Love
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“So...you're sure? *sigh* Yeah...yeah, I'll be there. Yeah. You're sure you want to keep it? O--okay, relax, I just wanted to make sure. No, no, yeah I'll be there in a minute. Yeah...yeah I...I uh...I love you too. *click* Fuck.......”
~ Parents on the formation of love
“Don't fall in love with a tennis player because "Love" means nothing to them”
~ Oscar Wilde on Love
“Love is a battlefield!”
~ Pat Benatar on the Trojan War, started when Helen and Paris ran off together. Also, nobody cares.
“Love stinks!”
~ J. Geils Band on a statement the majority of people reading this article could agree on
Love is a product of Satan in co-operation with his good friend George W. Bush. Everyone says they have it, but they don't. It's just a nicer way of saying, "I don't give a shit about you. Now let's have sex." Love is also the name of the Emperor of the Modern World (excluding Russia, Dmitry Medvedev owns Russia). Speaking of Russia - in Soviet Russia, love give YOU a bad name!! Big fans of Bon Jovi over there...
LOVE ROCKS!!! (For a while...)
Love That Crazy Hippy Concept that went mainstream.
[edit] Rule #1
First of all, according to the well-known sage and sister-twister Dee Snider love is actually for suckers, but according to Pat Benatar, it's more of a battlefield.
Love is being stupid together. Love is all you need, but is still nowhere near as important as getting it on. It's nature's patented method of tricking people into reproducing themselves indefinitely for pleasure (1). Its other purposes are to waste time, money, effort, brain cells, and yoghurt with a small nipple. Biologically, love is indistinguishable from eating, farting, large quantities of chocolate and burning all your money. Y'know, a sort of pain-pleasure, euphoria-despair, wax-on-wax-off type thing.
Love will fuck you up and give you ups and downs--turning your world into chaos. Seriously, don't fucking bother with it. 'Nuff said. Love is another word for violent suicide, castration and sex with underage donkeys. Scientifically, love is a derivative of lust, the impetus which causes a human such as yourself to seek certain traits another human has that s/he wishes s/he had before s/he ceased being a "finder" and became a "seeker," if you know what I mean.
Overall, love should be avoided at all costs, because, more often than not, it just sucks, and can inhibit all future plans for conquest, world domination, or further practice at achieving masturbatory greatness, as you can plainly see by every sappy love movie that shows an awesome evil character's perfectly good scheme for complete dictatorship of the world fall to ruins because some pretty girl made him see he had a heart or soul or some such nonsense.
Whether you be man, woman, hermaphrodite, eunuch or simply French, everyone feels love. It's only natural. Or something.
The sole purpose of love is to make one's heart vulnerable to hurt and humiliation. To combat it, embrace individualism, independence and most of all the writings of Ayn Rand.
[edit] Jenna Jameson expresses her love for Chloe Jones
[edit] All you need is love
Note: This section's header has been scientechnically proven by the Beatles.
A man was sent into the Outback without water, food, clothes or shade. He was even regularly deprived of sunlight, to ensure any photosynthetic abilities he may have evolved were quenched. A helicopter circled him the entire time with an Asian woman hanging out, yelling "karrie Elizabeth Thomas Griffin loves you".
The subject survived almost three weeks. like ADOLF HITLER!
Scienticians believe that the repetition of the words blended together in such a way to sound like "I'll huff you". Of course that meant the subject was out of love, and everything else and thus he died.
According to the vampire Carrera Marker, LOVE, babe, is all you need, you can suck all the blood you like but lo-Her husband clamped his hand over her mouth.
It should be noted here that love responds to the wavelength of happiness. As such, being pissy is not the same as peeing. Usually.
[edit] Alternate meanings
Some followers of Shaq believe love is when they reach a size 12 shoe size.
Some thoguht that love means Howard Jones in "Matoran", but others thought love as in the people who move their heads up and down and doing random stuff in a car a la Night at the Roxbury.
What is love? baby dont hurt me, dont hurt me, dont hurt me NO MORE.
Although some people would prefer to sniggle, the common activity associated with love is to wiggle.
In high school theatre departments, "love" is used to describe the relationship between John and Devon. We do not ask intimate questions about them, as asking such questions will result in certain castration.
In the game of tennis, "love" is the intense positive emotion one feels towards one's opponent when one has not scored any points.
During the act of sex, "love", especially when used in a sentence between the words "I" and "You" by one or more of the copulating partners generally means, "Oh, God, did I just say that?". It can also indicate: "I'm drunk and I can't remember your name."
The word "Love" in Kazakhstan means: To shit on your mother's face over a long period of time.
Please note that love is most often easily mistaken for the devil or Satan.
"Love" is also known in a good deal of dictionaries as "a hideous black hole of pain and suffering" that most people fall into sometime or another in their lives.
The word "Love" is often used by emos; unfortunately we have no idea what they mean by it as no one loves them or understands them, I'm sure that no one would notice or care if they just died now. In fact, it is probable that most people would actually love it if they died now, thus bringing another meaning to the diverse word that is love.
'Love' is also another term for 'Seamen'
Some say that love ain't nothing but sex mispelled, although apparently not the writers of dictionaries. Damn them.
"Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticle, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds." HK-47 on Love
Love is when you draw Sonic the Hedgehog and Amy Rose to create "Sonamy".
'Love' means that either you really, really want to sleep with this person and get them pregnant. [Shit; Half of you loser reading this. And me writing this; Probably just want that.] or in some case , if that isn't true. You're in love because you're gay. This is the only reason you will love in your loser life, Other than just because 'I feel like it' or 'I really love you' I really love you can be translated to 'I really want to fuck you' And that's sick. You horrible person.
Amanda loves her pet dogs....she expresses it by fucking them
GET A JOB.
[edit] Crazy Love
Some people just go nuts over each other. Some have affairs. Some are just stupid and die single. See "The Tinky Winkys" for a little info on a affair on two oldies in a oldie peeps band. Anyway sometimes people think the rose will do the trick, oh see you next Christmas well get that shit out of your head cause your in for a hell of a ride! Woh, I never knew!
[edit] Lust is better
[edit] Lesbian love
[edit] Desired characteristics
See articles for porn star and Barbie doll.
Human males (or lesbians) tend to look for certain traits in human females that appeal to them, such as watermelon-sized breasts, a basketball-sized butt, a balloon-shaped vagina and the classic hourglass thumbs.
Human females (or gay males), on the other hand, look for certain traits in human males such as natural beauty, a penis exceeding 7 inches in length and at least 3 Intergalactic bank accounts. The prime exhibitors of such traits are gay males and transgendered males (men who consider themselves aliens trapped in human bodies). Unfortunately these people exist in small numbers so the chances of finding true love are small.
To cut to the chase here, love really is all about sex. Yes, human males can get pregnant with the right training and a little luck. When someone says you have to love people like mums, embarrassing dads, and grannies, you are expected to copulate with them.
[edit] In chemistry
The substance L0VE, or anlithide vanadium ether, is the chemical from which the narcotic angst can be synthesized. The process is simple but dangerous. A sample of pure L0VE is simmered for two to four months until it turns unrequited. It is then mixed with hormones and shaken vigorously. The resulting solution may provoke tears and heart palpitations, but will settle down overnight. The most stable form of L0VE is in fact the equation Ha(TE).
Those who ingest angst are likely to to develop severe depression, commit suicide, or write really, really terrible poetry. As such, it is used frequently by assassins and jealous authors, the latter of whom might secretly drizzle some over a rival's breakfast and watch as his reputation diminishes to nothingness.
[edit] Other uses of Love in Science
In 1946, Robert Oppenheimer conducted experiments in the Arizona desert testing the strength of love. As part of the Manhattan Project, the bonds of love were fissioned using the atomic bomb. The results were devastating. The love between a boy and his dog had the power to destroy all but the largest of countries with other purer and more powerful forms of love (between a man and his alcohol, an older man and a young child, two consenting adults and a fat kid and cake) capable of atomizing planets and even suns. The Russians were unable to acquire this new technology until the late sixties, where the vibes of "like cosmic and free love man" floated over the Atlantic from California.
[edit] History
For thousands of years, it was assumed that love is blind, or at least incredibly nearsighted. Around the turn of the 20th century, however, Pakistani scientists confirmed that love is just horribly confused. Soon Isreali counter terrorists, attacked this view because they thought that the scientist were vicadin. This was later proven correct and thus they managed to win the nobel prize for their discoveries. They advised love to take intense therapy, which love completed in the summer of 1969. This is the origin of the term 69ing which is further discussed in the article on Sex. It is now completely cured of its muddled condition, to the great dismay of social nerds worldwide.
Four years later, it was said by strippers Lover "Lovemaker" Lovenstein in his hit "Love that Lovin' Lovin'" that love is "the thing that makes [the singer] feel like a king". It is widely assumed that the original author of this treatise was, in fact, not a king.
Then humanity learned to convey love by hand, thus completely annihilating AIDS, and turning the world into a void of DESPAIR!
Also love is what makes me aroused around custard...have it with me you beautiful chocolate custard!!!
Shortly afterward, Barbarella unlearned how to convey love by hand.
Apart from this article, not a whole lot has been written about love since then.
In 2001, Stevie Nicks inquired about love, "Do you know what this is? No, I don't. But whatever it is, It's VERY powerful." She also feels that love is very "trippy," but then she feels that watching PAINT dry is trippy. After receiving the Nobel Prize for this insight, she went on to prove that the music business is not just about art and that pink is actually black. Then she watched Star Trek a whole lot while eating junk food and bought Europe over the cell phone during commercials.
In the summer of 1976 the Dutch history Larsh Shoshenfesher created a minor controversy by publishing a paper, 'Sho Vatsh Love Got to Do With It?', in which he stated that love was actually a complete hoax that had, in fact, been perpetrated by a small group of opium-addled English Romantic poets in 1790, with the aim of selling more of their poems. These claims were met with scorn and derision by the ancient, grey-bearded walruses of the establishment who responded, in typical academic fashion by declaring Shoshenfesher to be the spawn of a manitou and burning him, publicly, on the steps of the Royal Society.
To this day anyone who dares to speak Shoshenfesher's name, in any British university finds themselves subject to ridicule, beatings and enforced sterilisation
[edit] Ergo, Did You Know That:
Since "Love Is The Drug", it is possible to become "Addicted To Love"? Robert Palmer :(
While "Love Will Keep Us Together", it is also true that "Love Will Tear Us Apart - (again)?"
Due to the fact that "Love Is All Around", one can experience "Love In An Elevator"?
On a "Love Rollercoaster", you may become nauseous and eject a "Lovestain" all over the place?
If you "Love Me Tender", you better put me in a George Foreman with a hint of tabasco... Otherwise the deal's off?
The "Love Shack" is a more favourable party venue than the "Love Train"?
"When Love and Death Embrace", "It's All Tears" and you "(Drown in this Love)"
"I'm All Out Of Love" is an invalid response from a "Love Machine"?
"Love To Love You Baby" is an OK sexeh song, but "Love To Love YOUR Baby" is exclusively liked by doting aunties/paedophiles?
"As Long As It's Not About Love", you and I "Feel Like Makin' Love".
And finally, "When Love And Hate Collide"... THE WORLD ENDS! O NOEZ!!1
[edit] Love As A Beautiful Harmony
Most scholars including most scholars firmly belief that love is harmonias. They just haven't found anyone yet. Not most scholars believe the their love interest does love them but they're not showing it. You can read all about it to your left: "You Love Me You're Just Not Showing It"
“Love...three minutes of squelching noises...”
~ Unsatisfied Woman on Love
“LOVE STINKS! YEAH YEAH”
[edit] See Also
[edit] References
1 Dawkins, Richard (1976), The Selfish Gene, OUP.
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