Lawn

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
A typical lawn gnome ornament.

A lawn or front lawn[1] (also known as a "man garden") is the area surrounding a household's perimeter in the front (adjacent to the street), and opposite the backyard. It is not just any old patch of grass and crap[2], as any old patch of grass and crap is referred to as "any old patch of grass and crap". Lawns are in the front, backyards are in the back, and anything else is a "lot".[3]

A lawn happens to be a measurement of one's achievements and financial status in America. A lawn can suggest that one is either rich or poor, successful or a failure, insane or sane. For example, an upper-middle class person's lawn might have a small pond, freshly cut green grass, and a white picket fence. A poor person's lawn might have a small puddle of urine, dead grass or rocks, and an incomplete chain fence. Or on a larger scale, an extremely rich person might have the bones of Joseph Merrick in their lawn, like Michael Jackson (which would also suggest they were insane). A good lawn, like a sports car, is seen as an attempt by a male to compensate for his small penis. This is generally accepted as true, though no studies have been conducted.

The worst part of owning a lawn for most people is the maintenance involved in it's upkeep. Normally involving the lawn being cut. Scientists for many years have been trying to perfect the emo lawn, the lawn that cuts itself.

Historically, lawns have been around since social classes and the owning of property. Egyptian pharaohs, who were inherently entitled to the "sands of the land" attempted to outdo previous pharaohs by having slaves construct bigger and better pyramids. These pyramids are considered to be the first lawn ornaments. Modern lawns are smaller in scale, as in they are not usually the size of Egypt or contain as much sand.[4] Typical lawn ornaments include, but aren't limited to, cheesy lawn flamingos, lawn gnomes, and fountains.

Citations[edit]

  1. Though there is no such thing as a "back lawn".
  2. As suggested by Wikipedia.
  3. Just for clarity.
  4. Though they may have a sandbox.