Lil Jon

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
OH-KAAAYYYYY!

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Okay.”

“He doesn't know any other words.”

~ Captain Obvious on Lil Jon's vocabulary

“That cup is a little flashy.”

~ Captain Understatement on Lil' Jon's chalice

“Wait a second, he's not little at all!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Lil' Jon's ironic title and size

“Yes, that's 3 captains being quoted in a row on the same page.”

~ Me on Quotes


Lil Jon, also known as Little Jonathan by white people is currently King of of the Holy Crunk Empire. (The original rulers of the Holy Crunk Empire were of course the Holy Crunk Twins, Ying and Yang, known to whiteys and parole officers as D-Roc and Kaine)


While little is known about Lil Jon's past, Lil Jon and his cabinet, the Eastside Boyz have taken over as leaders of the ancient civilization of Crunk, by royal decree of the Holy Crunk Twins in 1976.

Lil Jon has stellar diplomatic abilities, so much that he created a whole new language based on Beaner speak, called Crunkish. Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz have also passed on their faith in the land of Crunk through their constitutional amendments, which double as music albums popular in the United Spades. Such amendments include (in no particular order): Get Crunk Who U Wit Da Album, Kings Of Crunk, Crunk Juice, We Still Crunk, Not Giving up Crunkness Anytime Soon, Really! Still Crunk!, Who is spreading these abhorrant rumours that we are no longer crunk?, and the amendment that elected him for president;Merry Crunkmas. Lil Jon got some hits on his back, some examples is "Roll Call" in which he get chased by japs. "I like dem girlz" in wish he like them girls. And "Get low" in wish his career goes down. Based on a true story.

Accomplishments[edit]

How could we forget the world nomination for the best line in a song ever: "To the window, to the wall,till the sweat drop down my balls "? Not only is this a line that shows us the way of the Force but is also similar to any Oscar Wilde quote. Nevertheless LiL Jon indeed WAS nominated as the first black man to ever record a rap cd in 1835 when he was born. He taught Tupac, Christina Aguilera and R Kelly how to rap and was considered as theYodaof the rap game (the Luke is, of course, Down AKA Kilo). Jonathan Merry is currently 17 years old


Between shouting on various records, its has very recently been revealed the Lil John had been studying for a degree in English Language from Oxford University, his agency tried desperately to keep this from the public as they feared it would ruin his reputation, and as feared upon hearing this news hundreds of fans burned their Lil John CDs.

Crunkish[edit]

Crunkish is based around a number of expressions called Crunkisms. The proper way to write Crunkish is in all caps. Example of Some Crunkisms, Words n Shit in Lil Jon's Dictionary:

  • WHAT
  • OKAY (variation: OKAY-KAY-KAY)
  • YEAH
  • AH LETS GO
  • SKEET SKEET
  • BITCHIN' WIT' SLAMMITUDE
  • 369
  • TAPPIN' DAT ASS
  • BACK DAT ASS UP
  • YOWZA YOWZA YOWZA
  • GET CRUNK
  • W00T
  • Excuse me sir, but may I partake in your illegal substance abuse?
  • WAAATCCHH OUUUT!
  • Let's get this thang cruuunk!

For more information on Crunkish expressions and grammar, please refer to; Crunkish.

Controversy[edit]

In August of 2006 it came to light that Lil Jon, standing monarch of the Crunk Empire, has been holding secret negotiations with fundamentalist Islamic terrorists. The private negotiations, which became public knowledge in wake of the Hotlanta Crunk Genocide ravaging the Dirty Souf in late 2006, included a deal in which Lil Jon would provide weapons grade uranium to freedom-hating terrorists in exchange for the world's largest cache of Crunk Juice, which lies buried beneath Iran. Crunk Juice, made with whitey blood, is explained in more detail in the article Crunk. Drilling began soon after the deal was made, and currently the Crunk Empire controls more than 90 percent of the world's supply of Crunk Juice. This is troublesome for Americans as America has instated a strict trade embargo with the Crunk Empire until they agree to stop murdering strippers who won't show love to a thug.

A Message from Crunk Land[edit]

NEW ALBUM CRUNK ROCK COMING OUT SUMMER 2009 IT'S GONNA BE TIGHT YO!!! WITH SNAP YO FINGERS, ACT A FOOL, FLOOR ON FIRE, SLEEZY DOGG, KILLAS, WITH THE GAME, SWIZZ BEATZ, WHOLE WHEAT BREAD, POD, SOULJA BOY, KID ROCK, T-PAIN, LIL SCRAPPY, LIL WAYNE, TI, AND SNOOP! THE FIERCE HYPED ALBUM G!!! O-KAYYYY!!!

See Also[edit]