TO CAUSE CANCER, BIRTH DEFECTS AND OTHER REPRODUCTIVE HARM.
|NOT SAFE FOR PLANES!!|
|The snake you are looking at may not be plane safe!|
If Samuel L. Jackson saw this, claim that he did not look like a bitch. Otherwise, continue to read it until your snake urges are sated.
The Shit One better known by his stage name Liquid Snake was the leader of the terrorist threat at Shadow Moses and inexplicably British. When Solid & Liquid Snake were cloned, Liquid received all of Big Bosses suave genes, while Solid Snake received all of the rugged genes. Because of this, Liquid Snake planned to destroy the world. Why?.. because he could not grow a beard like Solid Snake could.
Liquid Snake suffers from a complex inflicted by Big Boss, his (technically) father. How this was caused was Big Boss yelled at Liquid. A lot. He said terrible things to him that you would never (well, probably) would say to your own son, such as;
- "Liquid, why can't you be like your brother?"
- "Liquid, how come your brother killed me with a rocket launcher when all I had was a fifty-foot walking-battle-tank of death? Christ, you suck."
- "Liquid, either you're a pussy, or I'm just badass as ever. Be like your brother."
- "Liquid, or is it, DIQUID...fag."
- "I love my dead gay son."
- "What's with the fucking gay ass accent? Talk like your brother you fag!"
- "Liquid, why don't you be like your brother and get a damn job?"
- "Solid is better than Liquid."
- "What a fag."
- "Liquid you dick, I should start calling you Diquid."
- "The only time your snake will become solid is when I'm dead. Like that's gonna happen anytime soon."
- "Liquid, you are NOT a man"
- (Sees Liquid step out of the shower)"Wow, no wonder they call you Liquid Snake. Fag."
Imagine your father saying this to you! Man, that blows. Sorry,
Diquid Liquid. Hell, Big Boss even lied to him! He said that Liquid had retarded genes whilst Snake had the awesome genes. It was actually the other way around. Wow, what a liar. Wait, what if a time traveller went back in time and told Liquid that he was actually the dominant one? That would give him enough self-esteem to kill Solid Snake when the events of Metal Gear Solid: Robot Dinosaur happened. Then... no more Solid Snake. Oh shit, did I say this theory out loud? Oh shit!
(Further studies have confirmed above statement as impossible.)
- Liquid Snake is the manifestation of Solid if he were a british faggot (who never dies because of the fact that he's to cowardly too).
Life After The Asshole Baby Project
After Liquid Snake was cloned, he was quickly shipped to England with Big Boss because they were deemed "too dangerous for America to handle" because their lack of a good accent might have left Liquid feeling even more retarded. In England he was also raised by Richard Dawkins who told him everything about his retarded genetic makeup. Big Boss trained Liquid to be badass, just like him. Together, they went on missions in Japan, South Canada, Eastern Hell, and Buttfuck (pronounced "Byoot-fook").
Later on, Liquid decided to take it the next step after Big Boss died in 1999 and commanded FOXHOUND. For five years, Liquid tried and tried to make Big Boss's dream come true. Oh yeah, did we mention he had a dream for soldiers to be appreciated?
So in like, 2005 the asshole himself Solid Snake shows up because Liquid is making Metal Gear Robot Dinosaur and he wants Big Boss's remains to clone him again like, a million times. However, Liquid forgets how to activate Metal Gear Robot Dinosaur, and so he is forced to rely on Solid Snake to run around and do all the thinking work for him. This plan is thrown into jeopardy several times by crap game players, who don't realise how to beat Psycho Mantis or forget to check for mines. In fact, Liquid himself almost screws himself over royally when he flips out and tries to sit on Solid Snake with his giant Hind. Thankfully, Solid Stings Liquid's Hind, and so Liquid is forced to retreat, allowing Solid Snake to continue with his mission.
Solid Snake does not approve of Metal Gears, so he tries to kick Liquid's ass along with the other members of FOXHOUND and succeeds. And no matter how many times Liquid's ass got kicked, he never seems to die. He's like a fucking cockroach. And it would be an endless loop of Snake kicking Liquid's ass, if that disease (probably AIDS) hadn't killed him first.
Everyone thought no one would hear the last of Liquid, until like, two years later. Revolver Ocelot stole Liquid's dead body-part. The catch? Now Liquid sometimes takes over his body through his arm. Scientists speculate that this is because english people store their brains in their arms.
About eight years later, Liquid has full control over Ocelot's body. He wants a rematch against Solid Snake somewhere in the Middle East. This time, he has a fuckton of miniature Metal Gear Robot Dinosaurs. And a magic wand that makes egg cake for all to enjoy, except Solid-fucking-Snake.
Liquid masturbates to picutres of Golden Retreivers too. Just thought you should know that.