Leotard

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You may think to yourself, "How is it that humans, being the most developed of earthly species, have mentally and physically handicapped members of society, but not animals?" The truth is you're already wrong. Animals do have retarded citizens! For the purpose of this article, we'll talk about the lions. Lions originated in Africa and have stayed there ever since. They roam around the Greater African plains in herd-like flocks called prides. As kings of the jungle, it is required that they have a near perfect physique and an almost god-like ability to think on their feet. Bit there are exceptions to this rule. As do humans, lions have their own genetic blunders that make for awkward conversation and poorly concealed staring. The scientic term is Leotard. Derived from the latin words Leo, meaning lion, and Tard, meaning person of lower intelligence but can't help it, Leotard literally means retarded lion.

History[edit]

Leotards being a minor sub-demographic of lions had no place in world history until the arrival of humans. It was first suspected that Leotards existed when an English-born zoologist named Chapswick Clydeshire was almost mauled by a rather funny looking lion but was saved at the last minute because the lion was distracted by a table. Owing his life to the retardation of lions, Clydeshire devoted his career to the study and capture of all Leotards. He spent a year alone on a ranch with nothing but the ever tedious leotards. When he returned to london he published a book entitled My Year Wasted. According to the journal, he spent most of the time trying to "keep them from running away or eating crap that they shouldn't." He states that the only thing he learned about them is that the "poor Motherfuckers are too ... retarded for their own fucking good. Goddamn leotards." Some said that he was being really cruel because they couldn't help it and it's a birth defect and all that cal, to which he replied, " You didn't spend a year trying to stop them from biting trees." Clydeshire's only deduction from spending a year alone with the was that they were "retarded." He was ostricised by most social classes but his reputation was repaired years later when he fought valiantly in the Graet War and established the small independent nation of Apploon. Seventeen years later Oxford University sponsored an expidition to find out more on leotards. This time using cruel inhumane tactics they acually made progress. They discovered that Lions also can be epileptic, have Tourette's Syndrome, and even be gay. A lion with the latter defect is known as a Leonardo. In World War 2, the Nazis decided they hated Leotards and wanted to destroy them. It almost worked but the overlooked the fact that even retarded lions eat people. Dumbasses.

Today[edit]

Every time a new Leotard is discovered it is taken and put in a "special pride." These are often called shames. There is no purpose for this other than to alienate them. We don't know why we do this, but it's what Chapswick Clydeshire said to do, but he was a Leotard-hating nutbag.

Their Main Uses[edit]

It is well known that their hide, often desribed as "elastic" and "gay," can be made into a suit often worn by gay stage actors, also called a Leotard. Why normal lion's hides aren't used this is unknown, but it's probably because we don't want to kill normal lions for their hides. Their meat is also very tasty. And their blood provides an antidote to retardation in in all species. But it's un-pataent-able by big pharmeceutical companies so it remains unused.

Controversy[edit]

Many animal rights activists complain and nag about the treatment of Leotards at Leotardation Treatment Centers, commonly known as "tard farms." They request a substitute known as Euthanasia. Their argument is that they "don't want to see them suffering... or see their weird shaped heads."

Impact On Society[edit]

They provide entertainment in the form of uneasy laghter at their quirky escapades and naive but innocent remarks, and also in the form of a gay costume for stage actors to wear.