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Langoliers are basically the late stage of a lychee. They were first discovered by Stephen King. Craig Toomey (1920-1995) was the very first human being a Langolier ate. They also ate a dead human named Don Gaffney (who was killed by Toomey). Former Vice President Caroline Reynolds also was one of the first people to witness the Langoliers in action.

The Langolier is about four feet tall, has automatic grinding teeth and are coloured either of black or tomato red. Langoliers can eat anything. ANYTHING. Trees, wood, metal, steel, your mom, McDonalds, Dick Cheney, etc, etc. Unlike humans, they can eat things without getting fat or morbidly obese. They are from Earth, but are rare on that planet. They live through a "time warp" that is above Los Angeles. Langoliers typically eat a lot more when they are under the influence of drugs.

The Discovery[edit]

A Langolier, frighting, eh?

The Langoliers are basically the last stage of a lychee. They were first spotted by Stephen King, in Derry, Maine. King, however, was able to make these violent things stay in control and emplyed them to house-sit for him when he went on a vacation. After King's vacation and his 23rd retirement, he was angry about the flight back home - his outbursts at check-in led to him being profiled as a terrorist. After he'd had a mumbassitor showed up his ass by a morbidly obese airport security guard, he recounted the woes to the Langoliers who were house sitting. King later asked the king Langolier Dinah Bellham to do something about this.

Langoliers first attempt to reside on Earth[edit]

The Langoliers had, at first, tried to leave Derry, Maine to live somewhere else. They first attempted to live in Boston, then in Detroit. This later caused a gang war between Arabs and Langoliers. They had to settle with that 'time warp' just above Los Angeles created by Anonymous. Since not many people live in that time warp, most people enter it by mistake, the Langoliers basically could call it, its own. This made Anonymous angry about this, for this whole world he invented were now being ravaged by these monsters.

Anonymous went to visit King in Derry to tell the Langoliers to stop the bullshit. After there discussion, Anonymous did, however had explained to King that he had been fed-up with planes flying into his 'time warp' (really, it's just another mirror of Earth without a name). Since Anonymous made this world for himself, his family and other icons and people who like to vacation or retire there, including King himself. Anonymous would later make a treaty in his world, the 'Langoiler Treaty.'

American Pride Flight 29[edit]

Anonymous's personal world had a perminant population of 23, any other people entering without permission (if found) would be eaten by the Langoilers. King Langoiler (looks human, though) Dinah Bellham, with nine other people accidently entered the world by plane, it was spotted by the Griswold family who was on vacation, Clark Griswold then alerted Anonymous. At the time, The Langoliers were at Las Langoliero, (were Las Vegas would be in this mirror world), the Langoliers had to stop what they were doing and flew quickly to follow the plane.

The flight had stopped at the mirror verison of Bangor. The ten passangers had went into an abonded building to smoke crack, have a sex party, eat lobster (with no taste) and play twister, until they heard the sound of the Langolier's eating things. One of the passangers, Craig Toomey, (formerly Dick Cheney's left-hand man) began to freak out and then accused Dinah Bellham for bringing them there (he was actually right), Toomey went crazy afterwards, he stabbed Bellham, molested a male teenager who was part of the flight, killed another passanger (Don Gaffney, according to Anonymous), Kitty huffed, had sexual orgies thinking about his father, then he was beaten to a bloody pulp by another passenger (Nick Hopewell, a resident of the world).

While the Langoliers were apporaching, the drugged passengers rushed to the plane to eagerly refuel it, suprisingly, Anonymous left some of his Plane fuel at Bangor. As they were done, the Langoliers apporached. Toomey (who was assumed dead) under the influence of drugs, ran past the plane and began making love to the ground, before he could came, he saw two Langoliers eat the concrete ground, then a truck, then the went after him. Toomey tried to run away while other passengers were taking bets on if the Langoliers were to get Toomey. Then at-the-time private citizen and future Vice President Caroline Reynolds later said in a interview that she lost $2000 on the idea that the Langoilers were not going to get Mr. Toomey, she lost.

Meanwhile, the now eight passengers were able to escape the Langoliers. The langoliers retailiated by eating the building the passengers were in, which had drugs, a dead human and a female stoner forgot her acoustic guitar (singed by The Indigo Girls and Paula Cole) and not-to-mention her large crackrock in the building. The Langoilers then were totally fucked up, they then ate the whole mirror town of Bangor and the rest of the mirror of Maine, they went and had Boston for dinner. American Flight 29 did leave the world, without Nick Hopewell (owed $80,000 in gambling debt to an Italian mobster) and Dinah Bellham (who wanted to stay).

Langoliers and The Cocaine Times[edit]

Since the 'time warp' above LA is restricted to many and open to a few people, these people make a great investment by flying in, with bags of cocaine. The Langoilers would buy the Cocaine with stolen cash from stupid famous tourists. Afterwards, they would be sky high on Cociane, to the point that they would eat mirror cities. At the end, 95% of the mirrored version of the United States was all gone and it still is. (Los Angeles and Las Vegas still exist though).

Anonymous had then sold the world to Paris Hilton (person) for $1,000,000 and a 2 blowjobs. Paris Hitlon had put a name into the unnamed planet as Hilton Planet. She has yet to visit her new piece of land.

See Also[edit]