Llama Jesus
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Llama Jesus is one of the llesser known Jesi, coming a distant fifteenth in a recent poll. Until recently, llittle was known of his powers or even existence, but in this world exclusive we reveal him to the masses.
Llama Jesus is otherwise known as Olivia.
[edit] Birth
Llama Jesus was born to an Ecuadorian Llama some time around the year 0. His birth was not marked with stars and wise men, merely a large spit in the face of an ancient relative of emperor Montezuma of the Aztecs. Similar to the effects of Werejesus, this llama spit is thought to invoke a minor miracle; invoking the person or animal to become the Avatar of Llama Jesus. Llama Jesus can be found in your llocal deli section at your llocal supermarket. Bow down.
[edit] Llife
Llama Jesus set out from his home in the year of our furry llord 20. One may have thought that as a demi god on Earth he might have been more productive and been working miracles before the age of twenty. This was not the case. He was after all, a Llama.
The first action Llama Jesus undertook to be called a miracle worker was that of curing a llame woodsman of a broken foot. That Llama Jesus originally broke the mans foot by kicking it when attempting to be ridden is something more often glossed over than reported.
Llama Jesus in the year 50 went into hiding and was not seen again until the 1800s when he took on his roll of freedom fighter against the Spanish. That he could not cure the Clap received by the Native Americans we something of a problem, he instead helped their cause by Neutering Christopher Columbus by way of a particularly nasty Bite.
His only known follower was Zosha, a nerdy(and very shmart) 13 year old who later crossed paths with Abraham Hitler The Emporer of Canada. She immedeatley took action, and punched him in the face, while Llama Jesus ran away. Zosha was never heard of again, until she became Dame Judi Dench and successfully murdered Blythe Danner to rid herself of Oscar competition.
[edit] Death
Llama Jesus walks among us now! He managed to possess the Flaming Llips to write a song about him in the 1980s, few people know that Shine On Sweet Jesus - Jesus song No.5 is actually based on Llama Jesus and the President of Venezuela is merely one of his guises. The reason for recent conflicts with George Bush have not been as many people believe over Oil but instead which Jesus is better, Original Jesus or Llama Jesus. Can be found in Tacos
Note: Not to be confused with Lobster Jesus.
| Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Jesus. | |
| Monster Jesii | |
|---|---|
| Jesusaurus Rex: The tyrant Jesus...lizard | Save yourself from Werejesus! |
| DinoJesus: Nazareth Park is frightening in the dark | And they said Jesus rode on a Mule...Nyah!:Llama Jesus |
| Attack of the 500 foot Jesus: Demolishing non-blessed skyscrapers -- New York, watch out! | When there's no more room in Heaven...: Zombie Jesus |
| Jesus-Sonic: Lord and Savior of Hedgehogs and Sega gaming. | The multidimensional, Scientological king of rodents: King of the Shrews |
| Munchie Jesii | |
| Jeez-Its: Orange, crunchy, and fun to eat! Get your own box. | Savour the Saviour: Cheese Jesus |
| Jesus Juice: An Energy Drink...that's Divine! | Oh, where have all the Jesii gone? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you: Hershey's Jesii and Creme |
| Jam Jesus: With a name like 'Jam Jesus', it has to be good. | Finally, something on a stick the whole family can enjoy!: Sweet Jesus on a Stick! |
| Mecha Jesii | |
| Cyborg Jesus: Retrofit by God after death | Domo arigato, señor: Robot Jesus |
| JESUS 9000: "Open the Pearly Gates, JESUS."
"I'm sorry, Dave, but I'm afraid I can't do that." | Gets your soul white, white, WHITE!: All-Purpose Jesus |
| Optijesus Prime: Saviour of the transformers | |
