How Link became Liz
...and so after saying good buy to his bum chum, Midna, who's orgasms could be heard through Wiimotes far and wide, Link went on back to Hyrule castle town. He went to Malo Mart and threw the extremely heavy magical armour at the gay guy dancing at the door, and demanded a refund with the annoyed grunting noise that he makes. Now,unfortunately for Link, Malo Mart had a no-returns policy, also, Malo was not happy that Link had just crushed Zelda's favourite dancer, (Zelda frequently shops here for sex toys) and so Link did not receive a refund for the spectacularly crappy armour. Instead, a Moblin that Malo Mart had just hired part time, jumped on Link's back, and started riding him like a boar. Link being magically bound to not be able to use weapons indoors, ran around squealing like the perverted pig he is. Link eventually managed to tire the moblin out, and ran away from Malo Mart. Reluctantly.
All he could think about was how much less embarrassing it would have been if he were a she. Walking through the streets of Hyrule castle town, holding his arse, he stumbled into Telma's bar. Stumbling over to the bar, he plopped himself down on the bar stool, and looked down Telma's bra. About 20 minutes later having had 5 pints of Lon Lon beer, he thought to himself, Why can't mine be that big? It was at this moment, he noticed the postman, kneeled down by the wall, reading peoples mail. Remembering how the postman had previously delivered him a letter with 20 rupees missing, he went over to him in an attempt to mug him. One step, two steps, three. Link found himself on the floor, with the postman leaning over him. Shouting Hey, the postman dropped a letter, and rushed to get help. Link peered at this letter - Colin, In return for the sex change operation, I require 3000 rupees and a pelt from a constipated Goron, as soon as you can pay me in full, drop by the clinic. Doctor - Link slipped the letter into his inventory circle and jumped up from the ground, and rolled head first into the wall.
The next morning, Link woke up in the clinic only to find that he had been robbed of his last 70 rupees. He started having thoughts of putting the master sword up the postmans **** But he was soon distracted by the moody doctor having a go at him for puking on the carpet. Link left the surgery with a slight hangover, cursing the postman under his breath, but Link soon remembered the letter. Slightly pissed off at the fact that he could no longer warp to places, he called Epona. Epona came trotting along with her head held up high, and her belly scratching the floor... My God you've gotten fat, said Link in his non talking kinda way. Epona neighed as if to say, Fuck You, and then kicked Link in the crotch. Link thought about how that would hurt so much less if he was a woman. And so they departed for Lake Hylia.
It was here that Link was to make 3000 rupees. Now, it was apparent that Epona had gotten fat through lack of excercise, and the neglect she received after Link became a wolf, so Link put her to work. It took 3 days for them to get there, but that's only because Epona collapsed after 5 minutes and Link had to carry her the rest of the way. The light spirit Lanayru loaned them the cave as a thank you present for his previous rescue. Link took a sign and set it up outside. The sign read - Sex 100 rupees, bring your own strap ons -
No sooner than the sign was up, A Trio of Zora's came walking by. They leered at the sign... So, she's inside right, one of them asked? Link, magically silenced by some sort of curse, just smiled. The Zora's handed over 300 rupees, and went inside. NNNNNEEEEEIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... Ahhh, AHhh, AHHHHHHHH Neiggggghhhh, GOOOOODDDDDD Ahhhhh YESSSSS YESSSS Neiggggghhh YESSSSSSS... Link shuddered Epona was subjected to this act long into the night. Eventually having raised more than enough money, Link thought it only fair that Epona's arse was given a chance to recover, after all, she was thin again.The following morning, they set out for the land of the gorons. Epona finally able to run at full speed, they reached Goron mountain in no time.
Having moved a huge lump of volcanic rock from Zora's domain to death mountain in their last adventure, they now arrived to find it in pieces. The area had an eerie calm about it. There wasn't a Goron to be seen, smelt yes, but not seen... Link searched the area, he heard something behind a piece of the rock, drawing his sword, he crept towards the rock, and Z-Targeted the life form behind the rock. He lunged forward, and plunged his sword into the ground behind the rock. He pulled his sword out, only to find 2 ducks which were mating, skewered on his blade. He slinked over to a geyser, and had roast duck for dinner... Epona was left to starve!
Having eaten, Link approached the elevator and got in. Pulling the penis shaped lever, link's facial expression changed to a sly sort of grin. The elevator went up. As did Link. Reaching the top, Link found all of the Gorons huddled around in a circle. Hay, he called, as this is pretty much all he can say. The Gorons ignored him. He moved closer, and closer, only to notice they were praying. Link had a sudden urge to stand in front of Darbus with his pants down, but he resisted. Hearing a door open, he saw a Goron Elder stumble out, link ran over to him just in time to stop him falling. Behind the elder, a giant Pussy! The elder expalined the Gorons recent fate. Apparently they didn't break the rock, the giant pussy broke out of it. And now it's threatening to cum all over our home unless we can satisfy it. The Goron asked link to do it, as a reward, they'd give him any thing he asked for. Even the pelt of a Goron brother.
Link lept to the challenge. The Gorons were overcome with jealousy. Now Link thought about it, with a lot more rationality than he would normally give to a thought, and he realised, all any woman ever wants, is someone to talk to. So Link opened his mouth, as if to say, what's wrong love, but all that came out was a wimper. Ah crap, he thought, damn, the tri-force of courage was not worth my ability to talk, and so he started crying. But the giant pussy got offended by his crying, because it wanted salt water from else where, and so it started attacking Link. Link already feeling pissed off, Took out a bomb arrow, and shot it into the pussy, the pussy was shot backwards, up against the wall, it was vibrating, rumbling, BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM, Cum shot every where. It reeked of Reek Fish. The pussy was satisfied, and wandered away leaving Link soaked in fishy goo.
The Gorons cheered for Link, and didn't hesitate to give him what he wanted as he stunk so bad. And so, our cum covered hero, rode away into the sunset, on the back of his slutty horse with 3000 rupees and a constipated Gorons pelt. The next day, he arrived in Hyrule Castle Town. He went down to the clinic, and showed Doctor the letter, which he'd crossed out Colin's name and put his own instead. The doctor happily accepted the payment, feeling slightly horny. Link lay down on the operating table and awoke the next morning.
Thanking the Doctor, she decided to try out her new lady parts. As she left the doctors surgery, Doctor called to her, and said, - You're an idiot, all you had to do was press Z B and 1 at the start menu to be a girl - Link, now being a girl, and having changed her name to Liz decided the previous rules of life no-longer applied to her, and so took out her sword and stabbed him in the groin.
The Legend of Zelda - Blink-182 is Passé - Link's Arousal - Ocarina of Time - Majora's Mask - The Wind Waker - The Midget's Crap - Twilight Princess - Phantom Hourglass - Spirit Tracks - The Wand of Gamelon
|Characters:||Link - Princess Zelda - Ganondorf - King Harkinian - Tingle - Vaati - That Old Man from The Legend Of Zelda - Lord Jabu-Jabu|
|Somethings:||Hyrule - Link is a Tree - The Legend of Zelda Link theory - Rupees|