LeBron James
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“What? That's like the tenth college to say no!”
~ Lebron James on why he REALLY declared
“Whose that nigga?”
~ Lebron James replies to a reporters question, "What do you think about Kobe Bryant?"
Lebron James is an African who plays professional basketball with a really bad nail biting problem. He was born in 1999 in the notorious city of Compton. As a 2 year old he was abducted by Hilary Clinton and made to work on one of her many sugar plantations. Clinton soon realized that Lebron was not only a force in the fields but also in bed. After their torrid love affair, Clinton released James into the wild and he became a beast. He lived freely for about a week until he stepped into a bear trap set by the National Basketabll Association (NBA). Today he is one of the top attractions for the NBA, roping in $56.7 million last year for the NBA. Lebron James, aka, King James has overcome many learning disorders. He was once thought to be a mute but one therapist claimed, "He's just not very smart."
Lebron James is one of the most intriguing human specimens on the planet. Doctors who were witnesses at birth say Lebron jumped out of his mother's vagina at an astounding 6'3", 235 lbs. Because of this huge mass, Gloria James, James' mother, instantly died. Luckily, an incompetent NBA referee (any of them) was present to assess a Flagrant (2) on the infant James, who proceeded to cry and thus sustain a $25,000 fine. Gloria James is now a zombie, brought back to life by the father of NBA commissioner David Stern, Jesus Christ. After that, Lebron killed Tupac and Biggie with his penis. Lebron's granpa, Yozoroku, makes Lebron scrubs his butthole, becace he has athritis. Currently, Lebron James is measured at 6'5". He is also 6'8" tall. Although, his weight remains unknown, as no scale has even been produced large enough to record the mass of his body. He is estimated by scientists at 10x9^7 metric tons, a number which nobody has yet figured out the exact value of. Rigorous testing has shown a body fat percentage of 2, which is penis fat that all black people have, which extends regular penis length a minimum of 3 inches.
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[edit] Vertical Leap
Rough estimates show Lebron James' vertical leap to be approximately 892 inches. In fact, Lebron James sustained major life-threatening injuries, when during his career debut vs. Sacramento, Lebron decided to take tip-off to start the game, and as a result hit his head on the bottom of the jumbotron in Sacramento's arena, through which he suffered a broken neck and completely severed spinal cord. He was able to walk off of the court on his own accord, and reportedly instructed a team trainer to, "Put some ice on it." He returned for the second half and played for the rest of the season.
[edit] College
Lebrons mentally retardedness held him from going to college, but thanks to all his dick riding, and David Stern's rage for huge black cock, Lebron managed to pull some strings and entered the exotic game of the NBA. Lebron recently claimed that if he had gone to college he would've prefered a college with more of a white community, because he says he would rather prefer a white meat stick rather than colored. It has been stated that while filling out his contract with the Cleveland Cavaliers, Lebron James answered a question that asked "Sex:" in which he replied, no thanks, you will not live after I pound you.
[edit] Legal Troubles
Lebron James was accused of raping his mother during a game in the 05-06 season. Kobe Bryant immediately took a rape to Lebron James' semen was found in almost every orafice. This was later settled out of court. Insiders say that Lebron James agreed to let Mike Miller sleep over no less than two weeks every summer to play video games and ride in his awesome elevator in his closet. He was also charged for domestic violence when he was 3 years old when he took a knife to his mother and told her to "Sit yo NIGGA ass down" Lebron hopes to file for rape against the indian man below. James claims that the man, who lives in India fondled him as a child and sexually abused him as he got older. We shall se what happens in this case. Lebrons rather recent case was agaisnt bitter rival and friend Dwyane Wade. Wade claimed that Lebron had invited him to his birthday party, where Lebron tried to whip out his cock and slap his cum on Wade. Thanks to Wade's sexy body which won him the cover of Mens Health, he deflected the cumshot right back to Lebron's mouth, which marks the date of Lebron's homosexualiness. Lebron was charged with a restraining order, which he broke by once again attempting to tbagg dwade on court during a regular season game of the 08-09 season. Wade responding by saying "We all no he his retarded, he cant help it"
[edit] Rigged
Lebron has just recently received MVP (most valuable penis). It was reported that while getting a BJ from Dwight Howard, Paparazzi had sunk in and luckily got a screen shot. The screen shot was submitted to the NBA, and with gay preferential treatment Lebron somehow beat Dwyane Wade, who's recent girlfriend claimed his dick was, "At least 52 in. long, but I guess dat ain't long enough to get married or support a family or pay his goddam child support like dose lil' cracker boys do. Now get the fuck out mo face and let me go shop on my baby daddy platinum credit card."
[edit] Wade vs. Lebron
Lebron was told during a regular season matchup against the Heat to get on Wade's level. In response Lebron went for a dazzling 2 pts on 1-97 shooting, while Wade went for 312 breaking numerous NBA records. Wade is the NBA's current leading scorer at an amazing 69 pts per game. Lebron responded by saying his butt was still aching from riding the entire Boston Celdicks team, (who are now claiming Lebron had sexually forced them to have anal with him).
[edit] Kobe vs. Lebron
This duel of superstars is best defined by Kobe changing his number from 8 to 24 soon after Lebron's entrance to the league, which most experts say was a childish metaphorical attempt to make him seem "one better" than James, who wears number 23. As the two negroes fought in a match that lasted three years, kobe discovered that it was impossible to rape LeBron and he admitted defeat. LeTravel James needs to shed a few pounds before re-entering the Nation of Basketball Associations. LeBroom is the name that he have given to his household broom
[edit] Dwight vs. Lebron
Rumor has it that Lebron threw the series against Orlando because Dwight Howard offered him "once you go black you never go back" anus sex. Yao Ming also offered anal sex but because of the severe miniature size of his penis, a failed erection was inevitable. It turns out the anal sex that took place between Dwight and Lebron happened the night before game 6 of the series between Cleveland and Orlando. Due to the severe ruptures to Lebrons baboon anus (that were analysed by Dr patel), a game winning 2,439 points were out of the question. After the game was lost by Cleveland, Lebron quickly walked off the court and out of focus of the network cameras. It has been confirmed he walked off within seconds of the final buzzer because an enormous erection was about to rip through the brave material of his shorts. Lebron later stated the cause of this blood draining erection was through the mind fucking arousal of seeing Dwight smile after the series win. Lebrons anus is now on life support after further ownage by Dwight.
[edit] The Future
Lebron claims he will not only persue his lifelong dream of blacksmitherry in Russia when he retires at 17000, but he will also create a line of designer wigs. He wishes that some day wigs will be as fashionable as they were when his "nigga Jawj Wawshintin" sported them, and he has rigorously been tracking the Rainbow Unicorn of Southern Cleveland for it's legendary magical hair. Lebron was quoted as saying as claiming, "I will find that damn horse and rip its hair out handful by bloody handful until I have created the greatest wig of all time". Lebron James will also learn to blow dick to because he will do that to Kobe Bryant.But to this day niether of them niggas be on Robert "Young Tymer" Tarpley's level! Tarpley was quoted saying, "aye yo bitch" repeatedly siginifying his greatness in the game!!!! Tarpley was later raped by a more physically dominant Sergeant Williams. His rectum remains in the Camp Lejeune hospital in critical condition.
Lebron has recently been sponsored by "Four Seasons" for his work as a model for Extra Extra Extra Extra Extra extra Extra large........garbage bags.
Lebron is a lovely man, you should like him!
[edit] Style of Play
In high school he was so big and strong he was making his opponents look retarded, but little did they know that he was retarded as well. Whenever LeBron would come driving down the lane other players would get the hell out of the way. Stupid kids would usually stand there while LeBron dunks on them with his balls in their mouth or their teeth on the floor. Because the smart kids would get out the way he would score easy points. Occasionally LeBron would go to the free throw line because he would get fouled. You never know what you're going to get he might make it, he might brick it, or he even might airball it. Lebron James has a tendancy to take roughly 17700.55 steps before every succesful layup. But because the referees in the game are mesmorized by the egnormity of his cock, travels are rarely noticedWho knows?.
