Long quotes

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“The systematic placement of quotes upon the pages of Uncyclopedia has long been a crucial issue to debate. Once more, however, idiocy prevails, and the quotes end up from such absurd charecters as Oscar Wilde, and dare I say it "Captain Obvious". Little has this been expected! I can only garuntee that my readers will not have to put up with such paltry quotes upon this great and noble page, this great and noble article, the most notable article of Long Quotes. This article is composed, nay, written, nay composed, nay written, nay composed, to be formed out of itself, to be homogenous, for the article long quotes, shall indeed be just that, a long quote.For there is something so holy about a long quote, because it is not quite a speech, nor a article, but anything that one pulls out at a party in a polite manner to annoy everyone you dislike and to deeply embarrass youself. Actually, because of my long term obsession with long quotes, it has been seen that I myself have never been to a party, but that is besides the point. Let me now explain what a Long quote has to be in order to be a Long quote. Firstly, it has to be long. Secondly, it has to be a quote. As one can see, the population of long quotes is very small, because all long quotes have to have been said at one point in time, and there is a limited time for things to be said, and only somethings will be of such note to be committed to paper, and also many will be lost by some pathetic papermonger before they have been set to print and read. Also, they must be quoted. To be quoted, you see, in that we have far greater problems. One may simply not quote you ! Or they may start quoting you, but then be stopped by an axe murderer/fire/annoyed guest/etcetera etcetera. Or, they may quote you quite fairly, and then add at the end, as an unpleasant agenda , that "My God, this quote is awful". You see, these sorts of quotes are very much often awful, because the subject matter tends to be appalling, because.....I tell you, that these Quotes are always on such silly homogenous concepts such a long quote or the inside of a ping pong ball...you see...it is all very mystical, now and... ”

~ Myself on Long Quotes

“I'm sorry, but that isn't a quote. A quote you see, has to be placed elsewhere before it can be quoted, and anyways it is extremely vain to quote oneself, is it not? Anyway, your long quotes aren't even homogenous, and you don't understand half the words you are using. I am now going to quote myself something far more interesting, a short story i composed about people eating cheese on the top of mount Everest”

~ Logical negatavist on Long Quotes