Less Than Jake
“Less than Jake think I'm what???”
“Don't call me Rich, don't call me George, just call me Cheese, that's who I am!”
Less Than Jake, one time vice-president of North Korea, are a band of accordion playing lemmings who should not be confused with the political party "Less Than Bush", who really have nothing to do with the talented lemmings. Less Than Jake were once banned from being a band on a Tuesday in 1978, as they had violated Fiji's one golden rule- don't piss in the King's whiskey. Which they did. 47 times.
Than Jake Less?
The band first met up at a Gay/Lesbian conference in Delaware, and decided to spread their neo-feminist rules on a global scale by forming a band, and turning into lemmings, which they assumed would be a gold mine for sales in the lemming community.
However, after recording their first album, "" on a busy street in Cairo, sales failed to live up to their expectations, and Less Than Jake had to go back to the drawing board, which was impossible, as someone had boarded up the door and drawn on it, showing what a bitch irony is.
The band threw off this minor setback to headline the Reading For Kids Festival, and succeeded as they won the Under 7's spelling bee, beating off some nerd from Wales. Their reputation restored, Less Than Jake begged for money to be able to record their second album, which they got when they eventually beat up the rich man on the front of Monopoly, and stole most of his money and the tiny dog that he has, which proved to be the inspriation of the album title "That Dog From Monopoly".
The album sold precisely 12 copies, all to South African farmers, who each traded their prize goat for the album. Less Than Jake were famous and successful again, but who knew who long it would last? Gandhi knew, but unfortunately, he was dead.
Lion King and Things We Don't Understand (1975)
Losing Streaker (1986)
Hello Pay-per-View (1998)
Boulders and Bullrings (2000)
B is for Bowling-for-Soup (2004)
Out with the Pezcore Crowd (2006)
From Under the Cork Tree Remastered (2015) [In Production]
These are the original members of the band- "Roger"- now known as "The Lemming Formerly Known As Roger" "Chris"- now known as "Chris" "Vinnie"- now known as "Vinegar" "Buddy"- now known as "I'm Not Your Buddy, Fuck Face" "Jessica" "Garfield"
Jessica left the band in '89 to follow a funny coloured poodle, and Garfield parted with the Jake in 96', after a freak tap-dancing accident, which innocently murdered 7 chickens and those goats they got, plunging the world into a 45-year nuclear war, which destroyed most of the world except for Minsk which later prospered and became Earth Capital, a.k.a Couruscant.
“Life in LessThanJakeLand is hard yet rewarding. They give you free goggles.”
LessThanJakeLand, formerly known as Russia, is a huge plot of land full of non-lemmings who are forced to listen to the band 26 hours a day after their long days at the acid mines, which help produce 134% of the world's acid, which is avaiable at your local convenience store for a small price.
"Life in LessThanJakeLand is hard yet rewarding. They give you free goggles" Oscar Wilde once said. He's quite correct, as, according to a recent poll, LessThanJakeLand was voted more humane than rival FallOutBoyLand, which was rendered by "Chris" as "gay."
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