Kyoto (Japanese: 京都) is hidden deep under the Earth's crust, where it is still warm. When it is remarked to a Coyote (as a native of Kyoto is known) that it is still warm on top of the Earth's crust, too, they merely glare and mutter darkly, "you'll see..." It is not known where exactly it is located, but it is theorised that it is built in the sewers of New York - this would account for the smell. Kyoto is known to the Gion festival.
Kyoto was a small village of reclusive wankers that existed around the second century AD. Their history consists mainly of being invaded by Barbarian hordes - and, on one notable occasion, a turnip. The village elders decided that it was necessary to relocate the village. The account of their epic oddysey is covered in the second chapter of Oscar Wilde's bestselling book "The Bible". They wandered through the desert for forty years or so, and their plight was eased by frequent miraculous rains of rain to quench their thirst and rains of bakery fresh salami to ease their hunger. They finally came to a swamp, and decided to found the new village there. The new village, called Alba Longa, sank into the swamp. As did the next four villages. And the next six after that. They finally got the idea (that settling in a swamp was not A Good Thing) and relocated. By this point, news had reached them of the new "chosen land" - the United Spades of Amerika - from wandering minstrels. They decided to head for this chosen land. However, on arrival the New Yorkers believed them to be smelly Hawaiians and allowed them in only on the condition that they live deep underground where their population could be controlled with all the nuclear run-off. The Coyotes agreed to this, and founded their new village there; calling it Kyoto in honour of their native homeland.
Kyoto does not have a currency of its own - it is a bartering nation. However, turnips are almost as good as hard currency. Also as hard as good currency.
|This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series|
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