Literate
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The art of reading stuff. Yes, art and read, they usually don't go together do they? Like oil and....something that doesn't go with oil. Back to literacy. In order to test if you are literate, you must have been able to read the above sentence. If you can read the above sentence,then most likely you are literate. If not, I am therefore writing to myself and wasting a large amount of time where I could be doing something useful, like cure cancer.
“A little literacy is a dangerous thing, and a great deal is absolutely fatal”
~ Oscar Wilde on Literacy
Contents |
[edit] Back to literacy...the second time
In order to know what information literate people use, we need to know what they don't use.
NOT:
Most Literate people communicate through braille and or morse code despite it not being something literate people use. See Paradox
[edit] Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics
If you believe the so-called Statisticians 16% of people are illiterate. Infact, statasticians are probably not to be believed when it comes to a firm illiterate percentage. This is because when they sent out the literacy survey, the 16% was calculated based on the number of people that checked the "No" box. There was no mention of the 32,416 surveys that were never returned.
Additonally, it is widely believed that the literacy rate does not exist (who trusts mathematicians for something about literacy anyway?) In fact the only sure-fire to test for literacy (mom-approved) is to:
1. print out this paper
2. go up to the first person you see
3. Wave this paper in his/her face then ask, "Can you read this?" If they can read it, then there is 50% chance he is literate.
[edit] Who's Who in illiteratecy
There are actually quite a few famous illiterates. To name a few:
People who recently had a lobotomy
People who recently had a colonoscopy
[edit] Why would I want to be literate?
Contrary to teachers and politicians say, literacy has no helpful benefits whatsoever. Consider Emily Dickingson. Most scholars believe it was due to her ability to read things that drove her mad. On the other hand, look at Bill Clinton, a cool illiterate president. Of course, he got in big trouble when it was discovered that Monica Lewinsky wrote his "autobiography". The government has so far been unsuccesful trying to cover up that story, claiming that Bill had an affair with her. (Bill, having an affair? He is too cool for that.)
[edit] "Fukwit" English
If you are a Chav, being illiterate comes as an automatic gift. Around the Newcastle area, they have developed their own literacy called "Fukwit English" Examples: "wellaye mate" becomes "welli m8" "Do you fancy going out drinking on the field tonight?" becomes "u fanci gannin drinkin tonite on da feeld? wi got bella n tht"
