Lily Allen

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Talented Lily Allen hard at work
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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lily Allen.

Lily Allen is a famous vaginal bacteria from England, with no tits, who rose to fame through her distinctive songs notable for their poor timing giving an off-beat feel. She is often mistaken for a particularly ugly human (the daughter of equally ugly human Keith Allen) due an illness that has caused hair loss and sexual outbursts. She is known to be Amy Winehouse's arch-enemy due to their similarly unattractive asexual natures and love of alcohol. She is also the most attractive Brit to ever exist, which, needless to say, isn't saying much.

Personal Life[edit]

Allen has no social life to speak of and has poor communication skills as can be seen in her lyrics. Improper pronunciations are common in her speech and 'singing'. Contrary to popular belief, she's the most annoying person ever. She was born in 2007 in a treehouse...somewhere. She is the niece of Gay comedian Dave Allen. Thus, many believe her musical career to be an actual career. She has never had a normal relationship as she belongs to a breed called 'piggy' and therefore prefers one-night-stands with strangers who have big dicks and pay her well.

She also admitted on numerous occasions that she is a drug dealer and is a user herself, which is hardly unacceptable in music;after all, everyone's doing it. This may explain her unattractive appearance and constant rants about the how she hates British people. She also covered a song by Jeffree Star to prove her naivete about the music industry.

However it has been discovered that Lily Allen is not a chav, even though she puts on a piggy London accent, but in fact her mother is a porn movie director and her dad is a Gay fashion designer named Keith Allen. I'm not sure about you, but I don't know many chavs with a social background like that.

It is well known fact that Lily Allen is the chav part of the trinity of evil, with Jeremy Clarkson representing the pompous twats and George Bush representing the Americans, and the brain-deads.

Career[edit]

Allen was given a record deal on the basis that her father is extremely wealthy and has more talent than a lot of people in the music business. Her lyrics are written by a man in Scunthorpe who allows her to perform them under her own name. It is the cheap recording process that produces the poor timing and skips, frequently giving an off-beat feel, which has made her famous. She cannot sing, so she instead talks 'rhythmically' and out-of-tune. This awful-sounding out-of-tune mess is all the rage, however and has got her to number 1 in the charts 59 times (she prefers 69, however).

Her first single, Smile was released in 2006 and she hasn't left us alone since. 'Smile' has the ability to make everyone do completely the opposite; however, it somehow gained popularity with subliminal messaging programmed into the song is still played 75 times a day on Radio 1.

Reputedly Saddam Hussein surrendered himself when the US Army threatened to bring Lily in for the USO show.

She is like other artists such as The Ting Tings, Katy Perry, Kate Nash, Lady GaGa and countless others who say they are different, but they are not. They dress "different" but they don't they wear the same clothes which is glow in the dark tights and dildos straps, which is a new trend which makes people think they are different. They all also make "quirky" songs but they don't, it's about kissing girls or having inter species relationships. But THEY ARE NOT DIFFERENT. This part of the article is really badly written, what's up with that? Nowt.

Discography[edit]

Alright On The Night, With Ian Wright[edit]

  1. Smile (Please?) - a song about how nobody listens to her compositions
  2. Knock Me Up - refers to her day job
  3. LSD - refers to her favorite past-times
  4. Everyfin Sounds Just Awful - speaks for itself
  5. Not Small, Just Anorexic - a song referring to her vanity and body image
  6. Friday Nite Wiv Jonnfan Ross - describes her numerous TV appearances
  7. Shame on Ya - about her fans
  8. Littalist Fings - refers to the only men she can pull without beer goggles.
  9. Take What Ya Want - another one tha speaks for itself
  10. Mate O' Mine, Innit
  11. Helfy - before her rompings and drug-taking.
  12. Womanizer - a slowed down monstrous remake of Britney Spear's already dreadful song.

It's Not You, It's Me....No, Wait. I'm Sorry It Is You[edit]

  1. Smile (Please?) - a song about how nobody listens to her compositions
  2. Knock Me Up - refers to her day job
  3. LSD - refers to her favorite past-times
  4. Everyfin Sounds Just Awful - speaks for itself
  5. Not Small, Just Anorexic - a song referring to her vanity and body image
  6. Friday Nite Wiv Jonnfan Ross - describes her numerous TV appearances
  7. Shame on Ya - about her fans
  8. Littalist Fings - refers to the only men she can pull without beer goggles.
  9. Take What Ya Want - another one tha speaks for itself
  10. Mate O' Mine, Innit
  11. Helfy - before her rompings and drug-taking.
  12. Womanizer - a slowed down monstrous remake of Britney Spear's already dreadful song.

She has also done several covers of famous songs like "everybody's not changing" and "mister blue-blue sky" (the famous ELO-LYALLEN song)

Most of the songs on this album are sampled from classic reggae songs and have been totally ruined....but that's the best way to earn money these days.

See also[edit]