Lo Pan

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“Son of a bitch must pay”

~ Jack Burton on David Lo Pan

“Son of a bitch must pay”

~ Duke Nukem on Aliens

“Son of a bitch must pay”

~ Angry Restaurant Owner on Non-paying restaurant patron

“So now you feel screeoccupar!”

~ Mewtwo on Lo Pan

“In Soviet USSR, bitches pay you!”

~ Russian Reversal on Lo Pan

“This band sucks.”

~ Captain Obvious on Lo Pan
Are you ready to rock?

Lo Pan Background[edit]

David Lo Pan was a founding member of influential 80's hair metal act, Twisted Sister, having written most of the music for the group, up until the third sister album 'Stay Hungry', when he was kicked from the band by Dee Snider after Lo Pan caused Big Trouble in Little China. Lo Pan's massive supernatural power allows him to master any instrument given to him to play, and he has hit high vocal notes that made King Diamond cry like a little girl.

He later made a short comeback to rock with his band PanHead, with fellow members Thunder on lead guitar, Lightning on drums and another crazy dude with a big hat, Rain. After five months on tour, Thunder and Lo Pan had a falling out, which caused thunder to expand to about eight times his body size, explode, and leave Lo Pan's musical career on hold again.

PanHead '88

He did not return to the music industry for almost 20 years. During this period he took control of Japan.

After the second death of Charlie Watts, this time fatal, Lo Pan took up an offer by longtime friend (and rumored lover) Mick Jagger to tour with The Rolling Stones, and this union has yet to come to an end. It is believed Lo Pan signed a 30 year deal to tour with the Stones, which will keep him busy with the boys until the year 2036.

Lo Pan joins The Rolling Stones. Circa 2006

Lo Pan has recently been seen out and about with his two 'second hand' adopted children, sourced form previous owners Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. He has also been seen at various Scientologist meetings, and was spotted on several occasions flying in the spaceship of noted scientologists John Travolta and Mr Kotter. He is also the creator of Lo Pan's Razor, one of the most influential beliefs in the world.


Lo Pan's Greatest Hits[edit]


  • Hell of the Upside-down Sinners.
  • Shut up Mr Burton!
  • Two girls with green eyes.
  • Miao Yin, my green eyed gal.
  • Time to die, Mr. Burton.
  • Now this really pisses me off to no end.

See Also[edit]


Preceded by:
Atum
God of Metal
200 B.C. - 1975
Succeeded by:
Lemmy