Krismas

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God bless.

Krismas(a holiday created by Kris Gonzales, a junior at Coronado High School) (commonly misspelled as Christmas) is an American holiday celebrated in the wintertime, usually on either the 24th or 25th of December. It is a time for families to gather, gorge themselves, scoff at religious fundamentalists who insist on hijacking the holiday in an attempt to annoy everyone even more than they do during the rest of the year, and most importantly, to trade presents.

Krismas celebrators are friendly people, who do not like to leave anyone out of the fun. This can make the time leading up to the well-intentioned holiday depressing for some, who realize that they are now not only broke from holiday shopping, but have also earned an atrocious return on their investments, by trading thoughtful, expensive, and personalized gifts for crap nobody wants, including ill-fitting clothing, things people obviously bought to fuel their own hobbies (hoping you will either share their interest or return the gift to them), and regifts. In extremely depressing circumstances, participants 'trade' their thoughtfully-chosen gifts for nothing at all.


Such circumstances have led to games which minimize the holiday's impact:

  • One such game involves everyone bringing crap nobody wants within a certain dollar value to randomly exchange with one another.
  • Another such game is similar to traditional Krismas except participants draw names. So instead of spending your savings on a holiday which yields only tales of slight drunken debauchery and an excess of crap nobody wants, you exchange a gift with only one other person at the party.


Santa and You[edit]

The name Krismas is an amalgamation of the name Kris Kringle and the Spanish word 'mas,' meaning 'more crap.' Kris "Santa Claus" Kringle is the poster boy for the holiday bearing his moniker. He engages in civil liberties-impeding reconnaissance on the world's children, and is frequently found in collusion with their parents. Although such activity was technically illegal until the passing of the PATRIOT Act, the resulting information could be used to best determine what a child really wants for Krismas, and for many saved the holiday from being a complete letdown. For this reason, his North Pole abode has gone largely ignored by law enforcement personnel, in spite of allegations of sweatshop-like conditions under which Santa's elves work, and accusations that the elves may in fact be victims of pedophilia.


You have been warned. US flag swastika.png

For more information, see the article on Kris Kringle or the "Official" Krismas Homepage .