Lazarus

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Feel free to practice making zombies: kill this article (Lazarus) and then revive Lazarus. It's fun!

Lazarus (born c. 20 B.C) was a famous zombie from ancient Judea. He is one of history's most famous, and most frequent, zombies.

Race: Human Class: varies; usually priest or ninja Alignment: chaotic neutral Level: 45 Hit Points: ~1800 when alive; 0 when dead Special attacks: ability to come back from the dead, usually once per battle. Special weaknesses: vulnerable to fire magic when alive; weak to healing magic when undead.

Earlier zombies[edit]

Lazarus was the first zombie successfully created by Jesus Christ in his short-lived plan to conquer Rome with an army of the undead. Most of Jesus's earlier attempts had been unsuccessful.

First he tried to revive the ancient Greek hero Odysseus (Ulysses). At this time no one was sure whether Odysseus was historical or mythical, but the only book about him, the Iliad, claimed that he had died at the end of the Trojan War. As it turned out, he was in fact fictional, so the only effect of Jesus's command "Odysseus, come forth" was that there was suddenly a widely available sequel to the Iliad in which Odysseus was still alive and had more adventures.

In his second attempt he tried to revive his mentor John the Baptist. But John had been decapitated, and had not been re-assembled. As a result, his body, lacking brain control, fell off a cliff to its (second) death. His head was unable to speak because it lacked lungs. It tried to communicate briefly using blinking, but quickly died of asphyxiation.

In zombie thoery this is technically known as the re-organization problem, as opposed to the re-animation problem. Zombie-ologists now regard this problem as insurmountable.

First resurrection[edit]

Lazarus was the third attempt. He was successfully zombified, since his body was almost entirely intact. However, being made of meat that had been sitting in the hot sun for three days, he was generally agreed to smell so terrible that a Rome conquered by zombies would not be worth keeping, and the plan was abandoned.

Lazarus became a priest and died of old age (again) some years later.

Second resurrection[edit]

In A.D. 1300 Bruce Campbell, star of the Evil Dead movies, arrived via time travel from the twentieth century. An evil wizard raised an army of skeleton warriors to fight him. One of these was the skeleton of Lazarus, its flesh long since lost. It was killed late in the film.

Third resurrection[edit]

I'm too tired to think of more right now.