Lionel Richie

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Lionel. His moustache usually looked more impressive.
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lionel Richie.

Lionel Richie (born 1547, Liege, Belgium) is a fantastic guy with the best moustache ever. He became famous for being the father of Nicole Richie, and also using his daughter's popularity as a skinny bitch to sell some records. He also has the 4th most famous moustache in the world, after Freddie Mercury, Adolf Hitler, and Dick Dastardly.

Early years[edit]

Lionel Richie was born in Liege, Belgium, in 1547, during the war between Belgium and Western Samoa, to a Christine Boulangere, a local pudding maker, and Big Richie, a Samoan football player. Due to the hairy nature of Samoans, Richie was born with an afro, which he made his trademark during the Napoleon wars 1812-15, Civil War 1864-65, and The Commodores 1977-1981 periods.

Solo Career[edit]

Hello.

He then switched to his trademark moustache, after his mother took him to the movies to see a Wrestling documentary, Hitler vs. Stalin Smackdown '44. He won the title of Mr. Moustache 1983, beating Teddy Roosevelt, the guy from Village People, and the guy from Frankie Goes to Hollywood in the final. In the 80's he had a string of major cheesy hits, such as "You Are", "My Love", "You Are My Love", "Baby I Love You Forever", "Love From Above", "Together Forever", "Wonderful Love", "You Are The Best Ever", "Let Me Cover You With Coconut Cream", and "I Like It From Behind".

Greatest Achievement[edit]

It was also during this time, when he achieved the greatest achievement of his career, that is fathering Nicole Richie. This was such a great achievement, and contribution to the society, that a statue of Lionel Richie was produced to honor him by the guys from the "Hello" video.

Later years[edit]

In the 1990's, Richie released his comeback album "From the Back", but during the video shootings, he forgot to tuck his shirt in, and subsequently his videos were banned from MTV, due to pornographic content. As a result of this, the album didn't get much publicity, and sold poorly. In the late 2001, Richie began working on a Greatest Hits compilation, "Hot Cheese: Greatest Cheesy Hits", when he switched from a moustache to a goatee, since the goatee enabled him to smear cheese with his face more effectively. In 2009 Richie has been quiet, although he did release a video, where he proves, that he is much less black, than Akon.

Popularity in the Arab World[edit]

Iraqi men love Lionel Richie.

Iraqi men: "When I hear Lionel Richie, it just makes me want to shoot a machine gun into the air. So beautiful. We love Lionel Richie, because of his fantastic moustache. He is like a Saddam Hussein with a soft side".

Lionel Richie: - "What the fuck? I don't know".

Relationship with Oscar Wilde[edit]

There are no known quotes whatsoever by Oscar Wilde about Lionel Richie. None.

Lionel Richie, however, once said the following

"Yo man, the 1983 Oscars? That was wild, man ! That was off the heezie, for sheezie my neezie !"