Luann
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Luann is a comic strip distributed by the Underground Comix Syndicate, a subsidiary that is wholly owned and operated by the Mafia. Its main character is Luann De Zit, a precocious teenage pain in the ass who attends Pitt of Hell High School; has large feet, which makes her walk like a duck; wears wooden shoes; carries her brother's used condoms in her purse as family keepsakes and "just in case"; enjoys menstruating and unrequited love; and is in love every other month with Aaron Hill, a homosexual boy-next-door type with a swimmer's build and blond "Twink" hair.
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[edit] Fam
Luann is a member of a nuclear family:
- Nancy (the electron) - kind but clueless mom
- Frank (the neutron) - kind but clueless and awkward dad
- Brad (the proton) - moronic older brother and all-around flake
- Puddles - dog
[edit] Friends
Her friends are all one-dimensional cardboard stereotypes:
- Bernice - girl geek
- Gunther - boy geek
- Tiffany - blonde bombshell
- Delta - token black girl
- Crystal - weird chick
- Knute - weird dude
- Miguel - token Hispanic
- Stuart - philandering lifeguard
- Elwood - Elvis impersonator
- Diane - Brad's fantasy girl
- Zane - token handicapped guy
- Toni - lesbian firefighter
- TJ - Sleazy con-artist
- Dirk - muscle-bound ape
[edit] Teachers
Since Luann has to go to school, she has to have teachers and other adult school staff members to interact with and against:
- Mr. Fogarty - history
- Ms. Phelps - counseling
- Principal Hightower - principal
[edit] Most Asinine Topics
Since its beginning way back in 1985, Luann has insisted on addressing several controversial topics in the strip's version of "very special episodes" to which TV series resort to garner ratings during sweeps week. Such topics include Luann's first "period"; Brad's preference for ribbed condoms with "ticklers" at their ends; abusive boyfriends (like Dirk); drunk driving on Mother's Day or Ground Hog's Day; being crippled handicapped (like poor Zane); and the way that an all-wise and loving Creator strikes one of his creatures (poor Delta) with cancer (actually, Hodgkin's lymphoma).
[edit] Aging Phobia
The strip's creator (if he can be called such), Greg Evans, has an irrational fear of aging, which is reflected in Luann. When the strip started, Luann was an eighth-grade student, where she remained, apparently unable to advance to the next grade level because of her blonde I. Q., until 1999, when Evans promoted her to high school. From 1999 to the present, Luann has aged from 15 to 16 years. According to Wikipedia, the online "encyclopedia" that keeps track of trivia like this, Luann ages at the rate of one month = one year of real time. Luann hopes to graduate in approximately 25 years, at which point she will be 18 years old.
[edit] Award
The strip, which comic book insiders call "Peanuts with a Penis," has won the RuPaul Award for A Female Comic Strip Protagonist That Is Almost As Asinine and Stupid As A Real Teenage Girl and Greg Evans has been allowed back into the 48 continental states after having been exiled by an act of Congress for embarrassing the entire country with a comic strip so stupid that it tests the principles of free speech.
NOTE: Greg Evans passed away on December 30, 2006. Uncyclopedia's Unnews carried an article concerning his death, his accomplishments in life, and his colleague's thoughts on him as a man and their evaluations of him as an artist [1].
