Laws of Obviousity

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The Laws of Obviousity, created by legendary scientists Paul Maguire, Joe Theisman, and Mike Patrick, focus upon the physical world around us. These laws govern what we see and what is in front of us. Because what we see is often in front of us. Because you see with your eyes.

These laws come in most handy for color commentators. They are the guys who sit next to the announcer.

According to the First Law, this cup is red.

The First Law of Obviousity: State What You See[edit]

The first law is simple. State what you see. Furthermore, don't think about what you are saying. Just say it. Take this conversation for example, taking place between a color commentator and an announcer:

Patrick: "Whew! He really hit him hard! Anderson came out of nowhere and really laid it on Jackson!"
Theisman: "Yeah, he ran at him and hit him. Hard."

Notice how the Laws of Obviousity apply here. Immediately after the announcer makes a statement, the color commentator says exactly the same thing, just different word ordering. This applies to the Laws of Obviousity because not only does the color commentator just simply repeat what the announcer said, he also lacks any insightful commentary.

The Second Law of Obviousity: Argue With Yourself[edit]

Because often you may seem overly obvious, it is always good to argue with yourself every so often as not to be completely obvious. This also throws off the audience/intended listener, keeping them on their toes. Take this argument between Maguire and himself:

Maguire: "I tell you what, that is clearly an error. There is no way you can let that ball hit your glove and let the ball just simply bounce away like that! He should be ashamed of himself. Here, watch this replay...Did you see that? He made an extremely valiant effort to catch that ball and came up short. There is no way that is an error!"

The Third Law of Obviousity: When In Doubt, Make Stuff Up[edit]

This law deals with covering your back. Often when you state something due to the first law, you are wrong. One way of covering up is using the second law and arguing with youself, but another way is to make up stuff. Take this following account:

Theisman: "He most definitely stepped out of bounds on that play. They must mark him down."
Patrick: "Well, here's the replay...nope, he came really close."
Theisman: "Yep, it must be easier for the wide outs to play this year, you know, since they widened the field. Back in my day, we never got away with any of that."