Left-handed noseflute
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“What the f*** is a left-handed noseflute!!”
~ Jesus
“Shut up, whiteboy.”
~ Black Jesus, acknowledged creator of the left-handed noseflute
“Arse-tusk you say! Mmmmn arse-tusk...”
“Welcome to Australia, where every man is free to play to play Left-Handed Nose flutes...but never right-handed ”
“Don't go there Ruddy! Right-handed is......:P~”
Contents |
[edit] The Left-handed Noseflutes Origins
Left-handed Noseflutes were created in Jewland. They are made of Arse-tusk from the rare Kangajew which is native in Russia but now extinct in Germany. The rare dragon-reptile Kangajew is melted down into a bar of quality arse-tusk which is then hollowed out by Japanese ninjas before adding a $499.99 (eBay average price) double-reed at the end of the flute. They were also used as weapons by the Jamaicans during World War II. Jamaicans are still very behind.
Every song that the left-handed noseflute is used in, is played in the mode called Dorian( (door-i-on, very epic). You don't play in Dorian, dorian plays you!
Jewland eventually took the left-handed noseflute as their national instrument. Black Jesus was known to advocate this, which was enough to make it happen. However, Jewland disowned the left-handed noseflute upon the release of Halo. This, as Black Jesus would agree to, is an awesome game, and is a better sport than left-handed nosefluting will ever be. Then Halo was disowned and Beyblading was taken in as the national sport because Black Jesus was away in a conference with the other Jesuses and George Bush thought that it was a type of food. Which is why he voted yes. Stupid fat American asses. The left-handed noseflute, having been created by Black Jesus, rose up with Tetris and old school belt buckles and staged a comeback. That comeback led to this page being created (and eventually deleted by the admins). This is actually Page V2. Anyway, Tetris wasn't very well accepted, and neither were old-school belt buckles, so the left-handed nose flute carries on. With Or Without You. U2 is a better band than My Chemical Romance will ever be, because THEY ARE EMO BICHES. People reverted to playing some random game called Cubefield, and the belt buckles with skulls, gems, daggers and drugs carved on them are now the craze.
[edit] Who Plays It?
“I DO!!! Pick ME!! ”
John Howard recently succeeded in finishing his 4 year nosefluting course at his own personal university, excelling in every major skill that comes with possessing a left-handed noseflute. As stated at the top,he will provide all students with a noseflute of their own, specially crafted from high-quality arse-tusk. You must be a ninja, super-ninja, kangajew, Jewlander, Pokemon Master, Batman, cheesemaker, CEO of Aeroplane Jelly co. or a mentally disturbed bearded man to have any chance at becoming one of those musicians who everyone thinks 'Woah, he can play Star Wars on his *generic instrument*, he must be uber-awesome n00b pwnage!' but really doesn't know much more than how to play above stated, several random movie themes and Pachelbel's Canon.
You need multiple lifetimes or a 'Get Out Of Jail Free' ticket to have any chance at learning how to play it. It requires several years of painstaking listening to Backstreet Boys crap in order to understand how painful it is to play. You try sticking a flute up your nose. Jerk.
Once you start learning, you can't stop. Literally. The first song you learn to play is that stupid song off the iPod ad done by that crap band popularised then hated because of the iPod ad. Yeah, that song. The one that you had in your head for 4 months then got it out of your head by screaming self-insulting comments in public. You're scarred forever. Hah. Once you've learned that, you will be able to play in public. You still won't be as good as that levitating guy outside the White House, because levitating is fully sick and awesome (leviatie is not counted, only puntzes think that's levitating. I can do leviatie, by the way. But I'm not a puntz.). I wish I could levitate like that magician guy.
Now you must prove you are Asian and play both Maplestory and Pokemon, the two lolicons of Asialand. Play in public until you have earned 300G, so you can buy a Composite Bow. Now hunt Green Morkids at level 15-20. Catch a Caterpie and raise it to level 10 to evolve it to Butterflee, and defeat the first gym by using it and 5 level 2 Pidgeys as scapegoats while you heal. Because everyone knows Charmander is awesome, but can't beat the first gym because ITS A FIRE TYPE. Now complete 'The Dividing Wall' for your level 35 armour. By now you will be wondering why the hell you're doing all this. Well, you've done it all. Too late now to stop it. You are now a master nose-flutist.
[edit] Traits of a Master Nose-flutist
Usually a faggot, the basic term or description is a pokemon. Other terms include the following:
- Knows Aeroplane Jelly owns the crap out of Cottees junk shit jelly.
- Enjoys croquet. Yes, croquet.
- Is a lumberjack, pirate, ninja and dignified male whore, all at the same time.
- Has fluorescent business cards for all the above.
- Watches the Chaser's War On Everything and laughes at every skit.
- Hates Final Fantasy in every way, shape and form.
- Has Chuck Norris's personal laser disc collection memorised.
- Hates that guy called Aaron Tay who is apparently emo. <- Joke you will never get
- Can juggle 3 balls. Don't worry, you're getting there.
- Is an orthodox Jew.
[edit] Music
It has been used in pieces by Black Jesus when it was first invented but is now used in Fallout Boy's latest songs. 'Thanks for your Mom' has a huge left-handed noseflute solo in the middle. He also used the instrument as a contreceptive when does 'Thankyou 4 Ure Mom', continually their trend of absurdly horrible 'hip' names. The Range of a left-handed noseflute is from a C to a Db as shown here...
- How do you get 5 Left-handed noseflutes in tune?
- Shoot four of them and crucify Black Jesus so they will never return
[edit] Lost Dreams Of Marcus Miller
Before Marcus Miller became the new god (2009), shortly followed by James Heazlewood-dale (king of the land of Tavish), Marcus Miller spend 395.68794 years learning the Left-Handed Noseflute. In 1932, Jaco Pastorius tried to melt Marcus Miller with his awesomeness and then only thing that kept Marcus alive was his left-handed noseflute. Many other legends and myths surround the power of this flute, but none more inspirational then when the infamous Gareth Holmes performed his single at Wesley College. It was the only sound ever heard to be as magical as the left-handed noseflute.
Also, when Marcus Miller wrote his well-known 'Run For Cover', he original named it 'Run From Black Jesus'. However, the name was changed by Black Jesus because of the Left-handed Noseflute solo being to epic. The song was re-arranged and re-named to be more appropriate.
