Languishing

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Languishing[edit]

Languishing was invented by sir Edmund Profillius IV in 1936 as a humane method of anaesthetising high fear dental patients. The Profillius method, or L-sedation, as it came it be called, involves several books on the subject of human misery, which are placed on a coffee table in front of a dental patient. The patient will inevitably start leafing through them, at which point a dentist, who was hiding UNDER the table, clobbers the patient over the head with a secret book. The then unconscious patient is given a thorough dental exam, billed, and placed on the curb. Another form involves using a penis as opposed to a secret book, but Sir Edmund Profillius did not possess a penis large to properly execute the technique.

Languishing is the national sport of Scotland.

Edmund Profillius accidentally languished himself to death along with 11 other recreational languishers in the Great Languishing Tragedy of 1953.

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