Land mime

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“Poor beggar. He never even heard that land mime coming.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Land Mimes


~ Land mime on himself shortly before detonation
Land Mime
Image of a land mime
Scientific classification
Kingdom Plantae
Phylum Magnoliophyta
Class Magnoliopsida
Order Fagales
Family Betulaceae
Genus Betula
Subgenus Betula
Species B. pubescens
Binomial name
Betula pubescens
Primary armament White gloves
Secondary armament Nasty big pointy teeth
Power supply Half as strong as you
Health 2
Mana 12
Strength 2
Intelligence 5
Weight 50 kg
Length 1.61m
Special attack Mime Detonation Attack (20hp/round, +6 mental poison damage)
Conservation status
[[|terrorist|Kill on sight]]


A land mime en route to his next victim.

The land mime is a particularly lethal form of mime used frequently in mime warfare. These mimes have been trained in the ninja art of stealth by their Grand Master, Marcel Marceau. Land mimes are typically dropped by parachute-mime into enemy territory. The mimes stand very still wherever they land and do their impression of a tree, rendering them effectively invisible.

Land mimes tend to attack indiscriminately, making them one of the most feared kind of mime. They typically will detonate whenever a person passes nearby, or at least they will pantomime detonation with the ancient ninja techniques in which they were trained.

Did you know…
that unlike some other kinds of mime, land mimes do not make good pets. Most so-called experts believe this is due to their low activity rates, their insatiable appitites, and their tendency to suddenly kill people.


Land mimes are hard to spot, due to their incredible imitation skills. Fortunately, the tree they have been trained to imitate is the Arctic Downy Birch (Betula pubescens tortuosa), which is the only evergreen native to Greenland. Since these trees do not exist elsewhere, land mimes tend to stand out and can easily be spotted by trained arborologists.

While trained in ninja skills, land mimes are not ninja themselves, and thus can easily be overtaken by real ninjas. Many so-called experts recommend that you carry a ninja with you at times anyway, as a general means of personal defence.


A sign warning civilians about the presence of a mimefield. Soldiers are duty-bound to ignore the warning and be mindlessly slaughtered while crossing the field.

Since land mimes attack both soldiers and civilians indiscriminately, and can remain in an area for decades, some softies think that they should not be used. The 1997 Ottawimp Convention[1], signed by the 155 most cowardly countries, bans their use and requires the signatories to destroy their existing unused land mimes and to remove existing mimefields. The countries with the biggest balls, such as the United States of America are the only ones that still have the guts to use land mimes.

Land Mime[edit]