Lecarow

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Lecarrow
Longyearbyenatnight.JPG
The sprawling metropolis that is Lecarrow.
Motto: Pudor tu, Serpentes Argentum!!!
State Ireland
Official nickname Forgotten Ireland
Official language(s) Broken English
Mayor The Commisioner
Established 1994
Currency Poo
Opening hours 24/7 on the Main Roscommon Road

Lecarrow is a large city situated on the Western shores of Lough Ree. Due to it's immense size and height(skyscrapers are ,,too-numerous"), it can't be shown on Google Earth truthfully, but rather is portrayed as many fields.

The Commisioner[edit]

The commisioner is the local dog that seems to have taken the role of mayor for the small villiage. When the inhabbitants first move to lecarrow, they are told to feed the commisioner as payment for his good sevices. It is said that the commisioner once saved the villiage from the orange shnaake that goes through lecarow once every two hours. It would appear that he is Lecarow's only celebrity due to his appearence in Knockcroghehry in 2006.

Pat Dylan[edit]

Pat Dylan is the local idiot that is constantly be repremanded by the commisioner for his stupididty. If he was to approach your mercedes E320 DONT let him in. He'll stink up the place and make your leather interior taste like turf. He is constantly being cheated by the local shopkeep, he tells him that he is buying Guiness when infact hes drinking lucozade. He looks like an idiot but thats mainly because he is an idiot so dont underestimate him. HE WILL FOLLOW YOU HOME IF YOUR NICE TO HIM.

The Yew tree[edit]

This place of wonder still remains a mystery to the vast majority of un-english speaking muck savages of the east side of lecarow. If you use the basis of that lecarow harbor faces north then east side of the village is about as safe as a lidl condom. The east side is mainly inhabited by tribes of celtic warriors, sheep, a shit-load of rocks and some guy called kevin but nobody speaks to him because he's gay and as we all know, he is the only gay in the village.

The main-road folk[edit]

This breed of Lecarrowian is branched off from that off the original breed. The main-road breed has got running water and has not wageda singal war since the great potatoe blight in the 1800's. They fought the people that, in their belief, started the famine. They burned people at the steak and tied dogs to their owners so that the dog would get so pissed off and kill the owner. At one stage they also left a man to die in St. Johns wood and left him with nothing more than his shoe laces, he manged to barter his shoe laces to a minotour who he befriended then had fourteen children together and is still to this day a sex-slave of the minotour. At times it is said you can hear the minotour pleasuring himself to the mans dead body. All in all, the main road folk are far more advanced than their cousins, in the year 2004 they banished the commisioner from the main-road and threatened him with castration if he were ever to return, however the commisioner is planning an up-rising to rid lecarow of the evil of the main-road folk.

History[edit]

Lecarrow was founded in biblical times when the immortal Mary O'Rourke got sick after a drinking night out. As the lumps in the sick formed the shape of skyscrapers, cavemen built the world's highestbuilding, then 2 storeys high. This buildig still remains, behind Kelly's, as th old football club. In 1200 AD, the Commissioner's ancestral family mated with the local humans. This led to the human's brains descend into idiocy, and the dog's brains ascend into idiocy, forming a common bond between the two species. While intellectual growth in Middle Ages Ireland was slow, it outpassed Lecarrow by miles. This led to Lecarrow being the only area in Ireland to survive the Black Death and the Plantations, as the english decided that nothing could be gained from such a pile of poo. When Cromwell arrived in Ireland, it is said that he was brought to Lecarrow to see how the worst of the Irish lived. It was this sight that haunted him and possessed him to go on his murderous rampage. When the famine arrived, starving families flocked from miles around to see the village as it made the dying, starving masses feel better about themselves, knowing their life wasn't as bad as the natives.