Roricon

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
(Redirected from Lolicon)
Jump to: navigation, search
Adult neon.gif NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!
The article you are looking at may not be work safe!

...Although, since you're already here it's kind of too late for this warning to actually be useful.

If a boss or coworker sees this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied.

“PedoBear-Approved.”

~ Pedobear on Loli

“loli haet pizza!”

~ //b// on Loli

“I'm from the Yuri experience, myself.”

~ Hassole on Roricon
Yes, there's beer at Roricon, and yes, it goes right through you. It will also make you want to get naked.
Not to be confused with Touhou.

Roricon is an annual gathering held in Tokyo, Japan to celebrate lolipops [sic]. Because all Japanese people suffer from a mild form of brain damage, they are unable to pronounce the "l" sounds in the word "lolipops" and instead call them roripops. At the convention, lolipops are frequently referred to as lolis or roris. Roricon often features cosplayers in the style of children sucking on lolipops. Old men, anime fans and everyone are the most common loli-lovers to be found at Roricon. Roricon begins on the first Friday of September and lasts for one week.


Types of Lolis[edit]

A loli convention just wouldn't be right without a wide assortment of lolis to choose from. Below is a list of lolis available at Roricon (this list is in no way complete):

  • Lolis: typical lolis are round in shape. Some would even say too round. It is a tradition among Japanese 16-year-old girls (or less) to hoard these and later give them to various male acquaintances, particularly teachers and family members.
  • Shotas: thin, long lolis with flavored liquid candy inside that can be extracted with sufficient sucking. Currently, a young man from Ohio named Eric Barker holds the world record for most shotas sucked in one hour (app. 362). Oddly, the sweeter varieties of shota are popular within Japan's gay community, while larger ones with more filling, often called 'straight shotas', are favored among women.
  • Nekos: round, cute little not furry lolis that you want to lick until they get all wet and sticky and then nibble at their little protrusions; these are rather popular at Roricon. Doki Doki Katai likes these when they give him MISHKAAAAA!!!
  • Guros: thick, brittle lolis that break open and ooze their insides all over your mouth when you impale them with your tongue.
  • Yuris: these lolis aren't for consumption; they are, instead, lolis placed together in unique and artistic ways for you to observe.
  • Yaois: like yuris, only with shotas.
  • Golis: if you lick these lolis too long they wil start changing color until you reach the exploding chemical center

Popular Confectioners[edit]

Though Roricon attracts many different candy makers, some are especially well known in the loli community and convention-goers look forward to their work:

  • Candy LO: One of the largest and best known companies to showcase at the convention. They are known for their gift boxes, which contain upwards of twenty different flavors.
  • Naoshi Onizuka: LO's organic subsidiary which uses all natural flavors and colors. Best known for Life is Peachy, which is (surprise) peach flavored.
  • Hoshino Fuuta: A company well known for its vast array of unique and exotic flavors. The head of research and development is rumored to be a heavy user of psychedelics.
  • Ogawa Kanran: A candy sculptor known for his abstract style.
  • Barasui: Despite only producing two flavors (strawberry and marshmallow), this confectioner does them well and enjoys a moderate amount of success.

Roricon Sessions[edit]

A number of events are fairly consistent from Roricon to Roricon. These sessions are at most, if not all, Roricons:

  • Watersports: a lively competition in which members race through a wet obstacle while being sprayed by onlookers; the objective is not to allow your loli to fall out of your mouth through the duration of the competition.
  • Loli Trade Off: a day devoted to showing off your own lolis and trading lolis with other convention-goers.
  • Quiet Time: some quiet time for you to spend alone with your lolis; a few of these are scheduled throughout the week.
  • Loli Battle: a type of competition in which several qualified Loli-Experts judge the size, flavor, density, and quality of your homade lolis. The winner of the competition gets a lifetime pass to Rorirand, a gigantic gallery of the worlds best lolis of all kinds. Tasting is not allowed in Rorirand

The Last Day[edit]

On the last day of Roricon, all convention-goers congregate in the dining hall for the final event of the convention: sex with toddlers. Lots of them. Michael Jackson, stunning the crowd with his SECOND world loli record that day, currently holds the record for having sex with the most toddlers at once: 756. An impressive feat, given that he was quite tired out from the squid sex competition at the Zoophilia Convention next door already. What - you thought we were using metaphors all this time? Bill Clinton, on another note, holds the record for most women molested: 6,005,378,496. Half of them were underage, one fourth his secretary, and NONE were his wife!

Professional Wrestling[edit]

A French-Canadian guy under the name of Lolicon Way made his debut in early 2004. So far, he's won three tag team championships a guy named Sylvian and occasionally teamed up with Jermaine Dupree. Otherwise, he just gets beaten up. P.S. He is working on his BIG debut with Michael Jackson. I wish I were talking about raping little children!

See also[edit]

Bouncywikilogo4.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Roricon.
Elementary Particles
Proton - Muon - Bozo - Graviton - Gluon - Quark - Electron - Photon - Moron - Neutrino - Gayon - Darkon - Unobtainium - Unununium - Ballmiton - Crouton - Tachyon - Tron - Badger - Sauron - Roricon - Spork - Hardon - Onion - Galvatron
Sexual Fetishes, Paraphilias, and Assorted Perversions