Lavos

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Picture taken by hospital staff 1 minute after Lavos was born. Cute little scamp, wasn't he?

BLEAAAAGHRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHUGHHHHHHHAAAAAEREAAAAAAAAAAU!!!

~ Lavos on Lavos

“Such a nice young...whatever he is.”

~ Grandma on Lavos

Lavos (Full Name: Lavos Big Ass Porcupine From Hell Thompson Smith) is most famously known for his role as the main villan in Chrono Trigger.

He was born to Mary Louise Smith and John Smith in Sydney in 1979. He was born premature, weighing only 1.8 terratons at birth. He had to be put on a feeding tube for 3 years. During this time his strength slowly recovered, and he was finally able to come home with his parents. There, he spent his childhood with his parents. Lavos shared his childhood in a recent interview. Actually, he didn't say anything. He just blew up Chicago by raining plasma down upon it, which, when roughly translated from his language, means:

“My dad would get home every night horny drunk, and put on the fur suit. Then he'd beat me with waffles. It wasn't fun.”

~ Lavos on his childhood

The day of Lavos[edit]

Lavos made his first apearence at 1:24 pm on Monday may 9th on an island nine miles southwest of south city. He then proceded to kill everything on the plannet, until he relized that he still needed living organisms to survive. He quickly made a portal change the past, which coincidently led to his death. What a dumbass.

Lavos's later life[edit]

One night, his father came home drunk, as usual. Lavos had had enough, and ordered him to get his furry ass away from him. His father responded by tying him down and flushing him down the toilet. Lavos woke up in the sewer system of Sydney, reeking of feces. Not knowing what do to, he crawled out of the stinking feces center and dropped into the ocean (The tsunami death count is still rising) and swam out of Sydney and into a new life.

One day, Lavos was stumbling through a street in downtown Tokyo in a drunken stupor (There were no survivors), when he came across a recruitment poster for giant behemoths in a new game that was being developed. Lavos saw another opportunity for a odd job, so he travled to Square HQ and demanded the job. The sheer intensity of his voice killed everyone within a square mile.

He got the job.

Mary Louise Smith, about 2 weeks before Lavos's birth.

Lavos on the set of Chrono Trigger[edit]

Lavos's cynical and genocidal nature was a novelty on the "no-nosense" set of Chrono Trigger. The cast of Chrono Trigger had a few kind words to say about him in a reunion:

“...”

~ Crono on Lavos

“This one time, Lavos and me, like, were walking down the street. He spotted a mother and child, and walked over to them, and stuffed the kid into the woman. Over her screaming, he yelled "ALWAYS LEAVE THINGS AS THEY ORIGINALLY WERE!". Yeah. Good times.”

~ Magus on Lavos

“Lavos had something he called the "Bitch-slap of Doom". Once, the director scolded him for messing up his lines, and Lavos slapped him so hard the guy became a porn director.”

~ Marle on Lavos

Frog also said that Lavos was a prick. He's dead now. Lavos killed him. But that's another article for another time.

Lavos today[edit]

Lavos currently resides in the Earth's core, 835 Maple Drive. He has stated he has retired, but claims he wants to do a live reenaction of his apocolyptic rise in Chrono Trigger. His details are hazy at best, but he did say that there will be penguins. Oh yes, there will be penguins.


See Also[edit]