|Warning: This article contains many bohemisms and germanisms,
|District:||Ústí nad Orlicí|
|Historical land:||Bohemia, Sudetenland|
|Cadastre area:||twenty point sixty-four kilometres square|
|Population:||very little, around 9911, altough people from Lanškroun say there lives 10 thousand people in LA (2006)|
|GPS coordinate||forty-nine degrees fifty-four minutes forty-seven seconds northen latitude, sixteen degrees thirty-six minutes thirty-six seconds eastern longtitude|
|Altitude:||three hundered seventy-three metres above the sea|
|PSČ:||five six three zero one|
The city Lanškroun (read: Lanškroun) lies in the north of Sahara and in the west of Ural in the East of Bohemia near borders with Moravia and Silesia in Sudetenland in Czech Republic. There is several factories in Lanškroun, for example Schott, AVX (there work many people, but few people know what they made and what letters AVX stands for), ORPA, Tesla Lanškroun etc., several shops, pubs, churches (the building church), churches (churches like Roman Catholic or Greek Catholic) (in total 4 pcs), schools, nursery schools, but there is only one cemetery in Lanškroun. Lanškroun is very modern city, there are: canalization, water pipeline, gas (in better quarters), electricity, telephone, street illumination and the Internet, but there is any QA system People from Lanškroun always say there lives 10 thousand people in Lanškroun, but that is not truth. All amplify.
Lanškroun has not ever glorious history. Lanškroun was founded to 13th century (take note it is a prime number). Lanškroun very envies it to London, Athens, Rome, Köln am Rhein, Jerusalem, Thessaloniki, Mayence, Strasbourg, Istanbul, Filipy, Milan and the like. It was founded by Germen, but nobody knows about that, becouse the Lanškroun-city-museum captured all of documents about that, only a few legends prepared (see lower The legends about Lanškroun). Peter Wurst (Sausage), native from one
(schon) (now) quater of Lanškroun, built there a monastery, what was after rebuilt to one pseudo-castle. After the Bitva na Bílé hoře the city and neighbourhood fell to Liechtensteins; who would like own a city and neighbourhood by now, but they can't, so they don't like Czech Republic. They plan secretly anschluss annexation to Liechtenstein. During the Thirty Years' War (1618 - 1648) was the city very plundered and German colonists came there and the city started to be German and stayed tak until then Germen resettlemented themself (1945). Becouse the city is in Sudetenland, the country in Czechoslovakia, where lived Germen until year 1945, the German citizen didn't want to be in Czechoslovakia in year 1918, when Czechoslovakia originated, so in year 1938 there was a local elections, if citizen want or dont't want to be a part of the Third Reich, the Nazi Germany, 4 people wrote NEIN, but 5422 wrote JA, so the Lanškroun was a part of the Third Reich in years 1938 - 1945. Until the year 1960 Lanškroun was a district city, but they didn't want build there a railway, so the current district city is Ústí nad Orlicí, although there live more poeple in Česká Třebová and Česká Třebová is very very important crossing station in Czech Republic, you can go to Russia, Germany, Vienna, Slovakia, Krakow, Prague or Brno from Česká Třebová.
The legends about Lanškroun
- When Swedes want to burn down also Lanškroun during the Thirty Years' War, they met a grannie and she told them they could not go to the city, becouse there is Black Death; so the Swedes didn't go to Lanškroun and it was saved. (they say)
- There is a underground passage from Lanškroun to
SchlossbergCastle near Rudoltice (see lower), you can run-out through this passage and ice was carried from the castle-basement to brew-house; but this is of course bosh.
- There goes flamy headless rider around the zámeček (see lower, what is zámeček) at nights; but I never saw him, although once I slept there.
- There is much legends, what can be about every city or village, and that legends are also about Lanškroun.
The origine of the name of the city
The name of the city is Lanškroun, becouse Lanškroun lies near borders with Moravia and Silesia and Bohemia, so it lies in the crown of the land - land's crown, German Krone des Landes - Kronland - Landeskrone - - Czech Lanškroun.
- The most significant historical sight in Lanškroun is so-called zámeček (Lanškroun-English The New Castle near Lanškroun, Rudoltice-English and well in English The New Castle near Rudoltice, Czech Nový zámek u Rudoltic), although it isn't in Lanškroun, it is in Rudoltice. Lord Liechtenstein wanted to build there a castle, what will be analogous like Lednice Castle, what built and owned his poorer relatives. He built it in Rudoltice, becouse he lived by this time in Lanškroun pseudo-castle, but he didn't like it, becouse it was too small for him. Unfortunatelly, the zámeček burned down soon after finish. Anybody knows why. Here are a few theories, why it burned down. 1) flash, 2) cigarette-end, 3) mainly somebody ordered that, 4) Liechtenstein's children played at Mistr Jan Hus burn on the roof, 5) flamy headless rider, 6) a fooly man from Lanškroun, who didn't like the lord is moving out of LA (acronym of Lanškroun), 7) firer. Then was castle teared down, but one small tower left, Rudoltice church was build from the stone of that. The small tower is now repaired, there is something (See to the article Rudoltice - there is it written.).
- Renaissance town-hall - there resides town-office, there are turrect clock, what chimes only all hours and one sun watchs. The town-hall stands in the middle of erstwhile Red Army Square (Adolf-Hitler-Platz before).
- Gymnasium - élit institute, it was one and only one middle school in Lanškroun district. Five wooden buildings was demolished before the gymnasium was built. It is originaly new-renaissance building. There passed Old Walker mainly for two nights at, when maneuvers was near Prussian borders. It is in the same square like town-hall.
- Castle - Lanškroun pseudocastle originated after the Augustinian's monastery reconstruction. There is a ceremonial hall, town-museum, exhibition hall and mainly someting else - together it is nothing. It stands on the Alois Jirásek Square (the square doesn't call School Square, although there are three schools - a basic school, a special school
callednicknamed Harvard and basic-art-school called ZUŠ, but Alois Jirásek Square, becouse there passed the night at some Alois Jirásek Regiment. A writer Jirásek comes to Lanškroun like the Pilate to credo.)
- Churchs - there are three churchs in LA.
- Saint Wenceslas Church was originally one part of the monastery, what Hussites burned down, there was a churchyard around that. There are some concerts, but by the way it operates also like decanal church. It stands near pseudo-castle and Harvard.
- Saint Mary Magdalene Church stands around exchurchyard. It is built in empire style. It is a rarity, becouse churches wasn't built in empire, so they wanted close down the church and built there a librery and mayor - Protestant - for a wonder liked that.
- Saint Anne Church stands near around exchurchyard. It was built for Czech minority from Dolní Třešňovec. It is the smallest one.
- There is also wrecked Saint Francis Xavier Chapel in Vančura Street. Few people know about that.
- Orthodoxs and Protestants and Hussites have also some oratory in Lanškroun.
- There isn't thank God any synagogue or mosque in Lanškroun.
- Krčma is very old wooden pub. It still stands and you can still drink there.
- There aren't more (or much? I'm not sure.) historical sights in LA.
- There are also some wrecked historical sights. Erxleben's chemistry for example. It was old ruined house behind the gymnasium, and some businessman came to town office and bought the house. He told to them he will to tear down the house and he will to build the same house again; so he teared down the house, but he built there an other ugly house with grass on the roof called SPEKTRUM.
There is one cultur house in LA. Mainly sometings sometimes happens there, but I'm not thank God from LA and I don't know about that. Several theater clubs are in LA. That are several actors, who train some theater play along and then they play that for people. They're called for example Shell (it's first one) and Mussel (second one), Czech Škeble and Mušle. I hope you know, what is a difference from between. If no, you have a problem. Big problem. The word Mušle means in Czech a mussel, the animal, what lives in the sea, one kind sometimes makes pearls, but this is also one kind of pissoir, so Mušle is more (or much?) mischief-making, they play Jára Cimrman's plays. Škeble - shell is the animal, who looked like mussels what lives in sea and makes pearls, but škeble - shell lives in ponds in freshwater and they lives also in Czech Republic and mainly also in ponds in Rudoltice and in Lanškroun. They're a school succesfull theatre club from gymnasium LA and they lately play plays, what wrote their director, Czech and English teacher from gymnasium nicknamed... But this all are unimportant facts, you will need them only when you will live in Lanškroun.
Sometimes any theatrical performance is there, or some concert or exhibition. Theater, the house, where are only theatrical performance, is missing in LA. The theatre clubs play their plays in the pseudocastle. Lanškroun custom and tradition is for example Lanškrounská kopa, listening to siren every first Wednesdays in the Month on the square near town-hall and Čermenské slavnosti - Čermná Ceremony (Note: Dolní Čermná is the village near Lanškroun, it is a catholic village contrary of the Horní Čermná. Čermná splited around 80 years ago and originated Upper/Horní Čermná - protestant and Lower/Dolní Čermná - bigger and better and catholic.) Mainly people in Lanškroun celebrate also any feasts. Jo, and a kino is also in LA, and sometimes somebody gone there and they projected due to them a movie. Now (last around two years more accurately) new benchs are there. You can't let there any
Clubs, associations etc.
There is veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery much clubs in LA. From time to time somebody fall out with somebody and found a new club. A new scout centre originated by this way years ago. Within sport clubs and theater clubs there and one scout centre (and the four churches) in LA is nothing.
There are the unnumberedly of the sport clubs in LA. Nobody is sure, what is a sport and what in not a sport and what is a club and what is not a club and also nobody knows if is in Lanškroun any unnamed club. Lanškroun national sport is so-called kašnobal, it is playd in LA, but there does not exist any kašnobal club or league. But one fußball club playing Wildwood League is exists, also several hockey teams (There is a local hockey amateur league; the team SOMA - one Lanškroun factory - allways win that, becouse they lease and pay full-time sportsmen.), volleyball clubs, floorball, badminton, cycling team, chess club (chess is the most dangerous game, you can sleep, while your opponent is thinking for a long time, and you can run a pown into your eye), karate, table tennis club and the like. Any of them is not professional.
The most widespread method of trasport in LA are human legs. Some of them are booted. This method of transport came to Lanškroun together with its first occupiers. Except several nurse-children and invalids everybody use this method of transport. Also bikes, cars, busses and trains are gone in Lanškroun. There is one bus station and one 4 km long unelectrified one-rail railway from Lanškroun to Rudoltice too. Either there is a road leading to Polland. The city trasport is't in LA. Metro too.
- Central city
- (Nieder/Lower/Dolní Johnsdorf/Třešňovec/John's Village or Cherry Village) - was annexed by LA in 20th century. There live one Lanškroun patriot's clan, what owns prospering companies in LA and they don't matter Dolní Třešňovec is not single village and they do nothing against that. They all are sacristian's children and grandchildren with their famillies.
- alias Ostrov suburban district
- alias Žichlínek suburban district. Žichlínek is a village near Lanškroun just near Moravia borders, there is world-famous kafilérie  and a bay without water .
- Rudoltice suburban district is not in LA, altough Rudoltice is more important then Lanškroun. See on the symbol of Lanškroun  and on the symbol of Rudoltice 
People from Lanškroun say all villages near Lanškroun except Rudoltice will be a part of Lanškroun, becouse Lanškroun wants have 10 thousand citizens, becouse it would obtain
more much money from state (or from EU? I don't know.) Lanškroun's annex with Rudoltice is waited for, but nobody knows that. The symbol of Lanškroun after annex is known schon now .
Famous natives of Lanškroun
- MgA. Přemysl Kokeš - Lanškroun-city-architect
- Roman Šebrle
- Jan Marek Marků z Kronlandu - doctor, aristocrat, he is so famous so a pock on Moon is called like him
- Friedrich Gustav Piffl - Vienna archbishop
- Peter Wurst (Sausage) - native of Dolní Třešňovec, Litomyšl bishop, he built a monastery in LA (Hussits burned it down, so they rather have any church in LA, becouse they would burned it down.).
- Jarda Hrdina
- Bóža Modrý
- Iosif Vissarionovich Stalin and Adolf Hitler - they're not native of LA, but they're still honorary freemen
- Poštovní směrovací číslo is a number what you need to send a letter to every village in CZ
- I'm not sure, when you know, what is it mean, it means místní rozhlas in Czech. There are loud-speakers on the lamp pole or electric pole and local authority sometimes began to spoke to citizen. Usually you don't understand them, becouse there is too big echo.
- The Bílá hora (White Mountain) Battle was one battle on the 8 November 1620 in Prague, there fighted mercenaries of Czech Masters - Protestants contra the soldiers of Austria Imperator and Czech King - Catholic. King won in two hours and Czech Masters was executed and overland aristocracy came to Czech Kingdom and also to Lanškroun.
- the aristocracy familly, who governs now in Liechtenstein
- I'm not sure, if you understand; město začalo být německé - it is in Czech
- The Czech diminutive of the word zámek - castle
- a little important chapter in Czech History
- Starej Procházka - the Czech nickname of last but one Austria-Hungary Emperor
- Several Lanškroun Jew's famillies went off Lanškroun before Wehrmacht arrived to Lanškroun. They - ?around 7 famillies, 40 persons? - went to backland of Czecho-Slovakia after Munich Agreement (nicknamed about us without us), but Nazis cought them and they got them to concentration camp, where they all died.
- German Nazi Army
- If yout don't know, what is a cultur house, it is your own stupidity.
- It is kulturák in Czech, I'm not sure with the translation. It's not your mistake. Mainly.
- Hey, nobody writes an article about Jára Cimrman to Uncyclopedia by now, it's a big mistake. Read
aspoňat least wikipedia article, but you can't believe them, that's not written (or writenn?) by the truth.
- read: Yo, it is Czech interjection in this event, on another time it is a particle and it means YEAH
- German word
- English traslation
- Czech equivalent
- English translation from German
- English translation from Czech
- Sorry, I don't know an English equivalent