Little Wigan

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This is nonsense. Ignore ;)

Little Wigan FC
Unclejoe.gif
Nickname
Piemen
Founded 1978 By George Barlow
Ground JJB Soccerdome, Asda, Wigan
Manager George Barlow
Chairmon Doris Lindsay
League FA Wet Spam Premiership Premier League.


“History is more or less bunk, especially in the case of Little Wigan”

~ Maurice Lindsay on Little Wigan

“Shut up”

~ LISA on Maurice Lindsay

“WTF...IM TOO GOOD FOR THIS TEAM”

~ Titus Bramble on Wigan

“The only good thing about wigan is their pies!!”

Little Wigan FC is a Football Team that represents the town of Little Wigan (popn. 354).

Little Wigan finally made it into the Football League in 1978 after 138 unsuccessful attempts. However, this time round, the club chairman offered a free pen and a pooles pie to all the members voting on the election and the club scraped through by one vote in place of Southport. The lack of stereotypes attached to the town meant they were running out of ways for supporters to take the piss out of them and as such were no longer suitable for the Football League.

Achievements[edit]

Critics allege that Little Wigan have never won anything. This is completely untrue: they won the Auto Windscreens shield in 1998 and the Ramsden Trophy in 1999 Extreme Stamp Licking 2002 championships when all the other teams pulled out.

The club is also the current holder of the pie devouring championships held annually in The Butty Box in Hindley, beating off stiff competition from Bolton, Burscough and Ince Rose Bridge. However they would have been no match for the town's rugby league team, who would have entered but had to play a match against Widnes Vikings that night. Some might even say that the Wigan Rugby team have 'private' pie eating competitions in the dressing rooms at half time of each game, but they would just be taking the Mick (Higham).

Support[edit]

The club's support derives mainly from the town of Little Wigan, spanning all of Springfield and parts of Newtown. Anywhere further than three miles away from the stadium is Rugby territory. When Wigan Rugby and Wigan Football supporters come together there is bound to be trouble and there usually is, for it is a contractual obligation for Little Wigan season ticket holders to punch anybody in a shirt that vaguely resembles the hue of cherry or the smell of Tetleys bitter or mild.

Naturally, the club's support consists of scallies, Old Age Pensioners and anyone under the age of five, seeing as the Little Wigan bandwagon has seemingly yet to run through the middle aged population.

Team[edit]

Chris'Hurt again' Kirkland the 1st team keeper for unathletic but 2484333453453534534534th best keeper in the world

Titus'Oh Shit I fucked Up Again' Bramble better know as the black ripped up condom couldnt even stop seaman going past him.

The Heskultor!! Was Good Now Shit and like Croatians

John 'was' Filan Although he has now moved on, Filan is a Little Wigan legend for simply; being shit. It has also been rumoured that he was in a relationship with fellow butterfingers Mike Pollitt

Characteristics[edit]

The typical Wiganer has many characteristics:

  • They avoid watching Dallas just because they 'feel dirty';
  • They refuse to be a customer of Norweb out of principle;
  • They stand up and chant along at the top of their voice whenever they hear anything remotely resembling You Are My Sunshine;
  • They think that 'oo-oo' song by those Japanese girls is a total ripoff of the South Stand whistle;
  • Can be heard criticising Titus Bramble in their sleep;
  • Hate shopping at JJB, despite the fact it is the club sponsor, simply because it goes to fund the thugby;
  • George Barlow is their hero and role model

Wiganers on tour[edit]

Wiganers can usually be spotted easily when out and about in England. The highlight of any Wigan fans year would be a summer trip to Whitby.

Usual description of a Latics mon:

  • Is fat
  • Is fat
  • Pale greasy skinned
  • Fair hair
  • Cross eyed
  • six fingers on their left hand
  • Usually seen with a pie
  • Races pigeons
  • Loses to said pigeons in said races
  • Owns whippets
  • Owns ferrets
  • Needs a wash
  • Works in a mine
  • Wears rags
  • Races ferrets
  • Works with a pigeon
  • Answers to the name of Stan, Albert, Gerturude(only on weekends) or Delroy

Songs[edit]

  • You Are My Sunshine (George Formby remix)
  • We're going down with the Sheffield
  • Who needs Mouriniho? we've got Titus Brambelio
  • We ate all the pies? (We did!)

Supporters, some of which may be 'celebrities'[edit]

See also[edit]

External Links[edit]

The FA Premier League
FA Premier League.png

Glory Hunters
Chel$ki Abramograd F.C. | Manchester Red Sox Ltd.

Slightly shittier teams that finish 3rd and 4th
Mickey Mousers Soccer Franchise Ltd. | Arse-anal

The Rest
Aston Villa | Tottenham Jooscum F.C. | Madchester Oasis F.C. |
Wet Spam G.S.E. | Harrods Cottagers F.C. | Greys Athletic | Long Ball-ton Wanderers | Neverton | Sunderland AFC | Pompeii

FA Premier League.png