it brought out her inner strength and she managed to see the funny side of things. This also triggered her life-long facination with hedge sculptures. In 1898, see was introduced to Uncyclopedia by her life-partner, and soon after was elected as one of its administrators. She died in 1938, unmarried and without heirs.

Epilogue[edit]

Ironically, she never travelled further than 5 miles from the family farm, but her topiary books are known and loved the world over.

Y'know what's kind of freaky?[edit]

Hideo makes Metal Gear games where you have to spend a lot of time hiding, and the last name Hideo has the word HIDE in it. HIDE. Cause that's what Snake does. Hide!

We're through the looking glass here, people...

Bibliography[edit]

  • Raising Canes (1881), Mills & Boon ISNB:0002-99362-01-3D
  • Topiary for Fun and Profit (1882), Jamesion & co ISNB:4778288876561775577-1
  • Shape and Form - The French Box Hedge (1884), Jamesion & co ISNB:4888-765-6-1775/577
  • Bushes: A trimming manual (1888), Jamesion ISNB:23.5
  • The History of Holly - Part One (1890), Virago ISNB:98838-930038-8323-2
  • The History of Holly - Part Two (1891), Virago ISNB:98838-930038-8344-0
  • The History of Holly - Part Three (1892), Virago ISNB:98838-930038-8409-1
  • Radical Topiary (1898), Smith & Wesson ISNB:7783/88832-ag[i]
  • The History of Holly - A Retrospective (1899), Virago ISNB:98838-930038-9769-8